dorothycolleen's blog

my celling is falling down

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so a couple of days ago, we noticed a crack in the ceiling in our bathroom, that had water leaking out of it.

we called the building maintenance person, and after taking a look he said he'd need to get into the suite above us, and no one there was home, so he planned to try again today.

In the meantime, the crack has turned into a piece of the ceiling barely hanging on by one corner, and the water situation is worse.

Hopefully this get fixed before we have to evacuate the apartment.

hugs appreciated.

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going to be a very busy week next week

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So next week, I'm going to be super busy being the taxi for my aunt, as well as having another attempt at getting a mold for my new dentures.

It means I'm going to have to make sure I squeeze in down time for myself whenever I can, so I may not be around much.

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so yesterday was mostly a flop

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So yesterday I went to the denturist to get a mold for my dentures, and it was mostly a flop.

My gag reflex just refused to cooperate long enough for them to get a good impression on my top teeth, so I am going to have to go back and try again a week from Thursday.

Sighs, I need huggles, anybody got some to spare?

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I am going to need dentures

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so my dentist had to give me the bad news - I am going to need dentures, as my teeth are causing too many issues.

I cant help feeling like a failure. If I could have overcome my tendency to skip on my self care, its possible I could have avoided this.

ah, well.

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had an odd conversation with Sharon

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Well, I just had an odd conversation with Sharon.

She told me that while she cares for me, and always found being with me "fun", she loved me and still loves me like a buddy or a brother, and was never deeply in love with me. She then apologized for not being able to feel deeply in love with me.

I'm not sure what to do with this. I forgave her, but beyond that, I'm kind of stumped.

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Piers Morgan and friends hate on Dylan Mulvaney.

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I hate posting twice in one day, but I watched about 3 minutes of Piers Morgan hosting a "debate" on Dylan Mulvaney. the amount of just utter hatred towards trans people, the complete lack of respect or even treating someone like a human being was just awful to watch. It sucks to be a part of a tiny minority that has attracted the attention (and hate) of people.

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a near miss

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So last night as I was taking Sharon and Sam home, I almost had a collision with another car.

What makes it worse is I'm pretty sure I was at fault.

Now, nobody was hurt, and no damage done, so you could be forgiven for wanting to call that a good thing.

Not me.

I have always struggled with my focus and concentration, and almost all the problems I have had behind the wheel have to do with that, but today was a good reminder than a lapse in either while driving could have serious consequences.

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dreaming of transitioning as a teen?

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Its pretty rare for me to dream of something related to being trans, but it does happen sometimes, and last night was a good example.

in my dream, I somehow got into trouble with a teacher regarding a dress code, which resulted in me being asked to wear a red bra under my shirt, which was white, and anybody could clearly see the bra if they were near me.

Then, one of my classmates asked me to flirt with a boy to distract him from something, and I responded I didn't know how to flirt, but she just told me to try anyway.

Gee, you think this would make a good story?

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"All I have left is madness"

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So last night I had a dream.

In the dream I was in a room with three people.

The shortest of the three, who might have been a dwarf, threatened me with a knife, and I knocked it out of their hand.

Then I went to the other two, and said, "You've made a mistake. you took me because you thought I was a good person. But I'm no longer a good person. All I have left is madness. Now, you will let me go, or I'll kill your friend here and eat him, and make you watch."

I woke up before I got an answer.

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I'm having a little contest with myself

Right now, "Resolution Evaluation" has 63 kudos, and "Night Shift" has 58 "kudos. I'm curious if "Night Shift" can catch up, so I'm kind of competing with myself on the subject.

Of course, "Resolution Evaluation" has 28 comments (half of which are my replies), while "Night Shift" only has 10, so its not likely "Night Shift" can catch up in that area before the contest ends, but it looks like the kudo count will end up being close.

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anxiety and memory issues

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So all day today I have had memory issues - nothing major, just forgetting my phone, and things like that. Really just minor inconveniences.

But then as I was driving home from helping Sharon and Sam get a few things from the mall, all of a sudden my anxiety went through the roof and I had to take some deep breaths to try and calm down.

Are those two things related? I don't know for sure, but they might be.

Can I do anything? Only what I did, which was to try and ground myself.

ah, well.

hugs appreciated

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Hockey in Canada might be facing a pivotal moment

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So the news is saying 4 current and one former NHL player have been charged in relation to an alleged sexual assault that happened 2018.

What makes this interesting is that Hockey Canada, who was responsible for the players at the time seemed more interested in making the problem go away, giving the accuser a lot of money in a lawsuit settlement.

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I thought I might have another entry for the New Year's contest

I thought I might have another entry for the the New Year's contest in me, but the story has petered out after about 400 words.

Ah, well, I should go back to some of my unfinished ideas . . .

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had a frustrating day with Sharon

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Well, I spent 7 hours trying to help Sharon get medical treatment for her hand, which was swollen and apparently painful.

Rather than go to her own doctor, she insisted on going to an emergency room instead.

Well, they are called "emergency rooms" for a reason - they treat the most critical cases first.

So after 7 hours, she gave up and wanted to be taken home.

Any suggestions we gave to help were dismissed, and it seems that she has given up on getting help from doctors, and will go back to prayer and faith healing.

ah, well.

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small victories

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So, about a week and a half ago, mom and I switched internet providers, and then after the technician had done the set-up, we realized he had forgotten to set up my mom's computer.

This led to me spending the better part of 2 days trying to get help to set things up by phone.

But today, I asked someone at a store belonging to the provider, and he showed me what I needed to do - there was a password on the bottom of the tower I needed to put in.

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giving a friend a boost

A friend of mine, using the pen name of Marissa Lynn, has decided to join the ranks of authors on Big Closet.

Her first piece is up, so check it out, and make sure to leave a comment!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/101010/til-you-make-it

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why would I apologize for crying ?

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So among my nightmares and flashbacks over the last couple of days, I had a dream where I was sitting with a woman, and for whatever reason my abuse came up, and I started crying.

But as I started crying I also began to apologise for losing it like that.

Now this was just a dream, but the fact is I usually apologise if I start crying, regardless of the cause of my tears.

I am not exactly sure why, it might be the "boys don't cry" thing, but something tells me its something deeper.

I might have to do a deep dive into my memories to find out, which scares me.

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bad news, and PTSD

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Well, bad news about the apartment search. we had to cancel the walkthrough because of a blizzard, and since then, despite me phoning the man who was supposed to lead us through the place several times, he has not let us know if we can reschedule.

I've come to the conclusion he got a renter for it, and isn't bothering to even tell us.

If that wasn't enough fun, the last two days I have been dealing with nasty memories, flashbacks, and nightmares related to the abuse I suffered as a kid.

Hugs and prayers appreciated.

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