Autobiographical

my brain is afraid of being afraid

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

One of my biggest struggles is having a shower. (there are reasons for that, but they aren't important right now).

But what really is frustrating is that instead of my brain saying "I'm scared of showers because of BAD THING", it tries to give me excuses to not shower - I'm too busy, too tired, too hot, too cold. or tries to distract me with a book or a website or a video or even a train of thought.

It seems that my brain is scared of admitting its scared, so I have to get through the fear of fear in order to actually face my fear.

Ah, well.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

2 dreams

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

2 dreams for you all:

1st dream, I somehow learned how to fly. What made it weird is nobody else seemed to be all that impressed.

2nd dream, I dreamed I was somehow in a romantic comedy. a man decided to help me meet a girl by switching our glasses. This actually worked, and the girl and I had a nice "meet cute" moment.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

OK, so I’m looking for suggestions………

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

One of my daughters-in-law is finally about to make my spouse and I grandparents for the first time this October. We (my spouse and I) are putting a baby shower on for her this Saturday, and have been putting a lot of effort into getting ready over the past several weeks. Tomorrow is a day for some final prep work, including finalizing some of the food, and then hopefully relax until Friday evening.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

stress, and possible heat stroke

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

So the last while I have been running around like crazy for Sharon, as she continues to try to sell her house and buy something cheaper.

But not only have been dealing with the stress of that, it has been hot and humid here a lot lately, and I think I may have given myself issues from the heat as I am really struggling with being "off" in some way I can't quite define.

Its been a long week, and its only Monday, so hugs appreciated.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

The Places I have Been, The Names I Wear, & Loving my Voice

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

This is just my story, not some crafted persona, certainly not some clever ruse (I consider myself barely intelligent). Just a reflection on the slow, imperfect journey of growing into the voice I am becoming.

When I first started writing, I felt the real 'me' was boring. Too rushed and too... eager. like a child jumping to show off their 'incredible' project. Everything felt... off. So I reflected and put on a bit of an edge. Jax Voss was the name I gave her.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

tough day today

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

kind of a tough day today.

Started with a dream where I was at some event I wasn't supposed to be at, and when caught I began to cry for mercy and was in total fear.

Then I went for a hearing test, and I will be needing hearing aids.

Then I gave Sharon and Sam a ride, and while out Sharon made a big deal of the fact I was in a skirt.

So I am accepting all hugs today.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

"I want to go home"

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

so I dreamed that I was back and school, and I was doing so poorly I wanted to quit. A teacher tried to tell me to be patient with the place and with myself, but I kept saying "I want to go home".

Now, I'm no expert, but even I can see that this dream is really about life.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Getting out and about as Leeanna

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

A couple of weeks ago, I met up with my angel Mike. I have blogged before about him. We meet up several times every year. He encourages me to express my "Leeanna" side. When I first met up with him I was petrified going for a walk along a quite seafront at night. Each meeting now I cross another boundary.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

POST REMOVED. :(

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

I should have gotten used to this by now...I follow a female adventure motorbike rider with 2.5 million followers who now has a brand new book out, two versions, one in Dutch and one in English. (FREE RIDE) She has been signing books all over the UK, and has plans to eventually go to America, before or after Japan and who knows where else. Don't know if the book will be translated to more languages.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

dreaming of moral choices

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

so last night I dreamed I was walking down a wooded trail, when I came across a choice of paths. Somehow, I could sense that it was a moral choice - one path was full of darkness, the other light.

This happened twice in the dream, and I am pleased to report that in both cases, I took the path toward the light.

Make of that what you will.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I had the wildest dream last night

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Not the most descriptive title, I know, but I couldn't think of any other way to put it other than freakin' wild. I've never had a dream, or technically a set of dreams, stay on point to tell a continuous story like that in my life, and, bear in mind I have ADHD so I'm used to "weird" dreams that are unhinged. This one was actually somewhat down to earth which is what made it stand out. It almost felt like a past memory more than a dream, except for specific elements that I remember, that definitely point to it being a dream and not something more supernatural/paranormal.

Basically, I lived the life of a gay teenage girl, but with a heck of a plot twist at the end.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Heatwave!

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Yes i know some of you get higher temperatures but for this little island sitting above 50 degrees latitude, that's north of the major Canadian cities and all the USA except Alaska, doesn't often get temperatures into the 30's C.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

On Monday the 14th of July.

