dorothycolleen's blog

a mixed day

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Okay, so today was a mixed day. First, the bad: I had a PTSD event while in a grocery store, and that brought me down from the high I was on.

So why had I been high? Because a city worker called me "sweetheart" when he asked me to move my car.

So that was a yay, at least.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

waking up shaking

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Okay, so It's just after 8 in the morning, and I'm shaking.

See, last night I had one of my "searching" dreams. I was on the campus of a university, and was totally lost. But then I found someone in authority, and let loose a stream of anger - anger at being expected to know things I'd never been told, being left to wander around without a guide or a map.

It was the level of anger I displayed that has left me shaking.

hugs appreciated;

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Doomed to be a Fan-Fiction author?

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

I've been re-reading my stuff, and realized some of my best work takes place in someone else's sandbox. My Mercy story, my Phoenix story, both (In my humble opinion) really good stories with genuine feels in them.

Now, I'm not sure what this means for me going forward. Can I take something from those stories, and put them into a unique setting, or am I doomed to only be able to do good work inside someone else's universe ?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

my daughter won an award

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

My daughter Samantha has won an award from the transitions group she has been part of for the last year. It is an award based not just on her academic success, but her attitude, her kindness, and her overall progress.

When you consider we were told when she was a baby that she might never progress beyond the toddler stage, I couldn't be prouder of her.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

dreaming of my stepfather

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

The causes for my C-PTSD can be separated into 2 groups. being repeatedly raped, and suffering both physical and emotionally abused by my stepfather.

Well, I dreamed about my stepfather last night. I was at a family gathering, and his name came up, and I started unleashing every bit of anger I had ever felt towards him. I woke feeling shaken, and depressed.

Hugs appreciated.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

formatting issues

Submitted by on

Author: 

I'm having some issues with the revised version of "The Saga of E-Girl". A paragraph will start out fine, and suddenly break and put the rest on the next line, even after I had backspaced it into the proper position. Suggestions?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I've given myself a project

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Well I've given myself a project.

I was making another story in my "Superiors" universe (Which I used to call the "E-Girl universe") and went looking at "The Saga of E-girl for some details, and realized that I'd changed a few things in the universe other than the name. Added to that is the fact that "The saga of E-girl" was the very first story I made here, and I'd like to think I'm a slightly better author now, and I think what I need to do is totally revamp it.

Wish me luck ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

my brother is home

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Well, my brother is safely home from the hospital, but its going to be a period of recovery time, and I'm going to have to be able to step up and do more around here. I just hope I'm up to it ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

dream time once more

Submitted by on

Author: 

Okay, its dream time again. Last night, I dreamed I was in a warehouse, trying to help put things where they needed to go. But for some reason, I was dressed like an Old Testament prophet, wearing a robe and carrying a staff.

The people working there would gently shoo me away from the area they were working in, so I went form area to area, looking for a way to assist.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

getting pummeled by dysphoria

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Right now I feel a little like the woman in the scene from the movie "airplane" who starts panicking, and then the whole plane lines up to slap her.

When it's not depression, or PTSD, it's my gender dysphoria taking it's turn at kicking me around, and that's where I am right now.

Ah, well. This too shall pass ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Revising an old story

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

I was fooling around last night, re-reading my old stuff, and I came across "I woke", my first attempt at a longer story. Reading it again, I realized I might be able to make it a little better. So the edited and complete version is up, and you'll have to tell me what you think.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/85183/i-woke-edited-a...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

got some lovely responses

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

I got a lovely response to my blog yesterday, including this on Discord: "Every ones hell is their own. The demons we carry are our own. We can not compare our horror to another's for they are each unique. It is not how your pain compares to others, or even that you have or how much pain you are in. It is how you weather it. Dot, you always weather the storms well. Yes, good and bad times. But these are the times that have made us who we are and you are indomitable in your charity, love and caring. Never forget that."

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I feel like I'm a horrible person

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

I feel like I'm a horrible person.

The stuff that is most upsetting to me, the gender dysphoria, the PTSD, they are so PETTY.

So insignificant compared to the suffering of others, especially right now.

Sighs ... I could use a hug or three ..

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

"I exist because you say I can,"

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

"I exist because you say I can"

That's a line from the latest chapter of "The interview", but it also describes the way I feel going out in public as a woman.

I'm extremely lucky here, for the most part people are too busy with their own lives to worry about the guy in a dress, but I am always aware that exceptions do exist.

I never forget I do not pass, that I exist as a woman because nobody cares enough to fight me on that.

That's puts me above what some trans people deal with, but the anxiety is always there, that's just the way it is.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

not a great way to start the day

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

I woke everybody in the house up at about 6 AM by screaming, thanks to a knee that decided to try and take a powder on me. Between that and a double gut-punch of PTSD and dysphoria last night, and today is not starting off well ..

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Dot the spy?

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

So last night I dreamed I was on a spaceship. It was designed a little like a sub, in that every so often there was a doorway with a door that could seal off an area if a breach occurred. I was looking for something, which has been a common theme of a lot of my dreams, by the difference in this dream was that it was clear I didn't belong, as I was always trying to keep out of the sight of the crew and passengers.

Well, since recently I've dreamed of being a movie star and a superhero, I guess I can add spy to my list of dream jobs ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I'm fraying at the edges

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Anybody who has gone through male puberty can tell you, it's stressful. It's stressful enough for a cis boy with no other major stressors, but it was worse in my case, as neither of those things was true for me.

The worst part was whenever I got aroused, and my male equipment did what it's supposed to do under those circumstances. Those moments were incredibly painful, both physically and psychologically, and I sometimes feel I barely survived them.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

why I love big closet.

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Why do I love Big closet? Because it's a friendly place. Not everywhere is. For example, here is a review of "coven encounter" on fictionmania: "you have finally managed to produce some thing more than a drabble." nice, huh?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

what I'm working on

Submitted by on

Blog About: 

Author: 

Its been a while since I've given an update on what stories I'm working on, so here goes:

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dot:set in Amethyst's Hyperverse, its the story of a young man with gender issues, who is turned into a girly girl.

Rose the Bunny:Is it weird that I'm writing a Christmas story in May? This one is thanks to Rosy Redd, so when it comes out, blame her. :P

The secret of Myth:Its possible everybody gave up on this story, cause I had nothing for a long time. But its not dead yet ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - dorothycolleen's blog