Well, once again, reality turned out to be less scary than anxiety had made it out to be.

I got the brakes fixed on my car today, after stressing over it for more than a week (my repair guy was on holiday).

And instead of the thousand-plus-dollar expense I was expecting, the actual price was $460.

It takes out the last of my reserve fund, but that's what that money was for, and now I can start slowly rebuilding it.

(Breathes a sigh of relief ….)

Its weird to have a revelation about yourself at 55.

But I did yesterday, as I finally realized I am super tactile.

I'm always stroking my blankets, or my stuffed toys, or just about anything I can reach.

Thing is, even now being able to acknowledge this, I still have no clue why I do this.

ah, well.

in case anybody isn't tired of me talking about my dreams, here is last night's:

I dreamed I was an assistant to a young man, who looked like an athlete. I was following him, taking notes on a notepad, and after entering a hotel room with 2 beautiful women on the bed, he announced he was going to take a bath.

Because he also wanted me to keep taking notes, he had me follow him, and in the swimming-pool sized tub were 3 more women who I ignored as I kept taking notes.

okay, its dream time again.

last night I dreamed I was working in a place that kind of reminded me of Black Mesa from the game Half Life. But unlike the game, we were not evacuating, but we were moving.

After helping a woman with some offices, I went to see if I could help anybody else, when one of the senior people there told me we had a spy somewhere in the facility, and asked me to do a search.

I'd like to take a moment and give a fellow author here a bit of a push.

I've been reading RobertaME's autobiographical work, "For God so loved the world", and while a lot of it is painful, it is ultimately a story of faith and survival.

If you're so inclined, she'd love feedback on the piece, which is found here:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/90781/god-so-loved-world

spent some time with my friend Cheryl Teddy Thomas, and it was wonderful.

Her little dog fell asleep on my chest, and I confessed that my mom's paranoia is draining me of spoons, something I've avoided confronting.

I needed both.

So today was a crappy day.

It started with me having a dream where I took pleasure in being cruel to someone, which has got me thinking I'm too dangerous and should commit myself.

then I went to the doctor, and got the results from the CT scan of my head, which showed nothing wrong. That would be good news, except it leaves why I'm having word drop and stuttering and memory issues a mystery.

Then mom and I picked up Sam at work and took her home, and Sharon asked for a ride to the post office.

So apparently Sharon has been portraying me in glowing terms to her family.

The funny thing is she told me they are mostly suspicious of guys, but her descriptions of me have caused them to approve of me sight unseen.

good news, I think

just posted something new, for whatever it's worth:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/90804/dots-harlequin-...

For anybody interested in seeing more of Portal Problems, I'm afraid I'm shelving it for now. After publishing the first chapter and seeing the responses, I took a look at the next few chapters, and realized the characters lacked . . . character. They do stuff, but the reader would learn nothing about them.

So unless I can fix that, the rest of the story will not be published.

Sorry for any inconvenience.

So I lost a friend yesterday.

To give you guys some context, a couple of years ago I joined a local writing group.

We would get together once a week and share pieces of our writing and provide feedback to each other.

We had to put things on hold during COVID, but the leader of the group and I kept in touch, and she was responsible for me getting my short story published.

Well, while we were talking on the phone, I apparently said something that hurt her feelings, and the next time we talked, I thought we had cleared the air and everything was okay again.

Just wanted to send out a big "thank you" to the people who took the time to give me some support during my last tussle with the black dog of depression.

You guys and gals rock.

well, I turned 55 today. going swimming, and my mom's taking me out for supper.

hugs to all

new bit of silliness is up!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/90430/ballad-ted-bandpat

I'm not sure why, but I'm feeling super dysphoric and pathetic.

hugs appreciated