He found it difficult to settle back into work upon his return.

Even once his member returned to normal, there was a bewildering array of processes that he couldn't stop being aware of. The expansion and contraction of his chest, once an imitated habit meant to put humans at ease and now a biological necessity. Blinking, as apparently one's eyes were another body part that needed to remain moist. To say nothing of his first experience of defecation, which had been unpleasant.

When he had at last managed to focus on something, he was only able to maintain that focus for an hour or so before pain in his neck and shoulders pulled it away again. Tano had previously observed that humanoids seemed to dislike remaining stationary, so he sat up to roll his shoulders, causing an alarmingly loud noise. The noise was accompanied by the bizarre feeling of something... no, several somethings popping in succession inside his neck.

Tano had a furious debate with himself before calling in Ennrian to awkwardly describe what had happened and ask if he needed to be concerned.

To his profound relief, Ennrian did not smile. "Yes, I can imagine that would be alarming. Joints popping is one of those things so normal that you sort of forget that it happens. Something to do with gas bubbles forming in the fluid around the joints, I believe?"

"Ah. I see." Tano smiled slightly. "Thank you for not laughing at my foolish question, Captain. Remind me to give you a raise."

Ennrian laughed. "The Duke handles our pay, sir," she reminded him. "But the sentiment is appreciated."

Whatever Tano would have said next was interrupted by a loud noise from his midsection. "I had lunch," he complained.

"And now it's nearly dinner," Ennrian replied calmly.

Tano started as he realized she was right, discomfited to see how much time he'd wasted fretting about unfamiliar bodily functions.

"You should go home, sir," Ennrian said firmly. "I can handle things here, and Doctor Banu said we weren't to let you overwork yourself." Her expression darkened when Tano opened his mouth to argue. "You can't get used to ignoring your body's signals, sir. It won't do anyone any good."

Tano gave her an irritated look. "Fine."

He trudged tiredly back to the rooming house, where he shocked the landlady by putting together a plate of food and taking it upstairs. After unlocking his door, he stood in the doorway, staring at the mostly bare, undecorated room, which suddenly seemed as if it belonged to a stranger. Just inside the door was a small table and two shabby padded chairs. Against the far wall was the small, narrow bed. The tiny closet, which had previously been empty, somehow seemed more empty with only a few spare uniforms hanging in it.

The chest of drawers, too, was mostly empty, except for some personal papers. Yet another thing he'd have to rectify soon. He'd need more pairs of smallclothes than the three pairs Doctor Banu had given him. The common-issue Watch boots seemed fine, but he'd need socks. A shaving kit if he wanted to remain clean-shaven. (Not that Tano knew how to shave.)

...all of which was too much to face right now.

Tano sat at his table and choked down his dinner - roast pork and potatoes with stewed vegetables - because he had to. As he ate, the terrible grief he hadn't given himself space to feel clawed its way into his chest.

He'd never change again.

When he was finished eating, he stumbled to the bed and had another first. He wept.

* * *

That night, Tano dreamed.

He was standing in the Duke's study with Doctor Banu and Eldreth. His member was fully hard, and Eldreth was rubbing his erection with the flat of her palm while the three of them made incongruous small talk.

When Tano struggled to answer a question about the weather, Banu frowned at him disapprovingly. "You didn't do that reading, did you?"

"I did," Tano protested.

"Then why aren't you initiating sexual intercourse?" Banu snorted impatiently. "You obviously want to, and she's clearly willing."

"It's not proper," was the only argument Tano could muster. "We're in the Duke's study."

Eldreth smiled and increased the pressure of her hand. "I'm sure he won't mind."

* * *

Tano woke with a start to find that he was humping the bunched-up blanket, and that his smallclothes were damp with pre-seminal fluid. Disgusted with himself, he got up, grabbed a wrap, and went to the baths. No one else was using them this early, which was just as well. It was difficult to get himself clean without aggravating his state of sexual excitement, and Tano cursed in rather blistering language about it as he refused to give in to the instinct to gratify himself.

He was just going to have to learn to master these impulses. There was nothing else for it.

Back in his room, he put on the loosest pair of smallclothes that the doctor had given him, hoping that the more relaxed fit would help to avoid unnecessary arousal. He was halfway to Watch headquarters by the time he learned he'd made a critical mistake. His penis and testicles were... dangling. The Doctor had said some people preferred this fit, but why would anyone prefer this?

Tano's treacherous feet took advantage of his distraction, delivering him to Eldreth's instead of his office as he'd intended. Eldreth beamed at him from behind the counter as he walked in. "Tano! What a surprise to see you!"

