Happy Canada Day everybody. For some reason, it feels more important this year. Cant imagine why . . .

So yesterday, I had to take Sharon to the ER because of high blood pressure. She finally got to go home today, and was told she has to take BP meds, and that she could have died.

So a near miss, I guess. I hope she takes the warning seriously.

When I first began my transition, I was told I could not get SRS because I was obese.

At 350 lbs, I didn't really have an argument against that.

Well, I weighed myself today, and I am now 285 lbs.

And it doesn't matter a whit, as I have several other health issues that mean I can't get SRS even if I could continue to lose weight until I am officially not obese.

I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or just appreciate the irony.

As the world seems to spiral down into darkness, I am reminded of something Fred Rodgers said.

He said "look for the helpers"

Look for the EMTs, the nurses, the doctors, those volunteering in soup kitchens and donation depots. But also look for those doing small things like helping a neighbor clear their sidewalk or visiting a senior home. In times of cruelty, look for kindness, look for mercy.

So I got a new story up, and got some encouraging news about Sharon.

She went to a doctor to get medical info for applying for unemployment, and it looks like Sam will have a part time job being a aide to a young disabled man.

So double good news (I hope!)

by the way, the story is here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106912/charm-ing-gift

So last night I dreamed I was back and school, and even though I was doing okay in class, I felt like there was a barrier between me and the other students, one I could see through, but could never cross. I would never truly connect with them, nor they with me.

That's pretty much how I felt in real life too - and I still struggle with feeling like that today.

So I looked at my account this morning, and realized I had actually missed my 16th anniversary of being a member of Big Closet.

Boy, its been a busy 16 years!

but besides the changes I have undergone since, one thing remains - this place is a big part of my life, and I continue to be grateful to Erin and her elves who keep this place running.

so my brother had another medical crisis and went back to the hospital - only to be released later.

Meanwhile, I went and saw Thunderbolts, and all I will say is I really relate to Bob. Like him, I carry darkness that is very dangerous . . .

So my brother was taken to the hospital today because his heart issues are getting worse.

All hugs and prayers accepted.

New story up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/106310/law-and-order-...

Its very different, so I hope people will read and comment!

so today I found myself drifting into disassociation, without any trigger I could think of.

It is kind of scary that I still have the ability to put my body on autopilot while my brain takes a vacation.

So I guess my latest story is a bit of a flop.

I had wanted to make a clever little story that would serve as a metaphor for having multiple personalities, and apparently almost nobody got that idea.

Which means I wasnt as clever as I hoped I would be. so I am very sorry.

So last night, I dreamed I killed a man.

I was following him up some kind of tunnel or shaft, and it led to a rocky platform. I grabbed the man, and threw him off the platwform.

And since he landed face first on something hard a long way down, I figured he was dead.

weirdest part was I didnt seem fazed by the fact I had just killed.

I dont know if I wanna know why my brain came up with that dream . . .

just so no one panics, my computer is down, so I will not be online for a bit.

everybody take some huggles to keep you busy till I get back!

So last night, I dreamed I was a superhero.

I had this gun that would stun someone without permanent damage.

I got summoned to join a group of other heroes facing off a group of villains.

I was doing well, when suddenly I was hit with a case of dysphoria so bad I could barely walk, and one of the other heroes half carried me to our target.

Dont ask me, folks.