yesterday I had two dreams that have me thinking I might be going in a good direction.
In the first I was in line to see a movie and wanted to make sure I'd be able to stop at the concession stand, and in the second I was at university and headed towards my locker after my last class.
What made these dreams different was that I knew where I wanted to go, I just had to make the journey, instead of feeling anxious that I wouldn't be able to find what I was looking for.
So Mom and I thought we were feeling well enough to go get some groceries, but while walking around Walmart, my knee tweaked and Mom told me to go back to the car.
Once back at the car, I had a complete breakdown - crying, shaking, and not being able to stop.
Fortunately I had myself under control by the time mom came out with the groceries, so she didn't see my breakdown, but honestly, I still feel pretty shaky
a health update: most of my flu symptoms have ended except I have a runny nose, and its hard to complain about that when I have felt so bad the last couple of days.
I have also started working on a new story, which has started out being something more appropriate to Halloween than now, which has me thinking once more that I am not the creator of my stories, they just arrive, and my only job is to be a good delivery girl and pass them on.
well, yesterday was a scary day. I was helping Sharon do some running around, and suddenly I had no idea which direction we were facing or what avenue was closest.
Sharon helped get me reoriented, so all safe, but its one more sign my brain has serious issues
Well, my good mood has gone pop. after I posted on Facebook about the gift I got this year, I got this reply from my sister in law: "It's a shame that after the love and grace received thought your brother deserved no card, nor gift but a black lump of coal. It's even more a shame he expected no better treatment."
I'm facing a moral dilemma and I need everybody's help.
See, I had something very good happen to me yesterday, and originally I planned to come here and share it at full volume, but then I started thinking.
I'm already much better off than a lot of the people here, at least in terms of how accepting their loved ones are of the gender stuff, and I started to wonder if me sharing would make those people feel worse about their own situations.
And since I don't want to hurt anybody, should maybe I just . . . not share?
Okay so last night I dreamed I was one of a group of teens at a day camp studying to become cadets so they could enter the military after high school.
We studied military history, specifically Julius Caesar, and at the end of the camp all the cadets were in dress uniforms for the trip home.
But their uniforms included what I can only describe as a skirt. Not a kilt, but a plain red skirt with white stripes on the sides. Yes, boys and girls were in this outfit.
After a nice Saturday with Sharon and Sam, including a gift exchange, we were surprised when Sharon called us and said she'd left a bag at a drug store.
So this afternoon we went down there, picked them up, took them to the store, and got the bag, and then Sharon said she needed to go to a local mall. I assumed it was some last minute shopping but when we got there she asked how long she and Sam could take in the mall, and feeling slightly boxed in, I said they could have an hour, and mom said they could have an hour and a half.
It started with me being at a university, and one of the students, a young black man, gave me his coat. I put it on, turned a corner, and suddenly I was the only white person I saw in the halls. I went back and found the young man and gave him the coat back, and then I "jumped" into a new situation.
Well, Sharon has decided to leave her job as a school custodian.
Between her reluctance to get vaccinated, and the fact that her doctor has told her she needs to cut back because of heart issues, she will be leaving Edmonton Public Schools at the end of December.
She has arranged that in the new year she will be working as a cleaner in a home three days a week.
I hope she's thought this all through, and knows how to get extra support if she needs it, as I simply do not have the funds to help.
I got my eye exam done and new glasses ordered, I got my laundry done, and I went through all the paperwork in my paperwork drawer and put what I need to keep in an accordion file and threw out the rest.
we had a huge blizzard yesterday, so my brother and I spent about 2 hours between yesterday and today clearing it enough for our cars to be able to get out.
Once again, I'm reminded just how much I depend on him, as I would have taken 5 hours or more by myself.
Okay so I've been trying to be mindful of my emotional state during my current manic phase, and I think I found out something. I'm more suspectable to anger while manic.
I guess this makes sense, since I've seen people who are normally mild mannered turn angry and hostile after say having a few drinks.
So that's something I'm going to have to watch out for, but at least now I know it can happen.
For some reason I looked at my left hand palm side up, and I saw a bunch of fine scratches. Nothing new about finding scratches, I do that to myself all the time and don't remember when, but then, a couple of hours later I looked again . . .
No scratches. No signs there had ever been scratches there.
I don't quite know what to make of this, folks . . .
Well, I got some things done today, but at a cost.
I helped sweep out the grate, and went to try and get my meds. I got the one med, but the blister pack wont be ready until Friday. By the time I was coming home I was crying from knee pain.
Then I had to somehow get things under control so I could drive south and pick up Sam at work.
Sharon originally asked us to come down at 9 AM so Sam could give her boss a direct deposit slip - only to call us just before we left to come down at 11 30 instead, then she called at 1030 and asked if we were on the way yet - it only takes us 20 min to get there.
then we get to Sam's work, and since its a pizza place nobody was there yet so we had to go to the mall so they could kill time until the manager would be there.
I've been trying to monitor my emotional state in terms of my bipolar issues, and I think I have discovered something.
I had assumed that my cycle followed a simple pattern - a slow curve up during my manic phase, followed by a slow curve down during my depression phase.
Apparently, its a bit more complicated than that.
During my current manic phase, I've had a couple of what I'm going to call "quick drops" - times when my mood suddenly went way down.
Good news - he tested me, and I'm at the low end of normal.
Better news - He believes my sleep apnea is a major factor in my memory issues, and said he will send a letter to Alberta disability support to get on their horse and get me a Bipap machine.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
