The moment that tractor beam hit our little ship we knew our fate was sealed. My moms and I had been abducted by the most feared beings in the galaxy, merciless creatures who saw us as nothing more than raw materials for their quest to turn everybody, everywhere into what they were. The drones ignored my screams as they replaced my left eye with a more efficient visual apparatus, then replaced other parts of me with tools suited to the tasks I had been assigned to perform. Wires snaked into my brain, and when my mind was linked to the collective I wasn't me anymore. I was no longer anyone.

But I'll say one thing for being turned into a Borg, it did eliminate my gender dysphoria for more than 5½ years. When you're nothing but a component with the designation 13-of-13 gender identity is irrelevant...

It's Christmas season, 1985. Jack Nemo has had no sleep for several nights in a row. It has been one weird interruption after another for this elderly homeless fellow. Terribly fatigued, he boards a city bus, simply hoping to catch a few z's out of the rain. But little does he realize that this bus---and existence as he knows it---are about to take a detour into a chaotic realm of unrelenting strangeness, presided over by a chthonic entity known as...
 

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“And for your third wish: ABRACADABRA! Congratulations, Madame Secretary!”

“MADAM?! You turned me into a woman!”

“A woman who runs the U.S. Department of Commerce; The job you wished for.”

It was getting near the end of our fifth counseling session and I still hadn't made any headway against his delusions. This was definitely one of my more difficult cases. Every time I thought we were finally getting somewhere he would dig in his heels and I'd run smack into the brick wall of his denial. I sighed, and started again, “Look, we all have feelings, a sense of who we are in the world. But simply feeling like you are something doesn't make you that...”

Janey had woken up with a problem. A HUGE problem! On Halloween Night she'd performed a magic spell that she hoped would turn her into a beautiful girl that the boy she was hopelessly infatuated with would want to date, and it had. But her transformation had come with a tragic deformity that dashed all her hopes of ever becoming Bobby's Girl! To make matters worse her parents didn't recognize her now + had refused to believe she was their daughter, and called the cops on her, and now Janey was in jail for tresspassing + possibly some far more serious charges. This was a disaster---a complete and utter cock-up!---and she just knew her life was over...

Or was it?

NOTE: IT'S MY PARTY + I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO is a direct sequel to my short 2009 Halloween story BOBBY'S GIRL, which you really need to read first, in order to avoid massive + possibly life threatening spoilers. Here is a link to BOBBY'S GIRL:
https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/15425/bobbys-girl

And Lo, the traveller came at last to the sky's edge. He put down his staff + poked his head thru the fabric of space, beholding the mighty clockwork of the cosmos, the great turning gears, the merry go round and the ferris wheel. He smelled the heavenly corndogs and heard the calliope music. And he said, "Hey wait for me you guys!"

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Our defeat at the hands of Middledale High's team was humiliating, the bus ride home was even worse.

Greg looked down at me, love + concern in his serious gray eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“For the 10th time, yes! Are you gonna keep asking me that for the next 3 days?”

“Probably. I feel like it'd be irresponsible of me not to. I mean-”

“I'm sure! Unless you're having doubts about wanting me underfoot all the time.”

“Never! I want this as much as you do. But I'm not the one being permanently modified here. Because once this GLOO! sets there's no going back.”

“And that's what's so exciting! The thought of being like this forever.”

“In a fantasy maybe. But part of my mind is saying we're both crazy for doing this!”

“Of course we're crazy! Nobody normal does a thing like this. But this is who I need to be if I'm ever gonna be happy. You read my stories, you know what I am!”

“Yes. You're my beautiful mermaid,” he said, cupping my ears in his hands + kissing me gently on the lips. And then not so gently...

The only thing TG about this short story is the part of me who wrote it, back around 1998. My Inner Child is a weird little goober...

MY BOOK REPORT -------- Linda Avery --- ROOM #25
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THE BIG TRIP UP is a book about a strange place called The Domain. And the story is sort of like that WHO KILLED ROGER RABBIT movie, because it is about characters who I don't think could ever be alive in a World that is REAL like this one, except these are puppets and not Toons, and also there aren't any regular human people in this book until the very end and then only one, and he is dead but then he is alive again...

A bizarre NON-TG comic novella (well I thought it was funny anyway) that I wrote in the 1990's and am just stoned enough to post. Crude raunchy language, sexual + fetish themes, probably not work safe. If I get one kudo and one comment i'll be amazed...

