I need to apologise to anybody who got worried about my last post.

First a bit of an explanation. due to some passive-aggressive stuff by me, I ended up owing extra on my cable/internet bill, and could not pay it off this month.

I ended up rage-quitting with my provider, and then panicked that if I suddenly wasn't on for a while, people would worry about me.

instead, because all my manic energy turned into self-hate, my post was more likely to worry people.

I was already in the process of finding a new provider, so if there is a gap, it shouldn't be long.

I don't want to scare anybody, but I might just have a hope of being able to enter the new year's contest.

I have 400 words done, so I need to come up with another 2,100 words to qualify, so I might not make it.

But I figured I would warn you all anyway.

I finally have something new up, but I don't think people are gonna like it.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/100410/end-girly-girl...

Okay so Mom and I went to get our laundry done today, despite still recovering from the flu.

We use a laundromat rather than the machines in our building, because they aren't all that good.

So we get there, get our loads started, and this gentlemen starts talking to my mom, because she mentioned living in the northern part of the province, and he apparently worked out there.

I swear, he was basically chatting her up, but I wasn't going to be a spoilsport and tell him to stop.

So this morning when Mom and I went out to our car, we discovered someone had smashed in the driver's side window - for the 4th time since we moved in here.

I'm hanging in there, but hugs appreciated.

So last night I dreamed that my brother Mike and I were racing around the University of Alberta campus in wheelchairs.

He managed to lose me, but I was hunting for him when my mom and my daughter found me, and we decided to find my brother together.

Nice to have a fun dream once in a while.

My PTSD has decided to pay me a visit.

As a result, I'm very shaky.

hugs appreciated.

I just watched the final episode of Doom Patrol. I can so relate to Jane's journey, coming to terms with what had happened to her, and finally beginning to re-integrate her other selves.

that the story ends on a hopeful note honestly gives me hope for myself.

Well, I am finally recovering from the flu, and so is my mom.

maybe now I can get back to writing . . .

Its been a bit since I blogged, so I want assure everybody I am still alive.

further updates as the situation requires.

so yesterday I helped my aunt get to a dentist appointment, then took her grocery shopping, then mom and I did our own grocery shopping, and ended up going to Costco for paper products before making our way home.

I'd celebrate getting so much done, but I also popped my hip and pulled a muscle in my groin, and after I got home I broke my computer chair, so my celebration is kind of muted.

ah, well.

so yesterday I went to the phone store to try and straighten out what's going on with my cell phone, and the experience was just a bunch of gut-punches

Not only did I spend almost an hour there and accomplished nothing, the whole time both the in store person and the phone help person insisted on using male pronouns for me, even after me showing them my ID that said my name is Dorothy.

I am now hurting badly, and wish I could just hide from the world forever.

So last night, I had a very encouraging dream.

I was back in high school, as Dorothy, and although I had challenges, I kept working on solutions.

Like I would forget a book in my locker, and just go back for it without panicking.

Or I would be unsure of what my next class was, and go to the office and get a new copy of my schedule.

Or a teacher would ask for my legal name, and I responded with "Dorothy" without hesitation.

As I said, I found this dream very encouraging.

I must like to punish myself.

Right now, I've been re-reading "The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant" and once more feeling all the parallels between myself and the character Linden Avery

If that wasn't enough, I just finished binge-watching "Moon Knight" and I can really relate to the main character broken psyche as well.

I wish I could figure out why I'm doing this . . .

Chapter 2 of "Puberty changes everything" is up:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/99572/puberty-changed...