so I got some great news, as the Alberta disability support department has agreed to pay for me to get a new CPAP machine.

so months of stress, finally I am going to not worry anymore.

Wanted to share.

So going into yesterday I was looking at having a ton of "to do" things on my schedule until the end of the year, and I was getting kind of stressed about it.

Then life added another item to the list.

One of the tires on my car started losing air.

After frantically phoning around, I was getting to the point where I was wondering how I would get anything done if I couldn't get the tire fixed.

Okay so the last time I was over at Mike and Carol's they were packing up their books, and I took one that was a collection of the Nebula award winners from 1966. (The Nebula awards are presented by SF authors to the best stories of that year.)

One of the runners up was a cute little love story by Frederik Pohl, called Day Million.

The story is about a boy (of sorts), and a girl, and the girl was born a boy.

And the society in which they live, not only recognized her true nature, but had the ability to reshape her body to match her mind and heart.

so I have been using a CPAP machine for a while, and it had done wonders for my sleep apnea.

Unfortunately, it was only a loaner, and I have to return it Friday.

And because of mistakes I made trying to get Alberta Disabled support to cover me for one, I am going to be without one for the foreseeable

There have been a lot of times, I've made massive errors, and somehow avoided consequences, so if this time I am going to pay for my mistakes, so I can't kick too hard.

Still, its gonna suck not having the machine considering how bad my apnea is.

Some time after I had been on this site for a while, I realized I had managed to publish at least one story, poem, or essay each calendar month with one exception.

Being the kind of individual I am, it became an obsession to keep this streak going, and honestly, I think the quality of my stories suffered for it.

Well, as of midnight tonight, the streak is over, as I have not been able to produce any content for the month of November.

so yesterday, I went to the endo doctor's office, and ran into the doctor who had been treating me when I was part of the bariatric program, and she complimented me on the growth I've had since then.

I really needed to hear that.

So, we went to Sam's doctor today and got some good news.

Her CT scan showed no problems, which means whatever is wrong with her, it's not being caused by a tumor or a stroke or anything of that kind.

Which means that as was suspected at first, this is a psychological issue, or possibly a chemical imbalance, or maybe a bit of both.

We're a long way from a cure, but I think this was a major step forward.

So last night, I dreamed I was a freshman in university, and unlike a lot of my dreams, I was prepared. I had my schedule, a map, and a notebook where I wrote down where each class I was taking was located.

I'm hoping that dream means I am becoming less a victim of circumstances and recognizing I can do things to make my situation better.

so yesterday Mom and I helped Sharon and Sam go to a doctor's appointment, and she has apparently been getting worse.

Sharon said she's sleeping poorly, having nightmares, and she had to fight like crazy to get Sam to take a meal replacement drink.

Sam's brain scan on Tuesday can't come soon enough . . ..

so, I got a flu shot and COVID booster yesterday and spent the whole time babbling about all the stressful stuff going on in my life.

The lady giving me the shots deserves a medal for putting up with me.

Okay so for the third time since we moved into this place in July we had our car door window smashed.

Mom's a wreck, and I am barely holding it together.

hugs needed and appreciated.

so yesterday, I spilled hot coffee on myself, and when I went to check on the burn, I discovered I have a massive bruise on my lower tummy where I give myself my insulin injections.

For whatever reason, this has set off my PTSD, and I've been shaky ever since.

hugs appreciated

okay so last night, I dreamed I was laying on a beach, just relaxing listening to the waves, when a band started playing music near me. something in the music moved me, so I got up to thank them - and realized the top half of my bathing suit was missing.

I grabbed the towel I had been laying on to cover myself, apologized to the band, and ran like heck towards a building containing lockers where presumably my clothes were.

make of that what you will.

I always seem to be doing this:

Apologizing for not having any stories ready.

But real life has done a number on me, and I have had very little spoons left over.

So I'm stuck apologizing, yet again.

Sorry folks

I had a nightmare last night that I had been r*ped, and was trying to tell a female police officer about it while in a bathroom. In the dream I kept repeating "I want to die"

As you might expect, I am shaking.

hugs appreciated.