A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 65 Consideration of Outside Agencies.
Continued from GOM 64 in the taproom of the Green Dragon Inn at Bearthwaite.

In the taproom, Dave said, “Well now we’re all settled again I’ll start the ball rolling, Lads, by asking a question that we could do with having an answer to some time before August. Does any one know of a sure fire way to keep wasps away from a late summer or autumn barbecue? Because I saw a good solution on my phone. Spread some jam on a small child, though I reckon that’s a waste of good jam and just giving the child a jam sandwich would do the trick.

A Grumpy Old Man’s Tale 63 Ever Colder

Too, if a man doesn’t spend any time wi’ his missus what the hell did he marry her for because it ’ould a bin a sight cheaper te gang te Carlisle, Maryport, Workington or Whitehaven and renting a woman from one o’ the pubs. Gods alone knows there’re enough o’ ’em at cheap enough prices. If you’re a bit choosy and prepared to pay a bit more you could always try Keswick, Cockermouth or even Penrith where you’d find a better class o’ whooer. Mind, in times gone by there’s many a Bearthwaite man as went to one o’ those spots and found hisel a likely younger lass and brought her back to rear a family wi’. Not all whooers are sluts, many on ’em are just desperate, may be dumped by some arsehole and left wi’ kids te feed or even full o’ arms and legs as well. Decent women ’ll do owt to put food in their kids bellies. I learnt a long time since not to judge folk because you never get to find out all the circumstances. And think on, the gods alone know how many o’ us are alive because one of our female ancestors earnt a few shillings to feed her kids wi’ from time to time from the pack pony men down at the Dragon.

I awoke with a start.

I was a bit hot and feverish, and I wondered whether I was still dreaming. I put my hand out and touched one of the boots...