...Not Suicidal...
Just embarrassed???

Not feeling too well just now so got in a tub of hot water to soak away the joint pain. With all the ruckus over illegal drugs, I'm not about to try to find something illegal. I tried a light dose Tylenol (Paracetamol) but it did nothing. The hot water just made things worse, so I got out. I am too shy to go to the ED on the week end, and I have an appointment with my Doctor on Wednesday. I'd planned to use a Taxi Wednesday if the Bus seems too much.

but i'm here now!

I've been increasingly suffering the effects of what I had feared is ALS. Now the self diagnosis seems to be more appropriately 'Ataxia', which is not a disease but merely is the description of a group of symptoms from injuries suffered in a full life of many falls that often included head injuries. As usual Doctors have shown to be almost useless and secretive.

So fair warning, this may be hard to read. You've been warned.

So, Hey everyone. Last time I posted a blog I told you that Aimee and I and our lil ninja were homeless and working with an agency.

for the record, that agency is DYFS/DCP&P/CPS or whatever they are called these days.

They are still paying for our hotel and helping us try to find more permanent lodging, but that has been hindered by a few facts that I alluded to but didn't directly mention.

Out for a walk in a rare break in the rain, I was approached by a male that was approximately my age or older perhaps. We had a short conversation about the route of the new walking path we were on, him wanting to know if it went downtown. As it turned out, I knew it did and shared the information. He then departed, him continuing along the way that he had previously been going.

As I walked along, I began to muse about what it would have been like had he been attracted to me? I was not attracted to him but did not feel fearful either.

New story up. sorry, its not a New Year's story, but I hope people like and comment anyway.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/101183/lifes-little-i...

Yep, can't keep the weather out of things!

or not as the case may be!

So, about a week and a half ago, mom and I switched internet providers, and then after the technician had done the set-up, we realized he had forgotten to set up my mom's computer.

This led to me spending the better part of 2 days trying to get help to set things up by phone.

But today, I asked someone at a store belonging to the provider, and he showed me what I needed to do - there was a password on the bottom of the tower I needed to put in.

the forecast for this bit of the world is a bit 'Northern'!

So among my nightmares and flashbacks over the last couple of days, I had a dream where I was sitting with a woman, and for whatever reason my abuse came up, and I started crying.

But as I started crying I also began to apologise for losing it like that.

Now this was just a dream, but the fact is I usually apologise if I start crying, regardless of the cause of my tears.

I am not exactly sure why, it might be the "boys don't cry" thing, but something tells me its something deeper.

I might have to do a deep dive into my memories to find out, which scares me.

Well, bad news about the apartment search. we had to cancel the walkthrough because of a blizzard, and since then, despite me phoning the man who was supposed to lead us through the place several times, he has not let us know if we can reschedule.

I've come to the conclusion he got a renter for it, and isn't bothering to even tell us.

If that wasn't enough fun, the last two days I have been dealing with nasty memories, flashbacks, and nightmares related to the abuse I suffered as a kid.

Hugs and prayers appreciated.

My mom and I are looking for a new place to live, and today we're doing a walk-through of a place that looks quite promising.

Please send prayers, good wishes, or whatever you can, that if this is everything it appears to be, that we can get it.

As the title suggests, this is about what has been going on since I last posted anything or even interacted with anyone on here. I think my last blog was over a year old and my last story was like two years ago at least. I guess to paint a deeper picture on how I ended up where I am now I need to go back to when the Covid Pandemic started.

It's been years coming but lately I seem to subconsciously be on the prowl for a man to plow me. Would I do blow jobs? Come to think of it... Does that mean I was always a latent homosexual, or have the hormones finally done their job on me. My only worry now is that I do not wind up with some sort of sexually transmitted disease. Questions, questions.

So i'll start by sending you all the relevant greetings to mark the passing of another year!

So I spent today getting mugged by a dog.

His name is Rocky, and he belongs to my aunt.

He's the kind of dog who basically has the doggie equivalent to hyperactivity.

He mugged me, my mom, my other aunt who was with us, and then started over with me.

He's famous in his neighborhood, to the point a couple of kids came over to play with him.

Do I need to even need to say I had a lot of fun today?

Well, I'm back again because I just couldn't stay away. I've been taking writing more seriously lately and kept thinking back to this place. It's the only place I really ever felt comfortable or at home. Whenever I try to talk to other writers online it's like talking to a brick wall, but here it's always been different. I appreciate each and every one of you and I look forward to making some new friends as well as getting back in touch with some old ones.

Yep - a Christmas bonus!

just letting everybody know, I'm having to cancel my internet.

I'll check in when I can.

Stories about caring families make me cry, because I didn't have one.

I don't want to scare anybody, but I might just have a hope of being able to enter the new year's contest.

I have 400 words done, so I need to come up with another 2,100 words to qualify, so I might not make it.

But I figured I would warn you all anyway.