The other day I was having a conference call with Jaci and Ruth, and Ruth talked about SRS, and told me the doctor has to stimulate you down there to be sure you have full function.
As soon as she said this I started crying, and it took both of them several minutes to calm me back down again, although I was shaky afterward for some time.
I recounted this event to Kylie a little while later and she asked me that considering that the very thought of being touched down there is enough to set my PTSD off, why would I want the surgery?
All I could tell her is that I need to be right.
And perhaps just as important, I need the male bits gone. I need them gone so badly that some days its hard to not take matters into my own hands, as it were.
Ah, well.
Comments
amnesia drugs
If you explain your fears to your doctor, when the time comes they can probably give you drugs that will keeep you from being too traumatized by not remembering much of the procedure.
PTSD
...while we can control how react, we often cannot control when we react to triggers. This does diminish with time, as your brain continues to recover from the trauma. You'll be in capable hands with people who know what do, and I'm confident that what you're experiencing isn't anything they haven't dealt with already. Of course, continued therapy and counseling will be of immeasurable help as you move forward. Remember that you're so much stronger than when you began this part of your journey and that you'll continue to grow stronger still, right? My prayers to you, sweetie!
Love, Andrea Lena