so I have been getting this reoccurring image, and I think I will have to figure out a story to go with it.

Here is the image:

There is a new form of VR, that taps into the brain of the user, to produce an avatar of their inmost self.

A group of trans people have been offered the chance to be beta testers, and being very attracted to the idea, they say yes.

The initial setting is a park, and one by one, the group comes in, getting to see their authentic selves, many for the first time.

I am faced with a dilemma.

I have 2 pieces that are nearly finished, but I am hesitant to publish either of them.

One is a story based on a comic that I doubt many people have read or even heard of, and the other is a story about my grandmothers struggles with the Catholic church.

And while I have stories in my collection that didn't get a lot of attention, and much fewer comments or kudos, it's another thing entirely to publish something I KNOW won't be very successful.

So last night, I dreamed that I came to the conclusion that I needed to go back into the closet.

Between this and a couple of incidents where I got so anxious about putting on nylons, I had to give it up, I am not sure what is going on in my head, but it doesn't seem good.

last night I dreamed I was the Doctor, and I used my sonic screwdriver to stop an alien who was using birds as a weapon. I turned the birds, so they attacked the alien instead.

Man, is my brain weird or what?

So I planned to put on a dress for Christmas dinner at my brother and sister in laws place, when I got hit with a massive spike in anxiety. This makes twice in a row that I had so much anxiety about dressing up that I ended up giving up on it.

I have no idea where this anxiety is coming from, but for now at least, dresses and skirts are going to the back of my closet.

Ah, well. Merry Christmas everybody.

Just to give you all an update, I paid half of the ticket I got for my expired tags and lack of a pink card, as well as getting both updated. To help me remember in the future, I arranged to get an email reminder about a month before my stuff expires next year.

I also got both my laundry and Sharon and Sams laundry done, so I am slowly catching up on the things I couldnt do until I got the car stuff taken care of.

While this is an expensive lesson, I am still upright, still able to drive, and best of all, I am still loved.

Every time I think I have made progress; I manage to screw up and put myself back at square one.

Yesterday's bit of self-sabotage came in the form of a police car stopping me and letting me know I had not renewed my license plates in July. To make things worse, my car insurance company no longer sends out paper versions of my coverage, and because I had never taken the time to go to the library and print out the information, all I had in the car was expired versions.

Please read and leave a comment (if you want to)

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/104512/before-you

So my brother turned 61 years old yesterday, and we had a nice dinner together at a buffet restaurant.

I am so blessed to still have him in my life.

So yesterday and the day before, it pretty much snowed here all day, and it was what you would call a mixed blessing.

One the one hand, the city looks beautiful, white everywhere, and after a pretty grim summer that is a good thing.

On the other hand, drivers here seem to forget how to drive in snow, so car accidents have been plentiful.

Ah well, into every life a little snow must fall, right?

many years ago, a man named Alvin Toffler wrote a book where he argued that the rate of technological change was going so fast, people could no longer adapt, and were suffering a form of culture shock, or as he put it Future Shock.

Since the book came out, the rate of technological change has only increased, and the effects have only gotten worse.

I believe this is one reason for the increase in popularity of movements that wish to slow, stop, or even reverse some of those changes.

so reading the pundits take on the American election, the general takeaway is that Kama losing was trans people's fault.

Apparently, we are such a threat to the wellbeing of the US that because she didn't join the Republicans in declaring us subhuman was the difference.

This would worry me a little less if this wasn't the overall opinion of Republican and Democrat pundits, which means I fully expect the Democrats to throw us under the bus.

Okay, so last night I dreamed I was back in school, and we were going to be taught ballroom dancing.

But when it came time to partner up, I was left without one, and I got so angry at the realization I was never going to be anybody's choice, I yelled at the teacher, and then took a table that was bolted to the floor, ripped it out, and threw it, Hulk style.

Still accepting all hugs, prayers, and comments of support.

so, two things happened to me last night. the first was I had a dream where I was trying to get back to my apartment, and somehow kept ending up on the wrong floor.

Second was I woke up, my clock said it was 8, and for a second, I couldn't figure out if it was 8 AM or PM.

It could be worse, but a little confusion isnt a fun way to start the day.

while the term Triggered has been co-opted, I can think of no other word to describe what happened to me today.

I was doing laundry, and reading a book, when a particular passage in it set off memories of what happened to me as a child.

It took me a while, but I managed to get through it.

That said, I am accepting all hugs right now.

My entry in the Halloween story contest is up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/104039/i-am-worried-a...

Okay so for some reason I have noticed a change in my dreams, in terms of where they take place.

See a lot of my dreams have taken place at or near my old high school in Calgary, but lately, I have been having dreams set on my grandparent's farm, which was just north of a little town called Redwater, which was itself just north of Edmonton. I dont know if this means anything, but it is kind of interesting.

Since yesterday was my laundry day, and most of my non-winter pants were already in my laundry basket, I pulled out a skirt, and because it was a bit cool, I also put on a pair of pantyhose.

Now, despite what my friend Jaci says about me being a girly girl, I do this far less often than you might think, but yesterday I found myself wondering why that is.

Because I felt good.

Tension I didn't even realize I had left me.

I was really hoping to have an entry for the Halloween contest, but my brain has decided to douse me in depression, which has cut off my writing spoons.

maybe I will get lucky and it will lift in time for me to finish the story, but I just dont know.

So I finally got to see my doctor about the x-rays I had done on my legs.

The verdict was that my arthritis has gotten worse in my hips and knees, and I now have arthritis in my ankle. I also have several damaged tendons in my right foot.

My doc gave me a subscription for some physio, but beyond that there isnt anything they can do.

Ah, well.

So yesterday, we went to get groceries, and during our check out, I mentioned that I was a writer to the cashier, she asked me what I had written, and I mentioned my novel Quest for the Silver Cleric, which is available on Amazon Kindle.

She wrote the name down, and promised she would look for it.

So who knows, I might end up with a new fan!

so despite not feeling well today, I managed to help mom make an attempt to fix my bed.

I will know if it works after I sleep in it tonight.

I have come to realize that being the first person to enter a contest has a drawback - after a bit, the story gets lost in the shuffle of all the new ones put out.

so unless you deliberately seek it out, you wont see it, and it probably wont get any more comments or kudos.

ah, well.