dorothycolleen's blog

mom called 911 at 4 AM today

Blog About: 

Author: 

So my mom called 911 at 4 AM this morning. But it wasn't all bad, they checked her oxygen levels, her blood sugar levels, and any signs of infection, and all clear.

which just leaves brain issues, I guess.

So now we wait for a psychologist, and hope we can get through Christmas.

ah, well.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

FML

Blog About: 

Author: 

my mom is trying to arrange staying at my cousin Terry's place, who has decided to buy into my mom's paranoid delusions.

fml

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

my mom is starting to have issues in the daytime

Blog About: 

Author: 

my mom is starting to hear things during the day, as 3 times today she has thought she heard Mike go up into the crawl space and work on the wiring, as well as her now usual 4 AM panic session.

I'm just trying to hang in there for her ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

the 4 AM curse

Blog About: 

Author: 

When I was training to be a Nurse's Aide, one of the things I was taught was that people with dementia often struggle more at night, and during my time in the job, I confirmed this for myself.

But its one thing when its a stranger who you are being paid to look after, another when its your own mother.

Its been really hard to have my mom wake me at 4 AM almost every day believing that the house is on fire, or Mike is injured, or most often, that Carol is going to come downstairs and throw her out into the street.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

had a craptastic day

Author: 

So today was a craptastic day.

Mom started in on how Carol is spying on her and when I tried to reassure her she basically accused me of lying and conspiring to put her in an insane asylum.

then Mike came down tried to talk to her got frustrated and said if she didn't want to see the nurse who is coming on Tuesday or I wanted to eat myself to death he wasn't going to get involved anymore.

Both of these hit me just as I was already struggling with Mr. Nasty, so it made things worse.

I can only hope tomorrow is better.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

bad morning

Blog About: 

Author: 

okay this morning after mom's nightly waking me up thinking Carol has set a fire in her own bedroom to drive my mom out of the house, I laid on the couch and put on a episode of "Too cute" so I could relax and get back to sleep.

I slept for about 2 hours and woke up to discover I was having what felt like a seizure,

My body shook, stopped, and shook again as if I was getting electrocuted.

After about 5 minutes it stopped, and then after I slept for a while the seizures happened again.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

huggles needed

Blog About: 

Author: 

my mom's nightly struggle with paranoid delusions is killing my spoons. It's been weeks now since I got to sleep through the night without her waking me up saying her daughter in law has started fires in the electrical wiring or is watching mom through a camera hidden in the vent in her room.

which means I'm letting my self-care slip, and am scared what happens if I have a major PTSD attack or depressive episode.

hugs appreciated.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

not many writing spoons right now

Blog About: 

Author: 

I haven't had a lot of spoons for writing for a while, mostly due to not being able to get a full night's sleep with my mom having paranoid delusions every night.

But I still have hopes to have something by the first week of December.

so stay tuned ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

my mom's worst night yet

Blog About: 

Author: 

my mom had her worst episode yet this morning at 3 AM.

She was so convinced that Carol was coming downstairs to throw her out that she barricaded her bedroom door.

sighs, I'm starting to worry we wont last the month we're supposed to wait before she can get an official evaluation

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Trans woman will be a judge at the Olympics

Blog About: 

Author: 

There will be at least one openly trans official at the Tokyo games, a trans woman named Kimberly Daniels will be one of the judges of canoe slalom, while her daughter will be one of the first women competing in the sport.

What's really cool to me at least is that both are Canadians.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

update

Blog About: 

Author: 

I wanted to give everybody an update, because its been a busy time since I last blogged.

First, we have a therapist in our house. My brother and sister in law's cat Blanka somehow sensed I was having a tough time, and did something she doesn't normally do - jump into my bed and purr in my ear. That pushed Mr. Nasty away, and thank God.

Second, we were able to get my mom to see her doctor, and he's arranging an appointment with a specialist to help us figure out why she's having these episodes in the early morning.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

need help

Blog About: 

Author: 

I'm struggling with feeling worthless, almost to the point of feeling suicidal.

I honestly don't know if this is PTSD, depression or both, but hugs appreciated

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

feeling useless

Blog About: 

Author: 

so at 4 AM my mom had another episode, and I was not able to do anything to help her.

Then Mike and Carol managed to get her to make an appointment with her doctor while I was pretty much useless.

sighs ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

a sad discovery

Blog About: 

Author: 

In the aftermath of my blog here yesterday, I was talking with Drea, and came to a startling and sad realization.

That there has been a part of me that hoped the trans stuff was caused by my rapes. Because then if I got over the rapes, I'd get over the trans stuff too.

I was thrown by this, but thanks to people on the BC discord page, I worked through it.

So I guess Dorothy isn't going anywhere, and that's okay.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

an improvement in my dreams

Blog About: 

Author: 

Okay so last night I had another dream where I was at school (this time it was university, but still) and lost.

Except this time I ran across a really bubbly young woman, who seeing me looking confused took my arm, and when I told her were I wanted to go, she found us a rather round-about route.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

writing prompt

I was watching a video about the "Make a Wish" foundation, who give kids with serious health issues a chance to do something they always wanted to, and it occurred to me, this might make an interesting premise for a story here, like a trans kid uses their wish to spend a day as their true selves, or something.

Sadly, right now my writing spoons are missing, so I cant run with the idea, but maybe someone else would like a crack at it.

what do you think?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

stupid family drama

Blog About: 

Author: 

There has been a split in my extended family for most of my life, with many of my uncles and aunts refusing to having anything to do with my mom or my brother or I.

Now, two of those uncles are apparently having serious medical problems, and there's every chance I wont know anything unless they die.

Despite this, I'm finding myself wishing I could see them one last time.

Crazy, huh?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

more stress

Blog About: 

Author: 

so because we needed more stress, apparently, I got word that two of my uncles are dealing with serious medical issues, and thanks to family stupidity I don't even know what hospital they were taken to, or anything.

sighs, hugs and prayers appreciated.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

sorry to post again so soon

Blog About: 

Author: 

I'm sorry to post again so soon, but well, I've gotten some potentially bad news.

The doctor who did the scope on me apparently found some growths in my esophagus.

Biopsy negative for cancer, but their placement is a concern, apparently.

hugs and prayers appreciated.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I'm all mixed up and I want to cry

Blog About: 

Author: 

I had a dream last night that has me questioning me being trans.

In the dream I was at university and sharing a dorm room with a dude.

So when I woke up, I realized that even though I never looked at myself in the dream, I would have to had been a dude too.

Now I'm all mixed up and I want to cry.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

rough day with the ex

Blog About: 

Author: 

my mom accidently called me "Dorothy" in front of my ex, and she threw a fit saying she didn't know anybody named Dorothy, that my birth name was the name given me by God, and I came really close to stopping the car and telling her to walk to the grocery store.

Sighs, the things I do for love ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - dorothycolleen's blog