O.Z. and Jade wake up to find everything in their apartment wrecked, and they're not feeling too great either. When they somehow get saddled with the task of babysitting an evil child our two "retired circus aerialists" are outed as the runaway children they in fact are. So they abandon their new home and hastily depart for Florida. At the airport things rapidly begin to go south, and there's a whole lot of yelling and running around and mistaken identities and cops and FBI agents and more yelling and running around as our story rushes toward its insane conclusion.

Thanx & mega-huggles to Andrea DiMaggio for finding this, my "lost" novella...

Two kids find a satchel of money and decide to run away from home, which leads to a series of adventures, each more frantic and impossible than the last. While this isn't transgender fiction, with the disguises they adopt to avoid being busted as runaways it's tran-something, a strange odyssey that takes them a long way from the lives they knew, as they somehow manage to pass themselves off as a pair of tiny elderly adults, a married couple who had once been famous all across Europe under the name...

All at once the whole atmosphere in the restaurant changed, becoming dead silent and extremely tense. Every eye was focused on the tall figure who stood waiting to be seated. After being pointedly ignored for a full three minutes he asked, "Excuse me?"

Forced to acknowledge him, Edna fixed him with a cold level stare. "I don't think this is the restaurant for you. It might be in your best interest if you just got on down the road."

"But I have currency. Many dollars. Or if it is preferred, Element 79-”

“You see that sign there? 'THE MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE'. Now beat it!"

The stranger's expression grew more and more horrified as his highly attuned senses repeatedly bumped up against an impenetrable wall of ill will. He didn't even get as far as reading Jenny Lee’s energies before he had to turn and flee from the diner in tears...

PART 2 ~ THE REGAL DINER
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Melanie Ezell's Big Closet Ultimate Writer's Challenge (Week 10: Heaven's Gift)
After decades of struggle the occupation was over. The invaders from the neighboring star system had packed up and gone home, and all of Bajor was celebrating their hard won freedom. Although to 15 year old Rothko Jor it just seemed as if one type of hegemony had been replaced with another, and that some Bajorans would never be free. But he hadn't taken into account the will of his planet's gods, or the intercession in his life of a mysterious sacred object known as the Orb of Change...

TOUCHED BY THE PROPHETS
Laika Pupkino ~ 2011

STAR TREK, DEEP SPACE 9 and PARAMOUNT STUDIOS
are all copyright 2011 by Laika Pupkino...

There were worse things that could happen to you on Christmas Eve than to be sitting locked in a tiny closet. And when the sicko who had abducted him got back from his trip to the liquor store little Mikey Ellsworth was going to find out what those things were. Alone in the dark he prayed that he might be rescued somehow, calling out to God, to Jesus, his guardian angel, to anyone out there who might hear and help him. Knowing that only a miracle could save him now...
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The Silence of the Night
by Laika Pupkino
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TRIGGER WARNING: ALTHOUGH THIS NIGHTMARE TALE EVENTUALLY PROVES TO HAVE A POINT TO IT BEYOND SOME DUBIOUS NOTION OF ENTERTAINMENT, AND ALTHOUGH PHYSICAL RAPE IS NEVER PORTRAYED IN ANY DETAIL; THE LONG SEQUENCE IN WHICH MIKEY/MICHELLE IS LURED INTO A PERVERT’S CAR AND IS ABDUCTED, THREATENED, MOCKED AND TERRORIZED MIGHT HIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME FOR SOME READERS. IF YOU'RE CONCERNED OVER HOW YOU'D REACT TO READING ABOUT SUCH THINGS IT'S PROBABLY BEST TO SKIP THIS ONE.

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The sound of whispered conversation nudged me toward consciousness. I opened one eye.

Down at the foot of my bed stood a boy and girl out of a family situation comedy from some long gone era.

I opened my other eye.

James T. Kirk, a promising young Starfleet cadet, wanders into a shop called SPELLS R US with unexpected-

Well no, not exactly unexpected. For anyone familiar with the SRU story universe the results are just about what you'd expect.

O BROTHER WHAT ART THOU?
A young woman tries to cope with her little brother's weird obsession.
A brief, mostly autobiographical excercise in nostalgia...
by Laika Pupkino

Since tenth grade Jane had dreamed an impossible dream. Bobby Dukakis was the hearthrob of her high school, and though she loved him madly she knew there wasn't a chance in hell that he would ever be interested in anyone as plain & uninteresting as her. But now on Halloween night of her senior year, in the light of a full moon and with the help of a strange book she'd found at a garage sale, she would recite the spell that would turn her from a dumpy little nobody into...

