For anyone interested in the further misadventures of Susie and Jeffrey, two full-length novels, Books 11 and 12 - Loony Runes and Strange Day on a Train are available

"Any other bright ideas?"

"Yes, failing that, we'll bop him over the head with a blunt instrument - the blunter the better."

"We haven't got an instrument, Susie - blunt or otherwise."

"The wheel brace, Jeffrey - and we'll get out the jack as well. I've just dreamt up a super enhancement to my latest cunning plan."

"That seems barely possible, Susie. What is it?"

"We'll pretend we kicked over the jack and dropped the taxi on Willy while he was inspecting the spondulicks. That'll prove to Wally we're as ruthless as he is."

"Except we don't have a gun," I objected, hurrying after her to the back of the van.

"We won't need one; that's the beauty of my scheme. We'll wait until Wally bends down to pull out his beloved Willy, and then - Kapow!"

"What if Wally's so ruthless, he doesn't care what's happened to his beloved Willy?"

"No man's that ruthless, Jeffrey."

The 4X4 bounced on its wheels as our missile struck, caving in the roof above the driver's seat.

"Bull's-eye, Jeffrey! That's buckled their steering wheel."

"They'll be going home on the bus, Susie."

"It serves them jolly well right - pity about the window-box, though. It was probably someone's pride and joy."

"Look what they made it from - no wonder it had such an impact."

The shattered cement casing of the upturned planter revealed its humble origin.

"Ah, Jeffrey, do you know what we've done?"

"Yes, Susie, we've thrown in the kitchen sink."

"And we're not half finished - I hope we haven't peaked too early."

"Don't panic, Jeffrey, I'm used to being closely cross-examined - follow my lead."

"I invariably do, Susie, but try not to take us on a ramble up Mount Improbable and into cloud-cuckoo-land with your explanations."

"A creative defence may be a necessity, Jeffrey, if the elders are looking for a scapegoat to supply their pound of flesh."

"In that case, Susie, let Denise play Portia and be the mother of invention."

Susie and Jeffrey 70 - 78 by Jamie Hayworth

"Just for tonight, Jeffrey, suppress your ego and behave like an average fourteen year old schoolgirl."

"I can't, Susie - if I went missing it would make Denise dense."

Susie and Jeffrey 53 - 58 by Jamie Hayworth

"Well, think again, Jeffrey - eating a Penguin bar is the closest I've come to killing an albatross."

"Funny you should say that, Susie, because their chicks are a delicacy; you scoff the lot - bones and all."

"What about the beak and feet?"

"Obviously not, but everything else - apart from the feathers."

"I've never seen them down Tesco's, Jeffrey."

Susie and Jeffrey 44 - 47 by Jamie Hayworth

Susie and Jeffrey can't keep out of trouble on their eventful journey home. A simple walk is spoiled as they encounter ever more dangerous hazards.

"Oh Susie, what if I get a thing about bridal gowns as well?"

"I'll be disappointed if you don't, Jeffrey. I've always wanted to snog a girl under a veil."

"That's all very well, but this is already turning out to be a very expensive hobby. If we start acting out your wedding fantasies, I'm never going to have any money," I moaned. "Couldn't you have just as much fun dressing me up in black bin liners and brown parcel tape?"

Susie and Jeffrey 19 - 24 by Jamie Hayworth

"Thank God you're all right, Jeffrey - my heart was in my mouth."

"Mine still is, Susie - and my balls are keeping it company."

Susie and Jeffrey 10 - 11 - 12 by Jamie Hayworth

Susie rolled her eyes at me as we pulled her dad up. "Let's have a look at the damage."

Mr Jones grimaced as she waggled his finger. "What do you think, Jeffrey?"

"See if you can grind the ends of the bone together," I offered helpfully. "That's a sure-fire test - if your dad faints, it's broken."

Susie and Jeffrey 7 - 8 - 9 by Jamie Hayworth

"You're talking gobbledygook, Jeffrey."

"No I'm not, Susie, it's just over your head. In plain English: this will never happen again."

"Never is a long day, Jeffrey."

"Ah, but consider this, Susie: I've suffered a harrowing experience and as a result, I've ended up cross-dressing. That," I concluded triumphantly, "is what you psychologists call aversion therapy."

Susie and Jeffrey 4 by Jamie Hayworth