Telling himself that he was committed now, Tano steeled himself and walked up to the counter. "I... didn't have time for breakfast." He looked up at the menu board behind the counter and blanched at the bewildering array of options. "I'd appreciate some advice on what I should get."

Eldreth happily made some choices for him. Once Tano had paid, she surprised him by joining him at a small table outside, where she kindly told him about what he was having - herbal tea and a scone with jam and butter. Eating was less overwhelming than it had been the previous day, enough that Tano was able to venture opinions about what he was eating, which he was fairly certain was the polite thing to do. Eldreth certainly seemed to enjoy his opinions, if the way she was smiling at him was any indication.

He was nearly finished with his breakfast when Eldreth laughed at something he'd said, leaned forward, and--

--the collar of her dress was definitely much lower than it had been yesterday.

Tano was fully hard in an instant. Cheeks flaming, he stood, tugging down his jacket in the hopes that it would hide the reaction he couldn't control. "Thank you for the meal, and your company," he choked out. "I'm afraid I must get back to my duties. Please excuse me."

He hurried off before she could say anything, completely and utterly mortified, and stomped into the station without making eye contact with anyone. Once he had reached the safety of his office, he closed his door and collapsed into his chair, where he dropped his head in his hands and indulged in a small crisis.

Eldreth was a person. An undeniably lovely, very charming person, who deserved to be seen as more than a collection of sexually titillating body parts. So he most definitely was not going to think about her breasts, or imagine what they looked like naked, and he especially wasn't going to wonder if they were as soft as they looked.

Tano knew that grabbing breasts was a regular part of the sexual act. In the encounters he'd broken up, the grabbees generally seemed to enjoy it when it was something they'd consented to, but he'd never understood what the grabber got out of it. Until now. Because he was hard, so fucking hard that the pulse throbbing in his member hurt, just from thinking about Eldreth's breasts.

What would it feel like to have his erect penis between her breasts?

Tano surprised himself by making a noise - a completely undignified half-whimper, half-moan.

This was madness.

His chest grew tight, and his heart started hammering in his chest. Tano found himself gasping for air like a fish, and for a moment, he considered sending for Doctor Banu before common sense asserted itself. He'd talked enough people through anxiety attacks to be able to recognize one. Tano struggled to follow the advice he always gave, taking long, slow, and even breaths, determined to persevere without any assistance. Finally, after the longest, most miserable hour of his life, his arousal faded, taking his anxiety with it.

* * *

Tano berated himself for his cowardice as he hid in the office for the entire day, unable to face Eldreth. He only left after Eldreth's was closed, heading with some reluctance to The Drunken Lord. That oily toad, Karchak, needed to know he was being watched.

He took his usual seat on the second level, which was the one table with an unobstructed view of the entire tavern. Instead of one of the usual servers, however, it was Karchak who came up to take his order.

"How's Eldreth?" Karchak asked innocently, tossing his long mahogany braid in a fair imitation of the cafe owner. "You looked like you enjoyed your breakfast together."

Tano glared. "She makes me uncomfortable," he surprised himself by grumbling. "In fact, she specifically wore a garment meant to make me uncomfortable. Why would she do that?"

Karchak's answering grin had an unpleasant edge. "Because you liked it."

Honesty prevented Tano from saying that he hadn't. He had in fact liked Eldreth's dress so much that he'd spent an hour hyperventilating in his office about how much he'd liked it. "I'll take the stew," he said, fishing out a silver and leaving it on the table. "The tip is for the server, not you."

Karchak sneered, pocketed the coin, and stalked off.

* * *

The following morning, Tano trudged up to the palace to talk to Doctor Banu, who wasn't particularly helpful - Banu seemed to feel that Tano should "allow" himself to "explore" these deplorable new urges.

He took the long way back to the station to avoid walking past Eldreth's.

That evening at The Drunken Lord, Tano was surprised to see Eldreth come in with several friends. Their party was shown to a table on the first floor that was almost directly under his. When Eldreth took her seat he realized that he had the perfect line of sight to look down the front of her dress. He had been guiltily staring for several seconds when, for some reason, she looked up and saw him.

Eldreth smiled and waved.

Tano blushed and waved back, hoping he hadn't been too obvious about looking at her breasts.

He had been, apparently. While her friends were busy quizzing the server about their options, she held eye contact with him and started sucking obscenely on her index finger.

Tano couldn't breathe. He couldn't fucking breathe.

His face was on fire and his member felt like it was about to explode as he staggered to the washroom, sat on the floor in the corner of the far stall, and had a full-blown panic attack.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Was this what living as a humanoid was like all the time? All of these automatic reactions to things, and the lumps of meat in their skulls making everything go haywire over nothing at all? How was he supposed to do anything but exist entirely at the mercy of these biological urges?