BOBBY'S GIRL
Laika Pupkino ~ 2009

I sat on the park bench crying my eyes out, stunned by the unreal encounter I'd had with my hospitalized father. In just one day he had gotten so much worse...

A dozen or so ducks had wandered up from the pond to come check me out. Quacking, shaking their little tails, unafraid, so darn cute. Now the ducks were making me cry.

"Sorry babies, I got nothin' for you!" I sniffed as I rummaged through my purse, hoping that somehow a bag of Duck Chow I hadn't realized I was carrying might appear in there.

Suddenly a flock of Canada geese---thinking my little friends were on to a handout---ran in and chased them all away.

"Oh," I gasped, "OH!"

And now the geese were in front of me instead, acting like I was supposed to recognize them as the more rightful recipients of whatever treats I had. I knew their type. Thugs. Schoolyard bullies. The alpha male reared his head, scornfully staring me down...

"Oh yeah?" I jeered, "I wouldn't give you nothin' even if I had it, you stupid goose. Damn right I'm talkin' to you! We're the only ones here, who else would I be talking to? Think your so bad don'tcha? Beating up on a these poor little ducks. Why don't you try picking on somebody your own size. Come on tough guy, right now! You and me!"

When from out of nowhere came a woman's voice: "Joy?"

PLAY . . NICE!
LAIKA PUPKINO ~ 2009
PART TEN: MOTHERSHIP DOWN

My gravely ill father had put his foot down (Part 7), telling my grandma that if she and Uncle Grisha insisted on bringing his degenerate daughter along then he didn't need them visiting him either. Grandma had called his bluff, letting him sit out Wednesday (Part 8) without a single visitor, and I spent that whole day happily playing with- I mean by myself at home. Doing a couple of cleaning projects I'd been meaning to get to, then watching the Mets game (9-2, we slaughtered 'em!), and then an old Meg Ryan romantic comedy with a pretty heartwarming ending. A peaceful, productive day ....... But all good things must come to an end, and come Thursday it was time to venture back into that hospital room again.

Where to my utter astonishment Papa was pleasant to me from the moment I arrived. Talking to me and everything! Wow, Grandma's little boycott must've really done the trick! But all was not as it seemed...

PLAY . . NICE!
LAIKA PUPKINO ~ 2009
PART NINE: BAD BRAINS

Old Mrs. Pirelli was yelling at me from her backyard, "Joy! Come down from there! Yer gonna break ya neck!"

"Only if I fall. How you doing Mrs. P.?"

"What?!" she hollared, squinting into the harsh sun, "What're ya doin' up on the roof?"

"Cleaning out the rain gutters."

"That's a man's job! Let yer bruthah do that!" she cried.

This was the woman whose Nativity scene had been blown up by my sister and her idiot headbanger friends. She hadn't spoken to Joy since. Now not only was she speaking to me, she seemed inordinantly concerned for my safety. She warbled hysterically, "No Joy, leave that for Teddy to do! You've gonna get hurt!"

"Hey, I can do any job he can! Haven't you heard?" Maybe the sun had gotten to my brain, or maybe I was just irritated at this old busy-body telling me what a girl could and couldn't do, but suddenly I was performing a jerky go-go dance and singing loudly, "The sisterrrrs are doin' it for themselves! Standin' on our own two feet, and ringin' our own bells!"

"For God's sake, STOP THAT!" she shrieked, alarmed at my dancing so close to the roof's edge. That crazy Joy Farranino was being crazy again...

PLAY . . NICE!
LAIKA PUPKINO ~ 2009
PART EIGHT: BALLET MECHANIQUE

I knew that living back at home for a few weeks would be kind of strange, but shortly after my arrival it got stranger than I'd ever thought possible. As it turned out my grandmother was a genuine witch who---tired of our constant bickering---put a transcorporation spell on my sister Joy and me, body-swapping us...

On Saturday my gravely ill father cursed me as a godless murderess and banished me from his life forever. Then Joy (who we were now calling Joey...) thought it would be funny to try and sabotage my relationship with my life partner Ricky, which led to the frantic punch-out between us that cause the death of Grandma Rosa's sinister antique cookie jar & drove her to go stay elsewhere.

By Sunday morning the situation had completely fallen apart, and we still had 26 days to go until we'd be returned to our own bodies. Would my brother and I murder each other before then? Or would we somehow learn to...

PLAY . . NICE!
LAIKA PUPKINO ~ 2009
PART SIX: DAMAGE CONTROL

As they made their way toward the food court's exit Tina pointed to an empty table and suggested they stick around and watch the floor show...

