So last night, I dreamed I killed a man.

I was following him up some kind of tunnel or shaft, and it led to a rocky platform. I grabbed the man, and threw him off the platwform.

And since he landed face first on something hard a long way down, I figured he was dead.

weirdest part was I didnt seem fazed by the fact I had just killed.

I dont know if I wanna know why my brain came up with that dream . . .

just so no one panics, my computer is down, so I will not be online for a bit.

everybody take some huggles to keep you busy till I get back!

So last night, I dreamed I was a superhero.

I had this gun that would stun someone without permanent damage.

I got summoned to join a group of other heroes facing off a group of villains.

I was doing well, when suddenly I was hit with a case of dysphoria so bad I could barely walk, and one of the other heroes half carried me to our target.

Dont ask me, folks.

so my subconscious has decided to let me graduate from school, and now sends me dreams of being in the working world.

For the last week or so, I have dreamed of working in a daycare, at a water park, a newspaper office, and last night, working as a manager at a restaurant.

Since I never did any of those jobs in real life I am not sure where they are coming from, or what my subconscious is trying to tell me, if anything.

My brain is weird, which probably doesnt come as a surprise to anyone here.

I honestly don't know what impression I make here. I suspect most of you see me as some combination of Happy Fun Time Huggle Giver, and Woman Who Constantly Sabotages Her Own Life and Then Whines About It.

Well, sadly, I have to do the later, and 2025 is not going well for me.

I have had several issues with my car, including repairing the undercarriage, replacing the battery, and most recently, replacing the tires, and now it seems I am not done yet, as my check engine light turned on today.

Bit of a tough day today, as my car battery died, and with the extreme cold I had to wait quite a while for a tow.

But honestly, one of the worst parts of the whole experience was constantly being called sir on the phone with the towing company, despite my attempts to correct the lady.

I know it's not as big a thing as what many people, including people I love, are going through, but it still hurt

When I first started going out as myself, I got to talk to a lot of women who told me they didn't like most of the feminine stuff.

They would avoid dresses and skirts and the rest unless they had no choice.

I got the impression they saw being feminine as being less, which is an attitude I would expect from guys, but it was a little strange to hear it from women.

Me, I would have given anything to be allowed to be feminine, so hearing women say they saw it as at best kind of meh . . . well, I really dont know what to make of that.

So, the events in the states has me feeling very helpless, which is triggering my PTSD rather badly.

all hugs and prayers appreciated.

so I have been getting this reoccurring image, and I think I will have to figure out a story to go with it.

Here is the image:

There is a new form of VR, that taps into the brain of the user, to produce an avatar of their inmost self.

A group of trans people have been offered the chance to be beta testers, and being very attracted to the idea, they say yes.

The initial setting is a park, and one by one, the group comes in, getting to see their authentic selves, many for the first time.

I am faced with a dilemma.

I have 2 pieces that are nearly finished, but I am hesitant to publish either of them.

One is a story based on a comic that I doubt many people have read or even heard of, and the other is a story about my grandmothers struggles with the Catholic church.

And while I have stories in my collection that didn't get a lot of attention, and much fewer comments or kudos, it's another thing entirely to publish something I KNOW won't be very successful.

So last night, I dreamed that I came to the conclusion that I needed to go back into the closet.

Between this and a couple of incidents where I got so anxious about putting on nylons, I had to give it up, I am not sure what is going on in my head, but it doesn't seem good.

last night I dreamed I was the Doctor, and I used my sonic screwdriver to stop an alien who was using birds as a weapon. I turned the birds, so they attacked the alien instead.

Man, is my brain weird or what?

So I planned to put on a dress for Christmas dinner at my brother and sister in laws place, when I got hit with a massive spike in anxiety. This makes twice in a row that I had so much anxiety about dressing up that I ended up giving up on it.

I have no idea where this anxiety is coming from, but for now at least, dresses and skirts are going to the back of my closet.

Ah, well. Merry Christmas everybody.

Every time I think I have made progress; I manage to screw up and put myself back at square one.

Yesterday's bit of self-sabotage came in the form of a police car stopping me and letting me know I had not renewed my license plates in July. To make things worse, my car insurance company no longer sends out paper versions of my coverage, and because I had never taken the time to go to the library and print out the information, all I had in the car was expired versions.