It was just one of those days which started fine. I went to school without any suspicion on my part that, by the end of the day, I'd be on the run pretending to be someone totally different with my dad on his way to South America.

“The parody is the last refuge of the frustrated writer. Parodies are what you write when you are associate editor of the Harvard Lampoon. The greater the work of literature, the easier the parody. The step up from writing parodies is writing on the wall above urinals.” - Ernest Hemmingway.

“Turnabout is fair play.” — Angela Rasch

The following parody has many references to Cary Grant and his movies. . .above and beyond the obvious. Should you get bored with this story, or if the story runs against your grain. . .use it as a puzzle. . .try to pick out all those references.

This story also contains several un-attributed quotes. We apologize for trying to be someone or something we’re not. We suspect the nature of the story supports this decision.

Chapter One - I Don’t Go To Church, Kneeling Bags My Nylons

Eighteen year old William Baxter is fascinated by next door neighbor Mrs Delores Cashmore and follows her to church. Mrs Cashmore has many secrets which William soon finds out. But Delores knows about William's meddling in her private affairs and has plans for him.

I had a weird dream about working on a series of kid's books. They were illustrated and I wish I could draw like that. Some of it looked a lot like Brad Guigar's art on Evil, Inc.

One of the books was about a young owl discovering things. It was called, "Nobody Really Likes Liver."