"It is pretty wild," agreed Kendra as she took in the spectacle of all the other patrons who had undergone transformations. A giraffe boy and an elephant girl seemed very much in love as they shared an ice cream sundae, oblivious to the hard stares of the normals. A party of piratine changelings were banging their heavy hooks on their table + singing pornographic sea chanties, and a bevy of TGD-girls had pushed a bunch of tables together to form a catwalk for a spontaneous fashion show, while overhead the nebulous form of an omnipotal fancier floated around creating miniature solar systems...

Tina shook her head, "That's not the floor show. I meant the one starring your two buddies over there."

"They're not my buddies," frowned Kendra, still recoiling from all the vicious things her former best friends had said to her, "Not anymore..."

"You'll enjoy this then. I guarantee they won't be calling anyone a freak after today!"

"What do you mean?" asked Kendra. The wicked vulpine grin on Tina's face was making her nervous.

"Just keep watching. You'll see..."

I LOVE LUCIDITY
by Laika Pupkino
PART TWO: IN DREAMS BEGIN RESPONSIBILITIES

Somewhere in Heaven (probably downtown, where all the freeways come together in a great gleaming golden bow of an interchange...) is an office building the size of Mount Everest, in which angels with massive ledger books and quill pens keep the balance of our sins. When we do or think something bad it is noted in our account summary, and when we go to confession the priest gives us the bill for whatever we declare, and as we do penance our balance is brought back to zero. The Church is nothing if not well-organized.

I knew that the key to ever being able to behold this magnificent skyscraper or any of the other marvels, monuments, rides & attractions that Heaven has to offer was in making sure you didn’t die when you were in the red. But certain thoughts and deeds of mine seemed too strange & terrible to ever admit to, so I confessed to invented sins that I hoped would be bad enough to stand in for those shameful wanting-to-be-a-girl ones. It was a pretty nifty system I had worked out. Until that Sunday when I was twelve, when my whole clever scheme came crashing down around me!

OUR LADY OF SORROWS
== A JACKIE KAISER STORY ==
(Six months before the events of The Abattoir)
by Laika Pupkino

It was about a week before my 13th birthday. Having come home from work unexpectedly, the Ogre---who was what passed for a masculine role model in my life---had decided to take one final stab at "making a man out of me" before writing me off forever as a hopeless little bitch...

"What the hell you cryin' for? You're a boy, nothing's gonna change that! What's that you're coverin' with your hand, huh? You think putting on a damn dress changes anything? Do you? Answer me, goddamn it!"

I stood there shivering, feeling horribly vulnerable. By now I didn't know what I was or what could change what. I was sobbing, trying to nod my head yes and shake it no at the same time.

"For God's sake Sam, that's enough! Let him get dressed."

"No, I want him to say it first! What are you?"

"I'm a boy," I blubbered.

"That's a start. Now put some damn trousers on and come with me."

In a drizzle of slushy snow I was marched across the yard to the shed, where I was forced to take part in a grotesque and humiliating ritual of destruction. This was the heart of darkness...

The Abattoir
(a Jackie Kaiser story)
by Laika Pupkino

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My sister and I had been living in each other's bodies for about 19 hours. Our grandmother had done this to us, hoping we might learn to empathize with each other and put an end to our lifelong feuding. The body swap had been a strange experience, and downright horrible at times, but in my case at least it seemed as if the old witch's lesson was starting to work. I began to see why my sister was the way he was, and to regret our not being closer. Until for no apparent reason he tried to sabotage the best thing in my life...

PLAY . . NICE!
LAIKA PUPKINO ~ 2008
PART FIVE: OPENING SALVOS

Veronica Nelson, a transsexual, was in her third month of her Real Life Test. She was struggling financially, cut off from her family, and someone was leaving disgusting surprises in her jeep. She hadn't expected transitioning to be free of difficulties, but this was the absolute pits. The weird hassles kept mounting until she felt like she was ready to snap!

Then one night she had a chance encounter that would help put all her troubles in perspective...

VERONICA AND VERONICA
by Laika Pupkino

PLAY . . NICE!
LAIKA PUPKINO ~ 2008
PART THREE: VISITING HOURS

My father was in the hospital with- well they weren't sure what he had. Grandma, Joy and I all hopped in my truck to go visit him. Under ordinary circumstances I would be driving, but our circumstances were far from ordinary. I had been magically "transcorporated" into the 5'4" body of my sister, a less than upstanding citizen whose driver's license had been revoked. Joy now towered over me in my body; and while he was in physical possession of my license, this truck would have to be fitted with snow tires before he could drive it. On that cold day in Hell...