How could he live like this?

He was still crying and wheezing when Karchak opened the door of the stall he was hiding in. "What are you doing?" Tano blustered, pulling his knees up to hide his shame.

It was humiliating having Karchak, whom Tano usually towered over, look down at him with such naked pity. "Look at you. You're a mess."

Tano couldn't argue with that.

Karchak grunted as he clearly came to a decision of some sort. "Well. Looks like it's up to me to get you straightened out."

The ludicrousness of that statement provoked a bark of laughter from Tano. "Why in the seven hells would you help me?"

Karchak's lip curled. "Because it's not fun beating you if you can't catch me."

"I always catch you," Tano shot back.

"Right now you couldn't catch a cold."

Dammit. He was right. Tano sniffled and angrily wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "What's it going to cost me?"

"Your suffering is more than payment enough."

Karchak... wasn't lying. Wasn't even trying to lie. "Fine," Tano finally spat. Whatever Karchak was going to do couldn't possibly be any worse than how he felt right now.

"Fine," Karchak echoed. He jerked his head toward the exit. "Go to the store room. I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

Tano knew the way - he'd hidden there plenty of times. He made it there without anyone seeing him, then paced as he tortured himself by thinking about the look on Eldreth's face as she'd mimed sucking his member. How she'd made it very clear that she liked him looking at her breasts, and she wanted him to do more than just look.

Karchak came in a few minutes later and locked the door behind him. "There. Now we'll have some privacy."

Tano's heart felt like it was about to hammer its way out of his chest. "How... what do--"

"Listen," Karchak interrupted gruffly. "I'm sure the doctors gave you books full of human nonsense and sentimentality, but the simple truth is this: nature has engineered us so that sex is one of the most pleasurable activities humanoids can indulge in, because if it wasn't we wouldn't bother propagating our various species."

Tano considered this, then nodded slowly. That honestly made a lot more sense to him than Banu's platitudes about love, pleasure, and 'humanoid connection'. "So I'm just supposed to be a slave to my biology then?" he asked wearily.

"Hardly." Karchak gestured at the erection that was visible even through Tano's uniform jacket. "This is like an itch. If you scratch it, it will go away."

"And... how..."

Karchak's smile was sweetly poisonous. "Do you want me to show you?"

Tano sighed and surrendered to the inevitable. "Yes. Please."

To his surprise, Karchak just nodded. "Take off your jacket."

After a moment's hesitation, Tano removed his jacket and folded it neatly.

"Now sit with your back against that crate."

Again, Tano complied, hating how the new position made the thick ridge of his erection starkly visible through his pants.

Karchak removed his belt and tunic, revealing an expanse of broad, thickly muscled arms and shoulders, with a belly that spoke to real strength rather than muscles for vanity's sake. His chest was covered with thick, brown curls that trailed down below the waistband of his pants, and his arms were covered with geometric dwarven tattoos.

He surprised Tano by sitting astride his lap.

"I'm going to give you your first orgasm," Karchak said calmly as he removed Tano's belt and started to unbutton his pants. He smirked when he pushed them open and saw the wet spot on his smalls. "Oh you have it bad, don't you," he purred as he rubbed Tano through the fabric, just as Eldreth had in his dream.

Much to his embarrassment, Tano whimpered. When Karchak smirked, Tano grabbed the dwarf's wrist. "This isn't just about the game, isn't it?" he asked hotly. "You're going to hurt me."

Karchak shook off his grip. "It's not just about the game, but no. I'm not going to hurt you."

Tano's heart was racing again as he was gripped by fear and... excitement, which prompted more fear. "I don't believe you."

Instead of looking insulted, Karchak just rolled his eyes. "Come on, Tano. You know when I'm lying to you. You always know."

Tano blinked. "I... I do."

"Am I lying to you now?" Karchak asked impatiently.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. "No. But why--"

The dwarf rolled his eyes again, grabbed Tano's hand, and put it on his own crotch. Tano was shocked to feel firmness where he had expected something soft.

"Wait. You're..."

"Yes." The 'you idiot' was left unspoken, but still clearly audible. "What can I say? I've always had a weakness for men with a rugged face and a big dick."

Tano didn't know what to say to that at all.

Karchak smiled smugly as he pulled down the waistband of Tano's smalls and wrapped his hand around Tano's achingly hard member. He pulled down on Tano's foreskin, exposing the engorged head of his penis, then slowly pulled back up, and it was the best thing Tano had ever felt in his life. Karchak paused for a moment, then did it again, and Tano shuddered with pleasure as his entire world became the feeling of his penis in Karchak's hand, and nothing else.

