Well, 57 years ago in the tiny Canadian province of New Brunswick, I took my first breath.

Many years later, I found this place, got infected by Jaci's girl germs, making me the crazy lady I am today.

Everybody have a huggle on me, and sorry for the girl germs, those are Jaci's fault!

Okay so yesterday, my PTSD got so bad, that while I was shopping with Sharon and Sam, I bought a plush toy to act as my emergency support helper.

She is a beholder (From D&D), and yes, she is in fact pink.(was there a question about that?_

Anyway she did a good job, but now, she needs a name.

Any suggestions?

If you're the praying type, please pray for me as I am struggling with a combination of PTSD and manic phase rage. If you're not, you could always send a huggle.

So last night, I had a rough dream, and I'm still struggling to shake it.

In the dream, I was at university, and I was being bullied by this guy. So I followed him to his home, and coldly threatened his family if he didn't leave me alone.

Now if I had just lost my temper and maybe hit him, it would be bad, but somehow this calculated anger was much worse.

And like I said, I haven't been able to shake the dream all day, maybe in part because I'm in the depressed end of my bipolar cycle.

Anyway, I'm looking for huggles, if anybody has some to spare.

Okay so last night I had a pair of dreams that were about as opposite as you could get.

In the first one, I was part of a group of people trapped inside a cave complex. I was steady and sure, I gave people jobs to do, and I encouraged everyone.

In short I was the kind of person I wish I was more often in real life.

Then in the second dream, I was at a large gathering. Things were going okay until some of the kids (in the dream I was clearly a kid as well), decided to go inside to play, leaving me outside.

Today, I found a fairly large scratch on my lower right leg, and as occasionally if not often happens, I have no idea how it happened.

I feel like maybe I should use the technique lepers use - Visual Survey of Extremities - in case I had seriously hurt myself without knowing.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

I am trying to learn to be grateful for the small gifts.

Like yesterday, I went over to Mike and Carol's to check on their kitties while they are away for the weekend.

Already that's something to be grateful for - that they trust me enough to do that.

While there. I got a chance to say hello to Blanca, who as always met me with her list of complaints, and then I noticed Lucy sitting on the couch.

so last night I dreamed I was on a cop show with David Boreanaz. I helped interview a suspect, I fielded a call from headquarters, and the two of us drove back to the station together after rescuing a co-worker.

Hey, don't ask me, folks. I just do the dreaming.

Just wanted to give a big shout-out of thanks to all the people who took a look at my story.

I'm working on the edited version, and you guys have helped make that a lot better.

Hopefully I'll be publishing soon, and you guys can judge for yourself.

So I stood up to my stepfather last night.

Okay it was just a dream, but still . . .

I dreamed I walked back to the house we had in Calgary, and found him there picking on my younger self.

So I got between them, and told my stepfather if he wanted to pick on someone, he could try me, as I was his size.

He ran away, leaving me behind, calling him a coward.

Then I woke up.

I honestly am not sure how to feel about this dream, but I think its a hopeful sign.

Yep, my 14th anniversary of being on this site has arrived. (well, my account says "13 years, 12 months" but details).

Boy, things sure change in 14 years - which isn't really surprising, but somethings remain pretty much the same.

I still love reading the amazing writing offered in this site, and am always staggered to even be mentioned in the same breath as some of the talented writers here.

I am still the one who comments on a lot of stories, which I hope isn't annoying.

And I am still the one who is hopefully growing and improving as time goes by.

so we have signed another year long lease for our apartment.

The place isn't perfect, but its as good as we can do, unless subsidized housing comes through for us.

I am not really sure why I haven't been blogging the last couple of days, but for anybody who is interested, here is an update:

I got my registration and insurance issues fixed, so I am back on the road, which is good news.

I took a heart stress test, and did very well, with my blood pressure well inside the normal range, which is also good news.

I've made some progress on my new Fluke story, which may or may not be good news, depending how you feel about that character.

Well, I have managed to make my life harder.

First, I got taken by a scammer and now I have lost my Facebook account.

Then, today, a cop told me my registration for my car had expired. I went to go fix that, only to discover my insurance had also expired.

I'm doing my best to fix this, but boy would it be great if I wouldn't put myself in these situations to begin with.

A couple of days ago my aunt Terry asked if we wanted to join her for Easter dinner, and we accepted.

So after I came home from Easter service at my church, we picked up another one of my aunts, and went over to Terry's place.

What we hadn't realized that her ex husband and her adult kids were also going to be there, and I don't think I've seen them since I started my transition in earnest.

So there I was, in my best Easter dress, sitting with a bunch of guys.

And nothing bad happened.