Posted, August 8, 2025

.

What do we do with the owl-hooters?
Some are killers, all are looters.
How do we deal with five freebooters,
Eerie, Arizona?

Turn them into gals with angel faces;
Put them in stays with whalebone braces;
Teach them to walk with lady's graces,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
Dance, my pretty; I do love thee
More than all the stars above me.
You stole my heart 'because you're lovely,
Eerie, Arizona!

How do you tame them? They're hog wild.
How'do'ya make ‘em sweet and mild?
They’re hot-tempered, always riled,
Eerie, Arizona!

Ride 'em like fillies till they're broken,
Stop their cussing, spitting, smoking;
Teach them how to be soft-spoken,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
Dance, my pretty gal, never cheat me;
My heart is yours, so don't mistreat me.
Don't use your wiles to defeat me,
Eerie, Arizona!

That smile of yours sets my heart singing.
It kills the pain of sorrow clinging
And makes me feel like bells are ringing,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
It's Shamus’ gals that we adore so;
Love their legs and love each torso
Bless the good times they bestow so,
Eerie, Arizona!

Maggie's the gal I find good-lookin'.
Love her laughter, love her cookin'.
She's got stays that need unhookin',
Eerie, Arizona!

Maggie's soul is warm and tender;
If she's troubled, I'll defend her.
She's never been where I can send her,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
Dance, my pretty gal, till you tire,
Cuddle up close next to the fire.
You light my flame; it can't climb higher,
Eerie, Arizona!

I'm for the gal that they call Jessie;
She finds trouble, makes things messy.
But I adore that hair so tressy,
Eerie, Arizona!

Jessie is Shamus' canary,
But she's sly and so contrary.
She’s no gal that I would marry,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
Love me hard and I'll be faithful,
Don't stamp your foot or say words hateful;
When you hug me, I’m elateful,
Eerie, Arizona!

Bridget knows the rules of Hoyle;
I've met no lass more fair or loyal.
For that girl I'd work and toil,
Eerie, Arizona!

At Shamus' place, where Bridget's dealer,
We sit so close that I can feel her.
Cuss the rival who would steal her,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
Hug me close and call me "dearest."
Speak your whims, even the merest;
Bare your heart; no one shall hear us,
Eerie Arizona!

Laura glows with strength and stature;
None but me could ever match her.
I'll chase that cat until I catch her,
Eerie, Arizona!

I'll spark Laura, but not force it;
We'll take vows if she'll endorse it.
When we wed, I'll doff her corset,
Erie, Arizona!

Chorus:
If you want young'uns I'm your suitor;
We'll have girls as cute as pewter,
Hardy boys a lot like you were,
Eerie, Arizona!

Jane, unlettered, simple, silly,
Looks like Laura, who's a dilly.
I love plowin' land that's hilly,
Eerie, Arizona.

Janie's touch makes me elated.
Chance matched us, but it was fated.
I crave her love; I can't be sated,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
Whisper kindly, fair-haired beauty;
Wink my way and don't be moody.
I bless that mouth so fresh and fruity,
Eerie, Arizona!

My gal Wilma, hot and purdy,
Thrills me like a hurdy-gurdy.
Her lips are quick but never wordy,
Eerie, Arizona!

Wilma likes clothes scant and naughty;
The games she plays are always bawdy.
With visitors, she’s never haughty,
Eerie, Arizona!

Chorus:
Shamus' girls are like no others,
Nuggets like those found at Sutter's.
Loving hard will make them mothers,
Eerie, Arizona!

The end
.
.

EXTRA FEATURE
 
The first draft of the poem above was written before some new potion girls made their debut in our stories. Here we are presenting a picture of each newcomer, with a brief description:

Elmer O'Hanlan was a schoolboy injured by a runaway wagon. His wounds would have been fatal except that Shamus O'Toole saved him by means of the magic potion. His mother called her new daughter Emma. Emma hated her fate, but as time went on, she started to feel her girlhood strongly. An excellent student, Emma graduated early and became a surveyor's helper.
 

Patrick O'Hanlan was Elmer's father. When the boy refused to take the magic potion, his father pretended to take the potion with him. This ruse led to disaster when the strong medicine started choking Pat, and he swallowed the dose. He took the form of a beautiful cigar-box card model who was photographed in a striking, man-hungry pose. Pat received not only her appearance but also the cigar girl's (presumed) promiscuous ways.

Arnaldo Diaz was a sad sack of a boy damaged by his father's early death. He was drifting toward a life of idle drunkenness when he drank from a bottle of Shamus's magic potion by mistake. He became the image of his favorite girl, the Virgin Mary. Arnoldo adopted the name Annie. By some strange chemistry, his attitude toward life improved in girlhood after meeting a handsome boy from a good family.

Forry Stafford was the spoiled son of a land baron of East Texas. In childhood, he became a bully who liked tormenting Will and Jesse Hanks. Forry made life hard for Will, especially. When a man in Eerie threatened the Staffords, Forry was sent West to deal with him. He ambushed the enemy, but was captured by the law. Forry and his accomplice were sentenced to take the magic potion. Forry became Flora, and Shamus had both rascals trained to be cancan girls.

Leland Saunders was a poor Texas white doing dirty jobs for the sinister Staffords. He joined Forry's ambush plot, but was arrested with him and sentenced to receive the magic potion. But because Leland had an erotic fixation on black girls, his female form manifested as black. Renamed "Lilah," she was trained to be a cancan dancer. Her fixation had been magically transformed into an attraction for black men. 

Myron Caldwell was an Eerie area farm boy traumatized by the sudden death of his parents. Embittered, he became a delinquent who ran away at 16 to join an outlaw gang. He led the gang back to rob the Eerie stage, but was shot. Bleeding, he made his way to his aunt's house. She took him to the doctor, who saw that nothing could save the boy's life except the magic potion. By its magic, Myron took the shape of the teenage cancan girl he knew in Yuma. Myron's aunt gave her new niece the name of Myra.