So I looked at my account this morning, and realized I had actually missed my 16th anniversary of being a member of Big Closet.

Boy, its been a busy 16 years!

but besides the changes I have undergone since, one thing remains - this place is a big part of my life, and I continue to be grateful to Erin and her elves who keep this place running.

so my brother had another medical crisis and went back to the hospital - only to be released later.

Meanwhile, I went and saw Thunderbolts, and all I will say is I really relate to Bob. Like him, I carry darkness that is very dangerous . . .

So my brother was taken to the hospital today because his heart issues are getting worse.

All hugs and prayers accepted.

New story up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106310/law-and-order-...

Its very different, so I hope people will read and comment!

so today I found myself drifting into disassociation, without any trigger I could think of.

It is kind of scary that I still have the ability to put my body on autopilot while my brain takes a vacation.

So I guess my latest story is a bit of a flop.

I had wanted to make a clever little story that would serve as a metaphor for having multiple personalities, and apparently almost nobody got that idea.

Which means I wasnt as clever as I hoped I would be. so I am very sorry.

So last night, I dreamed I killed a man.

I was following him up some kind of tunnel or shaft, and it led to a rocky platform. I grabbed the man, and threw him off the platwform.

And since he landed face first on something hard a long way down, I figured he was dead.

weirdest part was I didnt seem fazed by the fact I had just killed.

I dont know if I wanna know why my brain came up with that dream . . .

just so no one panics, my computer is down, so I will not be online for a bit.

everybody take some huggles to keep you busy till I get back!

So last night, I dreamed I was a superhero.

I had this gun that would stun someone without permanent damage.

I got summoned to join a group of other heroes facing off a group of villains.

I was doing well, when suddenly I was hit with a case of dysphoria so bad I could barely walk, and one of the other heroes half carried me to our target.

Dont ask me, folks.

so my subconscious has decided to let me graduate from school, and now sends me dreams of being in the working world.

For the last week or so, I have dreamed of working in a daycare, at a water park, a newspaper office, and last night, working as a manager at a restaurant.

Since I never did any of those jobs in real life I am not sure where they are coming from, or what my subconscious is trying to tell me, if anything.

My brain is weird, which probably doesnt come as a surprise to anyone here.

I honestly don't know what impression I make here. I suspect most of you see me as some combination of Happy Fun Time Huggle Giver, and Woman Who Constantly Sabotages Her Own Life and Then Whines About It.

Well, sadly, I have to do the later, and 2025 is not going well for me.

I have had several issues with my car, including repairing the undercarriage, replacing the battery, and most recently, replacing the tires, and now it seems I am not done yet, as my check engine light turned on today.

Bit of a tough day today, as my car battery died, and with the extreme cold I had to wait quite a while for a tow.

But honestly, one of the worst parts of the whole experience was constantly being called sir on the phone with the towing company, despite my attempts to correct the lady.

I know it's not as big a thing as what many people, including people I love, are going through, but it still hurt

When I first started going out as myself, I got to talk to a lot of women who told me they didn't like most of the feminine stuff.

They would avoid dresses and skirts and the rest unless they had no choice.

I got the impression they saw being feminine as being less, which is an attitude I would expect from guys, but it was a little strange to hear it from women.

Me, I would have given anything to be allowed to be feminine, so hearing women say they saw it as at best kind of meh . . . well, I really dont know what to make of that.

So, the events in the states has me feeling very helpless, which is triggering my PTSD rather badly.

all hugs and prayers appreciated.