A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 62 Hello Dad

Dave laughed and said, “Simmering on the Hobb‽ That’s over the border in Northumberland isn’t it? Small spot no more that six hundred folk live there.”

Tommy Dowerson said, “Nah. You got that one mixed up, Dave. That’s Gravy on the Hobb you’re going on about over in Northumberland. The Hobb river over there is nay mere than a beck. Simmering on the Hobb is on the outskirts of Ross on Wye away down country, Herefordshire way. Ross has about eleven thousand folk and t’other spot has maybe four. Just on the other side of Ross from Simmering is Custard on the Hobb where the custard boreholes are which strictly puts it into Wales. The Hobb is a big tributary, mostly in Wales, of the Wye which eventually runs into the Severn Estuary. There’re some odd town names down that way like Builth Wells and Symonds Yat. I only know because I did a postmasters’ course in Hereford a few years back.” There was just enough truth in Dave’s and Tommy’s ridiculous remarks to cause some confusion in the newer outsiders, but considerable hilarity amongst the locals and regular attenders from outside. Inventing silly, often profanely coarse, place names and equally ridiculous personal names vaguely connected to the satirical comedies of Monty Python, The Goons and Much Binding on the Marsh was an ongoing game they played often at each others’ expense. Their recently invented favourites were the villages of Shaver on the Motte, Hard on the Rod and Whacking on the Edge, the last of which came about as a result of a discussion concerning killing flies with a fly swatter. For some reason he wouldn’t explain Fluff in the Hinge was considered to be particularly amusing by Alf.

*** Author's note: This is like my normal stories. This deals with child abuse, neglect, abandonment. There is also other triggering themes in this story.

Chapter 1: The Day Everything Changed

Jake walked home from school like it was any other day, his headphones blaring some angsty song about rebellion and survival. It fit the mood he was in—school sucked, home wasn’t much better, but at least it was something. A roof over his head. Food on the table. A bed to crash on.

Set against the vibrant and atmospheric backdrop of Japan, The Tale of My Beautiful Onii-san follows 18-year-old Haruki as he arrives in Kyoto, eager to reconnect with his cousin Yuki after years apart. But nothing could prepare him for the shocking transformation he finds. Drawn into Yuki’s mysterious world, Haruki embarks on a journey of self-discovery, family secrets, and hidden truths. In this suspenseful and heartfelt tale, he learns that family bonds in Japan can be as intricate—and as unbreakable—as the secrets they keep.

Promises To Keep - A Halloween Story

Nancy Parker is trapped in an an endless cycle of harassment and intimidation in an orphanage but a ghoulish visitor offers her salvation and retribution against those who have trespassed against her... of course there is a price to pay.

To win a one hundred dollar bet, Cody Williams attends a Halloween party dressed as a Sexy School Girl. Halloween's over -- but returning to his pre-Jack-o-lantern life . . . proves to be scary and another kind of gamble!

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 59 Chineseium

“Well, Son, doubtless if you looked the words up in a fancy English ordbok it would tell you that they are the same, but there’s a difference in the way Bearthwaite folk use the words these days. Yance ower they were the same here too, but now a visitor is someone we welcome, even if they’ve never been here before, decent folk are visitors. Tourists are folk we don’t really like, folk we don’t approve of, but as long as they don’t get too far out of line we’ll happily tek their money off ’em. Okay, Son?”

“Yeah. I get that. Visitors good, tourists bad. Simple enough, Granddad. I’ll explain to my brothers. Thanks.”

As Ethan left Alan couldn’t help but smile at the Orwellian simplicity of life as seen by a child. Visitors good, tourists bad. ‘What,’ he wondered, ‘would I give to be eight again?’

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 58 The Heller of All Hellers

Daphne said, “Most women I know, including me, have an awful lot of clothes. Not Stephen, but that skirt suit is genuine Harris tweed and cost a small fortune. All his clothes are the same, he doesn’t have wardrobes and wardrobes of them but what he does have is all the ultimate in quality. He should have been a woman because his dress sense is far better than mine. However, he’s a hundred percent man. He just likes dressing up in what other people call women’s clothes, but he doesn’t see it that way. He says, ‘I’m a man. They’re my clothes, so by definition they’re a man’s clothes.’ I suppose he does have a point.”

Body In The Tip – a Max Force story.

Chapter 1

I was humming a popular tune as I drove my ‘A’ Class Mercedes towards London. I had just completed a job in Norfolk, my best one so far, and now had a money in the bank, some new clothes on the back seat and was happy to be alive. It had been good to be able to help out a friend. I say friend, but we had been nearly rivals at school. We were now firm friends, and I was happy to have helped her, as well as pulling her out of a depressed state.

