okay, fair warning starting Saturday or Sunday I'm going to be looking after a friend's dog for a week. so I'll be online only sporadically.

I'll check in when I can

dream time again. I dreamed I was in a classroom and was getting frustrated because I couldnt make head or tails of the assignment I was given, It got so bad I started to wonder why I was in the class at all, when the class was sent out to a outdoor stage to watch a performance. I started to enjoy myself, but then I saw down the hill from the the stage a building was collapsing, soon gigantic pieces of marble and rock were flying up the hill at us. A large rock fell right in front of me, but I was able to push a little, and then climbed it.

I got asked if I was a boy or a girl at the pool today.

I responded that I was a funny looking girl.

That seemed to sasttify the questioner

I dont want to scare people, but if this stupid blog is gonna have any meaning it has to be honest. And honestly last night was one of the worst nights I've had in a long while. I'm actually surprised I didnt do any of the ideas that came into my head ...

It has been long enough since I wrote anything that I'm starting to wonder if this is the end for me. 10 years of publishing almost every month is a pretty high rate, so a slowdown isnt that bad, but this feels less like a slowdown and more like a complete stop.

ah well, I can still read and comment I guess ...

Sorry to have to relate that thanks to a combination of a lack of spoons and a case of writer's block it might be a while before I have something for you all.

So sorry.

Rough time at my writing group tonight. one of the ladies brought a piece that triggered one of the other ladies, and it ended up with them both crying. Before I left the leader thanked me for my involvement with thee group so there is that, I guess.

So I've been shaky ever since I shared "six forty five" with my writing group, which is why I've spent so much of my time looking at funny videos on youtube. I think I'm getting better, but honestly still feel like I'm having a picnic at a park surrounded by land mines ...

New story up ! https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/79874/sing-s-healing-...

Just a quick note to tell everybody my computer is down. I'll be back online when I can be.

To the people who care about me: I'm sorry. See, caring about someone is always risky. There is a chance you will get hurt by them. I'm not just talking about being disappointed, or betrayed, but hurt because the person you care about is hurting. So if you care about me, you've been hurt when I have hurt, and I'm sorry. And I'm afraid the hurting isnt over. See, I've been, so to speak writing checks my body cant cash for a long time, and it looks like nature is going to collect. And therefore I can see a lot of hurt in my future.

Just wanted to say that Andrea DiMaggio is my hero. She took time out of her own grief to send me notes of encouragement when I was having a tough day. You rock, my friend.

Okay, so for the last while, I've been sharing stories at a writing group every two weeks, and last night I shared part 2 of a story called "Six forty-five" (which you can find here: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/34885/six-forty-five ) and it went over well. So I came home to look at part 3, and ... I dont know. I'm seriously lacking confidence in it.

If anybody wants to look at it, and see if its better than my brain is telling me, that would cool ...

for the first time in a while, I had a nightmare last night. It wasnt related to my rapes, but I'm still having trouble getting myself grounded, and today I have stuff to do that I cant put off. hugs appreciated.

fire season has started again, and it doesn't look good. Today the smoke was so thick you could hardly see, much less breathe. And thousands have already had to evacuate small towns and reserves. nothing to do except pray, I guess ...