my mom accidently called me "Dorothy" in front of my ex, and she threw a fit saying she didn't know anybody named Dorothy, that my birth name was the name given me by God, and I came really close to stopping the car and telling her to walk to the grocery store.

Sighs, the things I do for love ...

I feel like I'm failing my mom as she has started to struggle with what I think is dementia.

I mean, I'm a mess, barely holding it together for myself, how can I help her?

My mom had a serious and scary dementia moment this morning.

She woke me up at 4 am saying she heard Carol killing Mike.

Then she ran outside in her nightgown looking for an ambulance.

Dam scary stuff, honestly.

I am going for an endoscopy tomorrow, and I'm already struggling with anxiety.

Thanks to my PTSD, I have a gag reflex like nobody's business, and therefore the prospect of having a tube shoved down my throat doesn't exactly fill me with happiness.

hugs appreciated.

Just wanted to let people know, while I have a couple of stories that are close to done, I currently have no spoons for writing.

So it might be a while before they see the light of day.

Sorry.

My mom and I were talking about my bras, and in the process I realized how my breast growth has snuck up on me.

Which got me thinking about my transition in general - that success has snuck up on me, and I hardly noticed it.

Weird, huh?

I've finally got a new story up:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/87014/karaoke-night

so last night I had the closest thing to a nightmare I've had in a while.

I was at a hospital, taking a class, and as I was making my way to the exit, one of my tormenters from high school jumped on my back as I was going up a flight of stairs.

I somehow managed to not fall down the stairs, bit I lay there, seemingly unable to fight, screaming at the guy to get off me.

I'll be okay, just a bit shook up.

If you are a fan of transformation fiction, or just good science fiction, you've probably have at least heard of Jack L. Chalker. Well, I found a book by him that could have easily been written here.

It's called "The Identity Matrix", and its the story of Victor Gosner, a 35 year-old expert in political science who finds himself body swapped with a 13 year old native American girl, and then into the body of a blonde bombshell co-ed.

I found the characters charming, the situation engaging, and the book really hard to put down, so it gets a recommendation from me.

Okay so last night's dream was a bit different. I was in a school, and apparently part of the the cleaning crew. I confirmed with a teacher where I was to clean, and when she said I should know already, I told her I'd been away for a while and wanted to have the expectations I was to meet clear.

I went into the room, and started moping, and then someone joined me, and a after a moment of confusion, I figured out she was a trainee I was supposed to supervise. The dream ended with the room clean and me with a sense of accomplishment.

Make of that what you will.

ok so yesterday was a mixed bag. First, I finally got a project done that's been bugging me for a while - I cleaned out my closet's floor and sent the stuff I dont need to goodwill.

Unfortunately, I paid for that in the evening with what felt like a strained or pulled muscle in my stomach. Fortunately, a little lie down helped that, but then after I gone to sleep for the night I had yet another dream of confusion and frustration.

Well, guess what folks?

I have a new story up !

Check it out, let me know what you think!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/86618/adventures-over...

so, my car's windshield wiper fluid distributor seems to be on the fritz, and my check engine light is on. which means bye bye more of my emergency money..

I'm pretty sure whatever is wrong happened when I accidently went over a high sidewalk, so it's nobody's fault but mine.

Sighs, I'm seriously tired of being a fuck-up, and right now I'm struggling with feeling like everybody around me would be better off without me.

For some reason, one of my old stories popped into my head last night. It's called "Payback House" and its a pretty typical example of themes that run through a lot of my work, the theme of the struggle between justice, vengence, and mercy. Its here if you wanna read it: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/44335/payback-house

so one of the few things my brother and sister-in-law have asked me to do around here is trim the grass in the summer.

But about a month ago, while I was using the electric trimmer, our neighbor swore through his window at me for apparently waking him up. since then, I've been terrified of trimming the lawn, and found all kinds of excuses not to do it.

The lawn now looks like crap, but I feel worse. sighs ….