Tommy has very specific tastes in women. They have to be blonde. Blondes with enormous breasts. Blondes with huge breasts who are wearing rubber. And it has to be RED rubber. Needless to say his sex life is mostly a solo affair, confined to some rather specialized fantasies. But this morning his imagined scenarios are taking on a life of their own. Each starts out nice and smutty, until all at once his rubber-clad Goddess realizes her taxes are due today, and then suddenly she's driving them all over searching for 1021-J forms; or whatever. A series of weird side plots taking our hero farther + farther afield from anything the least bit erotic. It is all...

TOO MUCH OF A GOODYEAR THING  

A brain-damaged man residing in an assisted living facility has a battle of wits with the smartest man in the world...

The smartest man in the world was in Reno and I got to go see him. Because I was by the phone in the kitchen when HAPPY 101.2 had this contest, and because one of the staff people had the radio on, and the phone was unlocked; and so I called and answered their Skull Buster Question. They were giving people one week to figure it out, but it seemed to me like there was only one answer it could be, and I was right. But they got amazed when I called them so quick. Too bad the contest wasn't you got took to Hawaii or something but it was something at least, and the only thing I ever won that I know about.

What happens when a transgender boy grows up in a world where there ARE no males?
From girl to boy, from Amazon to American, from Themyscira to Gotham City...
Kip Trevor's life has been one incredible journey!

My week as a mermaid continues: My young human friend and I surfaced and sat on a rock, where we could talk without having to use her underwater message pad. I was hoping she might start making sense now, but Valerie's strange stories were growing progressively stranger: Reagan and Kennedy on Mount Rushmore... A transsexual woman giving birth... Peace in Iraq but a war in Antarctica...

I might have decided that she just had a wild imagination, except she also had all this impossible hardware---like the artificial gill she'd been breathing underwater with---which had me wondering if I'd somehow wandered into an alternate universe. Given the kind of week I'd been having this didn't seem like such a crazy notion, but these mysteries had a different explanation that I would eventually discover. It was just a matter of time...

Today my sister decided to take me landlubbing, which the mermaid equivalent of the human sport of snorkeling- a low tech way to see all the pretty sights of a world that isn't your own. Except that instead of gliding almost effortlessly along through the water, our version has the tortoise-like pace of crawling + squirming over the ground + through the brush, and in some places you're basically rock climbing without feet. It isn't easy. But the little island Anemone had brought me to was so breathtakingly gorgeous it made it all worth it. It had everything you'd hope to find on a tropical isle- from coconut palms to waterfalls. And being uninhabited we could explore it all without running into any humans...

Or so we thought. Until that big white boat pulled into our perfect island's perfect bay, and things got super intense as our pleasant outing turned into a desperate game of hide and seek.

Our pleasant dinner had degenerated into a loud fight between my mermaid sister & our mom; Anee yelling, “How can you keep harping about how awful land people are if you never even met one?!”

Mom stated flatly: “I know all I need to about them.”

“You think you do, but Daddy liked humans. And he had experiences with them, not just a bunch of ignorant bigotry!”

“I've had dealings with humans before.”

“When? When was this?! I've heard all your stories and you never mentioned-”

“I prefer not to discuss it.”

"Now there's a surprise! 'Ewww, it's unpleasant! Let's not discuss it!'" mocked Anemone. She kept goading Mom, relentlessly, stopping just short of calling her a goddamn liar: “No Mom, I wanna hear this! Tell us! Tell us about your encounter with the horrible evil hewwww-mons-”

“I FELL IN LOVE WITH ONE!” roared the Queen, slamming her fists down on the table.

She froze there, stunned; like she'd just blurted out a secret she'd intended to take to the grave with her. Then she sighed, composed herself + told us her story...

“Good. You're awake,” said a girl's voice.

“Huh? Whah?” I burbled groggily at the pretty fish-girl I saw hovering in front of me. She looked about sixteen and was about the cutest girl I'd ever seen. Definitely the cutest mermaid.

I was in a beach chair in the seashell castle's courtyard. My legs felt weird and fat and there was something sitting on my chest. She said, “Please don't panic, but in order to save your life we had to-”

Of course when she said don't panic like that it's exactly what I did do, but only for a second. I looked down and saw what was on my chest. It was my chest. Beneath these two rather impressive breasts my waist narrowed and then flared out into girlish hips that were covered in beautiful jade green scales, which continued down the long sleek shiny tail I now had for legs. I wagged it back + forth experimentally. And this stuff floating around my face wasn't some kind of seaweed but my hair, super long and shimmering like gold.

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God,” was all I could say. “Oh my God! My God! My God!”

This summer vacation was turning out to be the strangest week of my life. Or maybe of anyone's...