last night I had a dream with a difference. It wasn't the fact I was apparently taking classes at university and getting lost, it wasn't even the fact that when I went to the cafeteria I realized I didn't have my wallet.

It was the fact that said wallet was in my purse.

Which means that even though I was having a very bad day, I was at least attending as Dorothy, which to the best of my knowledge, has never happened to me in a dream before.

I don't know, that feels slightly hopeful to me.

last night, I discovered I had a really ugly looking rash on my belly. I'm gonna go get it checked out. I'll let you guys know what happens.

Okay, so today was a mixed day. First, the bad: I had a PTSD event while in a grocery store, and that brought me down from the high I was on.

So why had I been high? Because a city worker called me "sweetheart" when he asked me to move my car.

So that was a yay, at least.

Cause today is my birthday!

I've been re-reading my stuff, and realized some of my best work takes place in someone else's sandbox. My Mercy story, my Phoenix story, both (In my humble opinion) really good stories with genuine feels in them.

Now, I'm not sure what this means for me going forward. Can I take something from those stories, and put them into a unique setting, or am I doomed to only be able to do good work inside someone else's universe ?

The causes for my C-PTSD can be separated into 2 groups. being repeatedly raped, and suffering both physical and emotionally abused by my stepfather.

Well, I dreamed about my stepfather last night. I was at a family gathering, and his name came up, and I started unleashing every bit of anger I had ever felt towards him. I woke feeling shaken, and depressed.

Hugs appreciated.

If the prayers and singing at the beginning annoy you, you can fast forward to my amazing interview: https://www.facebook.com/shylo.rosborough/videos/42940947006...

My revision of "The Saga of E-Girl" is up: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/17639/superiors-saga-...

Well, my brother is safely home from the hospital, but its going to be a period of recovery time, and I'm going to have to be able to step up and do more around here. I just hope I'm up to it ...

Okay, its dream time again. Last night, I dreamed I was in a warehouse, trying to help put things where they needed to go. But for some reason, I was dressed like an Old Testament prophet, wearing a robe and carrying a staff.

The people working there would gently shoo me away from the area they were working in, so I went form area to area, looking for a way to assist.

I was fooling around last night, re-reading my old stuff, and I came across "I woke", my first attempt at a longer story. Reading it again, I realized I might be able to make it a little better. So the edited and complete version is up, and you'll have to tell me what you think.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/85183/i-woke-edited-a...

So I had my interview for Pride Month, and I think it went pretty good.

As soon as it is announced, I'll share a link where you can see it.

I feel like I'm a horrible person.

The stuff that is most upsetting to me, the gender dysphoria, the PTSD, they are so PETTY.

So insignificant compared to the suffering of others, especially right now.

Sighs ... I could use a hug or three ..

"I exist because you say I can"

That's a line from the latest chapter of "The interview", but it also describes the way I feel going out in public as a woman.

I'm extremely lucky here, for the most part people are too busy with their own lives to worry about the guy in a dress, but I am always aware that exceptions do exist.

I never forget I do not pass, that I exist as a woman because nobody cares enough to fight me on that.

That's puts me above what some trans people deal with, but the anxiety is always there, that's just the way it is.

I woke everybody in the house up at about 6 AM by screaming, thanks to a knee that decided to try and take a powder on me. Between that and a double gut-punch of PTSD and dysphoria last night, and today is not starting off well ..