Okay so last week, I had to get some cavities filled, and is always the case, they had to sedate me.

Once it was over, one of the nurses helped me get to our car, and Mom drove me home.

Except . . .

I can place myself in the driver's seat for the drive home, even though that is impossible.

And so I find myself shaken, wondering what other memories I have are fake, especially the memories I have recovered of the abuse I suffered as a child, as one of the few things I am sure of is my abuser used sedation on me.

hugs appreciated.

I have been trying to set up my new computer, and for the most part I am happy with it, but I do have some minor issues I have not been able to fix. its mostly the keyboard, as somehow when I try the key for the apostrophe and the quotation marks, I get this instead: è È.

I have tried to reconfigure the keyboard, but so far, no luck.

It is not a major thing, I can live without them, but it is kind of annoying, and it has slowed my writing.

Ah, well,

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with my brother.

I think I can finally admit I've been jealous of him pretty much my whole life.

As a kid, I wanted to be able to catch up to him in school, to be competitive with him at ping pong, or play the guitar like he did.

And even when we became adults I always felt like I was not as good as him. He managed to overcome his issues and succeed at college, and get a good job as a programmer, while I failed three times to get a higher education and barely managed to get a certificate as a Nurse's Aide.

yesterday, we went to a graduation party for my daughter's friend Jason.

And while there, I was introduced to a 4 year old girl who apparently decided I needed a hat to complete my look, and gave me hers.

We traded the hat back and forth, and then she upped the ante by giving me not only the hat but a small suitcase filled with her toys.

The whole thing almost made up for being called "Todd" the whole night.

Almost.

well, believe it or not, I managed to bang out a third entry in the "Fresh Start" contest!

you can read it here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/102626/star-tower

please kudo and comment if you like it!

Well, I have some good news to share.

First, I got the results of the CT scan done on my brain back, and it showed no signs of damage or anything. While that is good, it means we still don't know why I have word drop and brain farts.

Second, I am now on stage 2 of dealing with my dentures, which means I can now have solid (if soft) foods.

Step by step, I do what I can, and its great to make progress.

huggles for everybody

I find it odd that even though I have said repeatedly I am dangerous, almost nobody believes me.
I wonder why?

So for the last couple of days, I've been dealing a specific symptom of my depression - a lack of spoons.

I have felt like I was swimming in tar exhausted just getting the minimum done.

I'm starting to come out of it, but huggles appreciated.

so I got a CT scan done of my noggin, and am now waiting to learn the results.

I'm not sure what would be worse - them finding something wrong, or not finding anything wrong.

ah, well.

huggles appreciated.

I got an entry for the "starting over" contest up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/102281/grandmother

so a couple of days ago, we noticed a crack in the ceiling in our bathroom, that had water leaking out of it.

we called the building maintenance person, and after taking a look he said he'd need to get into the suite above us, and no one there was home, so he planned to try again today.

In the meantime, the crack has turned into a piece of the ceiling barely hanging on by one corner, and the water situation is worse.

Hopefully this get fixed before we have to evacuate the apartment.

hugs appreciated.

So yesterday I went to the denturist to get a mold for my dentures, and it was mostly a flop.

My gag reflex just refused to cooperate long enough for them to get a good impression on my top teeth, so I am going to have to go back and try again a week from Thursday.

Sighs, I need huggles, anybody got some to spare?

Well, I just had an odd conversation with Sharon.

She told me that while she cares for me, and always found being with me "fun", she loved me and still loves me like a buddy or a brother, and was never deeply in love with me. She then apologized for not being able to feel deeply in love with me.

I'm not sure what to do with this. I forgave her, but beyond that, I'm kind of stumped.

There is something fundamentally wrong with me when I can't take a compliment from a Facebook game.

sighs.

Big thank you to Piper and the elves for whatever you did to fix my commenting problem. As you guys know, I LOVE to comment, and not being able to was driving me crazy.

So thanks, and have a bunch of huggles!

I'm really glad the site is back up, but I seem to be having an issue with not being able to leave independent comments on stories or even give a kudo.

any advice would be appreciated.

So last night as I was taking Sharon and Sam home, I almost had a collision with another car.

What makes it worse is I'm pretty sure I was at fault.

Now, nobody was hurt, and no damage done, so you could be forgiven for wanting to call that a good thing.

Not me.

I have always struggled with my focus and concentration, and almost all the problems I have had behind the wheel have to do with that, but today was a good reminder than a lapse in either while driving could have serious consequences.

I got a new story up.

Sorry, its not my fluffiest entry. In fact, its kind of dark.

So last night I had a dream.

In the dream I was in a room with three people.

The shortest of the three, who might have been a dwarf, threatened me with a knife, and I knocked it out of their hand.

Then I went to the other two, and said, "You've made a mistake. you took me because you thought I was a good person. But I'm no longer a good person. All I have left is madness. Now, you will let me go, or I'll kill your friend here and eat him, and make you watch."

I woke up before I got an answer.

So all day today I have had memory issues - nothing major, just forgetting my phone, and things like that. Really just minor inconveniences.

But then as I was driving home from helping Sharon and Sam get a few things from the mall, all of a sudden my anxiety went through the roof and I had to take some deep breaths to try and calm down.

Are those two things related? I don't know for sure, but they might be.

Can I do anything? Only what I did, which was to try and ground myself.

ah, well.

hugs appreciated

My province has decided to hate on trans kids.

https://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/canada/alberta-unveils-change...

New story up. sorry, its not a New Year's story, but I hope people like and comment anyway.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/101183/lifes-little-i...