For centuries the Fossom Fields dungeon has been a popular spot for seasoned adventurers. But when the industrial revolution catapulted mankind forward, the dungeon stayed behind. Slowly sinking into obscurity. After a century, the monsters that call the dungeon their home have nearly given up hope. But a chance encounter is about to change their fate.

Is the dungeon prepared to not just reach the industrial age, but the information age? Are the monsters? Change is upon them and it comes with benefits and challenges. And maybe the Fossom Fields dungeon will once again be the popular spot. Perhaps even good enough to die for.

This story follows Sir Berous - the designated boss monster - and his loyal guards as they brave this tumultuous time. Change is upon them and they will adapt. As they always do.

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 56 What You See is Never What You Get

How calt will it get? Who knows. I can’t even hazard a guess because I’ve got nowt to base one on. We’ve never hit minus thirty [-22℉] before anywhere in Britain in recorded history, though it’s said that during the winter of sixteen eighty-three going into eighty-four the ice on the Thames was a foot thick [305mm]. I’ve never manage to find even an estimate of how calt it was, but it’s reputed to be the most severe frost recorded in England. It always seemed daft to me to use the expression worst recorded when there’s not even an indication of how calt it was, how is that recorded? Come to that what was it they were recording? Maybe we’ll hit minus forty [-40℉] this time. I wouldn’t rule it out, but like I said I’ve never bin here afore. Think on, it’s not that long since for the first time recorded the temperature in the UK went over forty Celsius. Forty point three [104·54℉] it was at Coningsby in Lincolnshire on the nineteenth of July twenty twenty-two. So owt’s possible.

Author's Note: When I first wrote Complicit In a Lie, I had no thoughts, or ideas, to write a sequel. But thanks to a few readers, who asked about a sequel, ideas formed that made writing this sequel possible. It is necessary to have read Complicit In a Lie to understand why Charles is now with Jane, who the boy arriving in Kingston is and how he's involved in Charles' Court case. And to understand where Mr. Corporate, George Strom, fits into this story. This story starts off after Charles says, "When do we start," in Complicit in a Lie. So if you haven't read Complicit In a Lie, the beginning of this story won't make any sense. Hint hint!

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 52 Political Analysis

Continued on from GOM 51 on a Saturday evening in the Green Dragon Inn taproom

“Christ, Lads, Dave missed his calling as a green grocer he should have been a diplomat. He’d have all the middle east conflicts sorted in minutes. Admittedly, he’d turn the entire spot into one big, f*** off, glassed down, radioactive plain, but the situation would be sorted permanently which would definitely be a result. We need more of that kind of thinking.”

“I recently heard, Alice, that Hell is staffed by vegetarians and the security guards are all vegans, so I’m going to heaven where slaughtermen and butchers like me are well thought of because the angels who run the spot are known to enjoy a deliciously bloody, blue steak, and there are no security guards because none of the residents wish to leave.”

Petruvio is an older adventurer who got a good-paying job as a teacher for a young noble who plays adventurer. This young man has more money than brains and instead of using qualified men to round out the team, he hired three good-looking maidens.

Now, someone told them about Shroom Dungeon. Worse, they insist they want to visit (despite not knowing what it is). There is no choice and the old adventurer has to return. Despite having vowed never to do so. For he has a history there. In fact, a legacy.

This is a stand-alone story taking place in Shroom Dungeon.

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 51 Coneys, Bees and Fish

Continued on from GOM 50 on a Saturday evening in the Green Dragon Inn taproom

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 51⅒ So Just Where is Bearthwaite? is included before the footnotes

For any as don’t know a coney is an adult rabbit. The lasses’ cuniculture business, that word always makes me snigger, but honest to god it is what the tax man refers to it as, so maybe they’ve not all had their senses of humour surgically removed.

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 49 Needles Fell

You’ve only ever seen women like me power dress to do business. Then she waltzed in like a pretty little girl wearing that low cut flower print summer frock with a man who looked old enough to be her father and you assumed he was the chief negotiator and went to shake his hand first. She knew you wouldn’t have done your homework, so she set you up to look like an idiot, and you fell for it, all of it, hook, line and sinker. Her cleavage had you off balance and thinking she was the older man’s decorative plaything from the moment she came in, and from the moment you realised your mistake you were stuffed. No one can recover from a mistake of that magnitude, so you were even less useful to me than usual. That confirms that as always she did her home work on us and on you in particular.

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 48 Acquisitions Introductions and Interventions

After interviewing three potential pharmacists Murray was beginning to lose hope. All three had been male and chauvinists, pigs to boot probably too, he’d said cynically to himself. He’d just one more to go, Lennox MacUspaig, a name he’d never heard of. He was hoping that at the very least he didn’t have to deal with yet another MCP, but he doubted anything would come it. Twenty-nine years old, single and with a CV which was to say the least sparce. Murray was stunned when an attractive young woman came in to shake his hand. She saw the look on his face and asked, “You expected a man?”