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

It will be an anniversary of my transition, 39 years ago - told you I was old. I'll be dragging myself up to the hospital for a diabetic eye test so won't be celebrating, not that the cats are very much partygoing types, they don't even drink milk prefering water from the toilet pan although I give them clean every morning. Since that day, I don't know how many posts I've made here, more than anyone else by quite a margin. I've been reading some of the back issues of Bike that Sephie posted and continued on.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I'm F*@&#D!

Submitted by on

Caution: 

Blog About: 

Author: 

So recently, I had two "new" to us servers deliverred to the datacenter. They weren't directly for the BigCloset Cluster but by moving things around and giving me room to do some maintenance, they will improve performance at BCTS.

The problem is, that our car (My 2005 Ford Escape) died at the end of last month, and a friend gave us a 2013 Sonata that had been sitting for a while. The Sonata needed 2300 in repairs that they helped us with and we are paying back, but on my way to the datacenter today it died.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

some updates

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

I wanted to pass on a few updates:

My brother is doing better thanks to the pacemaker, but is still having breathing issues that we don't know the cause of.

My ex is taking her near-death experience seriously, and has started to look for a cheaper place that Sam could have going forward, but she is showing signs of a deep paranoia that is quite worrisome.

As for me, I've been trying to do a deep dive into understanding my manic phase, but I still got a lot of work to do.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

One day vacation

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Heads Up!

Melanie and I are going to be staying in a motel tonight, and we may have to do it again in a few days or a week. I no longer feel safe trying to use our shower; we've got someone coming Friday to take a look at installing a more accessible bath.

So, I'm going to take a one-day vacation from the site. I'll have my laptop with me, but may not turn it on, who knows. Piper will be watching for problems, and we should all be fine.

Play nice.

Hugs,
Erin

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

An apology is in order

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Well, I owe everybody an apology.

Well, actually a couple of apologies.

The first is for inflicting on you all another chapter of Luck be a Lady, starring Fluke.

The second, for anybody who likes this stuff, for how short the chapter is.

The reason is due to a pun at the end of the chapter, which I am also apologizing for ...

Here is the link, just in case I haven't scared you off:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/107314/lucky-one-luck...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Strange thoughts in the middle of the night

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Okay, so something happened last night I have to talk about, even though I don't know if I have the right words.

I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and when I returned, I laid on my stomach, and for some reason, bent my knees so my feet were in the air.

And then, out of nowhere, this image came into my head of a beautiful woman, in the same position I was, also naked, and my perspective of this was like a camera passing over her, and I thought of a director including this shot in a movie because while she was nude, you don't see anything naughty from the camera angle.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

the irony is rich

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

When I first began my transition, I was told I could not get SRS because I was obese.

At 350 lbs, I didn't really have an argument against that.

Well, I weighed myself today, and I am now 285 lbs.

And it doesn't matter a whit, as I have several other health issues that mean I can't get SRS even if I could continue to lose weight until I am officially not obese.

I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or just appreciate the irony.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Bathroom code

Submitted by on

Taxonomy upgrade extras: 

Blog About: 

Author: 

Mostly, when I'm out and about, I try to avoid using the restroom. There's a Walmart neighborhood store in the area that I generally have cause to be out and about in. The restrooms there are rarely busy and only once or twice have had to interact with anyone there. If I find myself in need, it's my restroom of choice.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Arthritis

Submitted by on

Caution: 

Blog About: 

Author: 

Apparently the angry demonstrations are taking place all over America, and who knows where else? I am of two minds about it all and my PTSD is really rearing its head. Not getting much sleep. Arthritis or Fibromyalgia is really being painful.

The Federal Troops are setting off very loud flash bangs

I worry that my legally adopted daughter has or will be deported back to Korea. I have lost track of her.

For those who pray, please do?

Gwen Brown

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Be careful out there

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

As the world seems to spiral down into darkness, I am reminded of something Fred Rodgers said.

He said "look for the helpers"

Look for the EMTs, the nurses, the doctors, those volunteering in soup kitchens and donation depots. But also look for those doing small things like helping a neighbor clear their sidewalk or visiting a senior home. In times of cruelty, look for kindness, look for mercy.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

13 years later

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Hello everyone,

so I'm sitting in a Voice Chat on a Trans Discord and talk with some friends about my egg-sins. Of course the talk moves to my eggy TG fiction I wrote over a decade ago. I opened one of my stories here and realised how scarily self aware yet oblivious I used to be.

My freaking author avatar/self-insert did end up picking my chosen name... oops. I guess it still took more than 11 years for the egg to really crack, but hey better later than never.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Pages

Subscribe to Autobiographical