Try not to blame yourself Dot, people who have been abused have it hard and it's never just because of the abuse itself. Its hard to speak up about that kind of thing, no matter how old you are or whether the abuser is a parent, spouse, or someone else. You keep worrying about whether anyone will believe you and even if they do how it could effect the other members of your family or that you could lose everything if it comes to light. Some people take years to come out and admit what happens behind closed doors and some can never do it. It doesn't matter when you started talking about it, you did and that's the first step to recovery, for you and anyone else involved.

*big hugs*

Amethyst

that regulates memory, those of us affected by trauma cannot move on emotionally without help. We often remain, at least in that part, the same age emotionally as when we were violated. That's not a choice, That's how the brain forms new neural pathways to cope. So when we - When I for example - have a moment that evokes those memories, I DON'T respond as a 69 year old cognizant of my innocence, but rather as a 9 old manipulated by my abusers to feel it's all my fault. As much as I needed therapy for my present gender issues, my first need had to be addressed by a therapist versed in treating child hood trauma.

We receive three lies as survivors that we face frequently by the responses we get when we tell our stories. Causal remarks or even debate, but especially words which were conveyed in one manner or another by our abusers.

It NEVER happened
But even if did happen, it's NOT that bad
But even if it was that bad, it's all YOUR fault.

We need someone to reflect that back to us that those words are not true. We WERE hurt., it did,'t happen it was an act by someone else It DID HURT as bad as we said. And it NEVER was our fault. What the experts call a SHARED reality that vindicates us to ourselves and even to others.