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There has been a split in my extended family for most of my life, with many of my uncles and aunts refusing to having anything to do with my mom or my brother or I.
Now, two of those uncles are apparently having serious medical problems, and there's every chance I wont know anything unless they die.
Despite this, I'm finding myself wishing I could see them one last time.
Crazy, huh?
Comments
Not crazy at all
Everybody for certain, but even more for those of us who were abuse and/or neglected, there can sometimes be what seems to be an inexplicable need for connections with people - especially family members - who refused to have anything to do with us or worse, But we don't long for the reality but rather the love we hoped for - the magical restoration of what never was.
The most difficult thing with which to grapple is that the decisions made by your relatives were unreasonable, but more importantly, were made by adults when you were a child. It's perfectly normal to want the childhood and family that should have been.
Love, Andrea Lena
Toxic People
The other day I had a rare business meeting with a company rep.
We met at an outdoor patio in nearly freezing temps. The restaurant did have gas heaters running.
During our meeting we discussed several people in our industry. I refused to work with several of them while she had to hold her nose and try to find a way to make things work. She works for a corporation and the decision who the corporation works with is above her pay grade.
Obnoxious, toxic people are given a pass by corporations when management refuses to go through the nonsense some people engage in when terminated. I don't have to give you an example of this as we're all living through it.
Families also forgive -- ignoring bad behavior. In my opinion, toxic people should be avoided whether they are family or business associates. We should be compassionate but resolute.
Your feelings suggest that you would rather get along with everyone. Jerks can sense that level of tolerance and will exploit it.
You're right to work for family harmony. Just don't allow the pursuit of that harmony work to your detriment.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I "vote" to visit them.
I think you'll forever regret not visiting.
'Sides. it sounds like relations between the two 'camps' in your family can't get much worse.
And, perhaps, your visits may cause some to re-think.
---
Hoping visits will work out better than you fear.
A good Ideal... But...!
Saying "Lets go visit My uncles" is good and all. Might even help heal the family.
But in More Stress, it is say that the specific hospital is withheld.
So unless Dot contact pretty much all the hospitals in her region and pass thru the confidentiality and all...
She'll not know where to go.!
Dorothy, sending you BIG Virtual Hugs, to your family too, even that branch.
Loving Hug tmf
Do Your Best.
My mother and I are the outcasts of the rest of our Family. I've lived the best life I can. They are the way they are.
look for a middle way
Perhaps you could send them cards care of someone who's address you know. They can ignore them or respond but you will know that you at least reached out. You can only control your side of this relationship so be content to do what you can and move on if necessary.