so I dreamed that I was back and school, and I was doing so poorly I wanted to quit. A teacher tried to tell me to be patient with the place and with myself, but I kept saying "I want to go home".

Now, I'm no expert, but even I can see that this dream is really about life.

I got a new song up!

here is the link: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/107380/big-closet-ima...

I wanted to pass on a few updates:

My brother is doing better thanks to the pacemaker, but is still having breathing issues that we don't know the cause of.

My ex is taking her near-death experience seriously, and has started to look for a cheaper place that Sam could have going forward, but she is showing signs of a deep paranoia that is quite worrisome.

As for me, I've been trying to do a deep dive into understanding my manic phase, but I still got a lot of work to do.

Happy Canada Day everybody. For some reason, it feels more important this year. Cant imagine why . . .

Okay, so something happened last night I have to talk about, even though I don't know if I have the right words.

I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and when I returned, I laid on my stomach, and for some reason, bent my knees so my feet were in the air.

And then, out of nowhere, this image came into my head of a beautiful woman, in the same position I was, also naked, and my perspective of this was like a camera passing over her, and I thought of a director including this shot in a movie because while she was nude, you don't see anything naughty from the camera angle.

Join Dottie as she plays detective on a 5,000 year old murder case!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/107032/law-and-order-...

As the world seems to spiral down into darkness, I am reminded of something Fred Rodgers said.

He said "look for the helpers"

Look for the EMTs, the nurses, the doctors, those volunteering in soup kitchens and donation depots. But also look for those doing small things like helping a neighbor clear their sidewalk or visiting a senior home. In times of cruelty, look for kindness, look for mercy.

So I got a new story up, and got some encouraging news about Sharon.

She went to a doctor to get medical info for applying for unemployment, and it looks like Sam will have a part time job being a aide to a young disabled man.

So double good news (I hope!)

by the way, the story is here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106912/charm-ing-gift

So last night I dreamed I was back and school, and even though I was doing okay in class, I felt like there was a barrier between me and the other students, one I could see through, but could never cross. I would never truly connect with them, nor they with me.

That's pretty much how I felt in real life too - and I still struggle with feeling like that today.

So I looked at my account this morning, and realized I had actually missed my 16th anniversary of being a member of Big Closet.

Boy, its been a busy 16 years!

but besides the changes I have undergone since, one thing remains - this place is a big part of my life, and I continue to be grateful to Erin and her elves who keep this place running.

so my brother had another medical crisis and went back to the hospital - only to be released later.

Meanwhile, I went and saw Thunderbolts, and all I will say is I really relate to Bob. Like him, I carry darkness that is very dangerous . . .

So my brother was taken to the hospital today because his heart issues are getting worse.

All hugs and prayers accepted.

New story up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106310/law-and-order-...

Its very different, so I hope people will read and comment!

Been a rough couple of days, struggling with PTSD, Dysphoria, and worrying about my family as my mom has been struggling lately, and we still don't know what is going on with my brother.

Anyway, I am accepting hugs and prayers, if you want to send them my way.

I found out today that my brother will have a pacemaker implanted in 6 weeks. Despite this, my sister doesn't seem very optimistic, and told me she got a black dress in case she needs to hold his funeral.

I got a new story up, please read and leave a comment!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106026/topside

So last night, I dreamed I killed a man.

I was following him up some kind of tunnel or shaft, and it led to a rocky platform. I grabbed the man, and threw him off the platwform.

And since he landed face first on something hard a long way down, I figured he was dead.

weirdest part was I didnt seem fazed by the fact I had just killed.

I dont know if I wanna know why my brain came up with that dream . . .

just so no one panics, my computer is down, so I will not be online for a bit.

everybody take some huggles to keep you busy till I get back!

So last night, I dreamed I was a superhero.

I had this gun that would stun someone without permanent damage.

I got summoned to join a group of other heroes facing off a group of villains.

I was doing well, when suddenly I was hit with a case of dysphoria so bad I could barely walk, and one of the other heroes half carried me to our target.

Dont ask me, folks.

so my subconscious has decided to let me graduate from school, and now sends me dreams of being in the working world.

For the last week or so, I have dreamed of working in a daycare, at a water park, a newspaper office, and last night, working as a manager at a restaurant.

Since I never did any of those jobs in real life I am not sure where they are coming from, or what my subconscious is trying to tell me, if anything.

My brain is weird, which probably doesnt come as a surprise to anyone here.