I don't like to post stories so close together, but a little piece came to me last night, and I'm setting it free . . .

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/98888/afterglow

Well, the characters of "Games without Frontiers" have decided to take over the story.

wait till you guys see the next chapter . . .

As most of you can tell, "Games without Frontiers" is pulling from the darkest part of my past, and then spinning it by imagining if I had been given support right away.

And writing it is stirring up my PTSD like crazy.

So why am I doing this to myself?

Because I think I have no choice.

This story is bubbling up every time I go to bed, so by the time I wake I either write or explode.

So the story will continue, and I will need all the support I can get.

So I have had a tough time the last couple of days.

Been fighting PTSD, and dealing with depression at the same time.

And just for the sprinkle on top, I have also been dealing with gender dysphoria.

But I will not surrender, and the sun will shine again.

Until it does, I appreciate any huggles you guys want to sent.

So when my brother came over on Friday, he told us that his doctor had a lot of trouble finding a pulse on his foot.

Now, none of the reasons this could have happened are good news, but some are obviously worse than others, and I'm going to admit I'm worried.

So I'm taking all hugs and prayers anybody wants to send my way, and if you would include my brother in those care packages, that would be awesome.

Well, 57 years ago in the tiny Canadian province of New Brunswick, I took my first breath.

Many years later, I found this place, got infected by Jaci's girl germs, making me the crazy lady I am today.

Everybody have a huggle on me, and sorry for the girl germs, those are Jaci's fault!

Okay so yesterday, my PTSD got so bad, that while I was shopping with Sharon and Sam, I bought a plush toy to act as my emergency support helper.

She is a beholder (From D&D), and yes, she is in fact pink.(was there a question about that?_

Anyway she did a good job, but now, she needs a name.

Any suggestions?

If you're the praying type, please pray for me as I am struggling with a combination of PTSD and manic phase rage. If you're not, you could always send a huggle.

So last night, I had a rough dream, and I'm still struggling to shake it.

In the dream, I was at university, and I was being bullied by this guy. So I followed him to his home, and coldly threatened his family if he didn't leave me alone.

Now if I had just lost my temper and maybe hit him, it would be bad, but somehow this calculated anger was much worse.

And like I said, I haven't been able to shake the dream all day, maybe in part because I'm in the depressed end of my bipolar cycle.

Anyway, I'm looking for huggles, if anybody has some to spare.

Okay so last night I had a pair of dreams that were about as opposite as you could get.

In the first one, I was part of a group of people trapped inside a cave complex. I was steady and sure, I gave people jobs to do, and I encouraged everyone.

In short I was the kind of person I wish I was more often in real life.

Then in the second dream, I was at a large gathering. Things were going okay until some of the kids (in the dream I was clearly a kid as well), decided to go inside to play, leaving me outside.

Today, I found a fairly large scratch on my lower right leg, and as occasionally if not often happens, I have no idea how it happened.

I feel like maybe I should use the technique lepers use - Visual Survey of Extremities - in case I had seriously hurt myself without knowing.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

I am trying to learn to be grateful for the small gifts.

Like yesterday, I went over to Mike and Carol's to check on their kitties while they are away for the weekend.

Already that's something to be grateful for - that they trust me enough to do that.

While there. I got a chance to say hello to Blanca, who as always met me with her list of complaints, and then I noticed Lucy sitting on the couch.

so last night I dreamed I was on a cop show with David Boreanaz. I helped interview a suspect, I fielded a call from headquarters, and the two of us drove back to the station together after rescuing a co-worker.

Hey, don't ask me, folks. I just do the dreaming.

Just wanted to give a big shout-out of thanks to all the people who took a look at my story.

I'm working on the edited version, and you guys have helped make that a lot better.

Hopefully I'll be publishing soon, and you guys can judge for yourself.

So I stood up to my stepfather last night.

Okay it was just a dream, but still . . .

I dreamed I walked back to the house we had in Calgary, and found him there picking on my younger self.

So I got between them, and told my stepfather if he wanted to pick on someone, he could try me, as I was his size.

He ran away, leaving me behind, calling him a coward.

Then I woke up.

I honestly am not sure how to feel about this dream, but I think its a hopeful sign.