so yesterday I helped my aunt get to a dentist appointment, then took her grocery shopping, then mom and I did our own grocery shopping, and ended up going to Costco for paper products before making our way home.

I'd celebrate getting so much done, but I also popped my hip and pulled a muscle in my groin, and after I got home I broke my computer chair, so my celebration is kind of muted.

ah, well.

so yesterday I went to the phone store to try and straighten out what's going on with my cell phone, and the experience was just a bunch of gut-punches

Not only did I spend almost an hour there and accomplished nothing, the whole time both the in store person and the phone help person insisted on using male pronouns for me, even after me showing them my ID that said my name is Dorothy.

I am now hurting badly, and wish I could just hide from the world forever.

So last night, I had a very encouraging dream.

I was back in high school, as Dorothy, and although I had challenges, I kept working on solutions.

Like I would forget a book in my locker, and just go back for it without panicking.

Or I would be unsure of what my next class was, and go to the office and get a new copy of my schedule.

Or a teacher would ask for my legal name, and I responded with "Dorothy" without hesitation.

As I said, I found this dream very encouraging.

I must like to punish myself.

Right now, I've been re-reading "The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant" and once more feeling all the parallels between myself and the character Linden Avery

If that wasn't enough, I just finished binge-watching "Moon Knight" and I can really relate to the main character broken psyche as well.

I wish I could figure out why I'm doing this . . .

Chapter 2 of "Puberty changes everything" is up:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/99572/puberty-changed...

So last night I dreamed this huge guy was threatening people, so I went to him and said I'd shut him down if he didn't stop.

He loomed over me, and said "I'd like to see you try."

So I bear-hugged him so hard I think I broke something in his back.

He vanished.

So, what do you guys think. are huggles dangerous weapons?

new story up:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/99438/puberty-changed...

I need someone to take a look at a new story.

Any volunteers?

Well, I took a little vacation from writing stories, but now I want to get back into it, and to help me and give an update to you folks, here is a list of what I got going right now.

The final chapter of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dot;

A Slip in Time: What if you found yourself back in high school? A lady name Dorothy finds out . . .

My Grandmother's Story: a real story from my family's past.

A Sense of Femininity: why do feminine things feel so good? I try to find out.

New story is up, please read and comment.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/99033/what-is-sound-o...

On Wednesday, I made a terrible mistake, and I am still paying for it.

The elevators in my building were not working, and thanks to being in manic mode, I started to panic about not being able to pick up my brother or take out the garbage.

So I made the mistake of taking the stairs down.

Wednesday, I didn't really feel it, but by Thursday, I was in serious pain, and my left leg simply wouldn't work properly.

Since then the pain has gone down, but I am still struggling to stand, walk, or straighten my leg.

I had intended "Afterglow" to be a solo, but my muse disagreed, so here is part 2

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/98914/afterglow-part-2

I don't like to post stories so close together, but a little piece came to me last night, and I'm setting it free . . .

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/98888/afterglow

new little song is up:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/98876/dorothy-leads-show

Well, the characters of "Games without Frontiers" have decided to take over the story.

wait till you guys see the next chapter . . .

As most of you can tell, "Games without Frontiers" is pulling from the darkest part of my past, and then spinning it by imagining if I had been given support right away.

And writing it is stirring up my PTSD like crazy.

So why am I doing this to myself?

Because I think I have no choice.

This story is bubbling up every time I go to bed, so by the time I wake I either write or explode.

So the story will continue, and I will need all the support I can get.

So I have had a tough time the last couple of days.

Been fighting PTSD, and dealing with depression at the same time.

And just for the sprinkle on top, I have also been dealing with gender dysphoria.

But I will not surrender, and the sun will shine again.

Until it does, I appreciate any huggles you guys want to sent.

So when my brother came over on Friday, he told us that his doctor had a lot of trouble finding a pulse on his foot.

Now, none of the reasons this could have happened are good news, but some are obviously worse than others, and I'm going to admit I'm worried.

So I'm taking all hugs and prayers anybody wants to send my way, and if you would include my brother in those care packages, that would be awesome.

Well, 57 years ago in the tiny Canadian province of New Brunswick, I took my first breath.

Many years later, I found this place, got infected by Jaci's girl germs, making me the crazy lady I am today.

Everybody have a huggle on me, and sorry for the girl germs, those are Jaci's fault!

Okay so yesterday, my PTSD got so bad, that while I was shopping with Sharon and Sam, I bought a plush toy to act as my emergency support helper.

She is a beholder (From D&D), and yes, she is in fact pink.(was there a question about that?_

Anyway she did a good job, but now, she needs a name.

Any suggestions?

If you're the praying type, please pray for me as I am struggling with a combination of PTSD and manic phase rage. If you're not, you could always send a huggle.

So last night, I had a rough dream, and I'm still struggling to shake it.

In the dream, I was at university, and I was being bullied by this guy. So I followed him to his home, and coldly threatened his family if he didn't leave me alone.

Now if I had just lost my temper and maybe hit him, it would be bad, but somehow this calculated anger was much worse.

And like I said, I haven't been able to shake the dream all day, maybe in part because I'm in the depressed end of my bipolar cycle.

Anyway, I'm looking for huggles, if anybody has some to spare.