This probably won't be the last time Mr. Nasty gets into your head and clouds the distinction between fucking up (like everybody does) and your being a fuck-up; which by any standard short of some impossible perfectness you're not. Like most of us you're somewhere in that wide acceptable range between being an irredeemable fuck-up and a faultless paragon, sometimes closer to one end of the scale, sometimes to the other.

I know about being in that absurdly self-critical place and how any + all objectivity goes right out the window. Times when I've found myself muttering, "I'm STUPID; I should be shot at sunrise..." and as absurd as it sounds to me now I believed it. (And I don't blog about it because I don't WANT anyone to try to talk me out of that self-loathing space. I kind of envy your willingness to share where youre at...)

But when you can't trust your own self-evaluation skills look back at your blog yesterday and then at all the comments below it telling you that you're only human, are NOT a fuck up, are a valued member of this little virtual community here etc, etc, etc... These BCTS folks are pretty smart, and statistically speaking I doubt they can all be wrong or deluded or are just being insincerely nice.
~hugs, Veronica