"Gods, look at you," Karchak said huskily. "You're not thinking of Eldreth at all right now, are you?"

Tano was appalled to realize that he wasn't.

Karchak's own erection was now as visible through his pants as Tano's had been, and his expression sharpened when he saw the direction of Tano's gaze. "Do you want to see?"

Tano nodded. Gods help him, he did want to see it. Was aching to see it.

Karchak opened his fly, pushed down his smalls, and for a long moment both of them just stared.

Tano's experience with erect penises had previously been limited to asking their owners to put them away. He'd never bothered forming an opinion about any of these errant penises, but Karchak's... He couldn't have said why, but he felt drawn to it. It was shorter than his own, but significantly thicker, with a slight upward curve.

Tano badly wanted to touch it, even though every part of him was screaming that this was a mistake. "I don't understand," he mumbled. "I don't love you, and you definitely don't love me. So why..."

"Am I doing this?"

Tano gulped. Nodded.

Karchak smiled venomously and stroked Tano again with sensuous slowness. "Because I can't fucking stand you."

"F-fuck," Tano gasped, suddenly understanding exactly what Karchak meant. "Sh-show me then." He knew he'd lost a point for asking, but he didn't much care.

"You know, the better an orgasm is, the clearer your head will feel when it's done."

Karchak still wasn't lying, and Tano couldn't deny that he was eager to find out what could feel even better than he did right now. "Alright, then. Wh-what..." he gasped and was unable to finish the sentence when Karchak swiped his thumb through the liquid leaking from the head of his member.

"It's good when someone does it for you, but it's better when you do it together," Karchak explained as he pulled a vial out of his pocket and poured oil into Tano's hand.

Tano swallowed and wrapped his hand around Karchak's erection. It was hot, and thick, and Tano could feel Karchak's pulse in the thick veins that ran along its length, which he found surprisingly exciting. When Tano tentatively stroked him, Karchak bucked into his hand. "That's it," he groaned. "You touch that fucking cock."

Tano made a sour face. When Karchak laughed at his reaction, Tano stroked him again to shut him up.

Karchak moaned and let go of Tano, who made an indignant noise. He would have retaliated by letting go of Karchak if the other man hadn't stopped him. "No way," the dwarf said challengingly. "You're all of thirty seconds from busting a nut."

Tano frowned. "What--"

"Vulgar human slang for ejaculation." Karchak explained, grinning as he fondled Tano's testicles. "These are nuts."

"That's disgusting," Tano grunted, then gasped when Karchak ran his finger up the underside of his penis.

"You don't get to come - to orgasm - until I do, because this is a quid pro quo."

Tano was weirdly reassured by this proof of Karchak's inherently mercenary nature. "Fine."

He resumed stroking Karchak, who moaned. And certainly the other man seemed to be enjoying himself - the twitch and pulse of his member in Tano's hand was proof of that - but he wasn't coming to pieces the way Tano had. So, driven by an instinct he couldn't explain, Tano reached around to grab Karchak's braid at the base of his skull and pull. When Karchak responded by making a high-pitched keening noise, Tano dropped it with a startled yelp.

"Well don't fucking stop!" Karchak snapped.

Tano resumed tugging on Karchak's braid, earning a louder repetition of his previous sound. And... fuck there was something so gods-damned arousing about seeing Karchak like this. His enemy, a man he'd loathed for years, turning to putty with his penis in Tano's hand. Tano's own member throbbed painfully as it protested its untouched state, but he clenched his teeth, refusing to give Karchak the satisfaction of begging to be touched again.

He experimented with technique until Karchak gasped and started to tremble. "Fuck, that's it."

Tano chuckled. "You know, I didn't think you'd be this easy."

Karchak's eyes snapped open and his nostrils flared angrily. "I'm sorry, but you are definitely easier than I am," he growled. He poured more oil into his hand before pushing Tano's hand out of the way so that he could wrap his large hand around both of them.

Tano all but sobbed at the incredible feeling of Karchak's hand sliding along his length, even as their hard penises... their hard cocks rubbed against one another. (Karchak was right in his choice of words - this was too degrading to be described in clinical terms.)

"That's what I thought," Karchak declared as Tano threw back his head back and almost cracked his head open on the corner of the crate.

Tano could only moan and gasp for breath. He was hot, far too hot, and his heart was pounding. And then every muscle in his body clenched at once as he was hit with a pure, unadulterated pleasure that coursed through every fiber of his being. A moment later, his balls twitched convulsively, and he spurted a hot, milky liquid all over himself.

Karchak was groaning and rutting against Tano's cock, and then he, too, spent fluid all over them both before collapsing away from Tano onto the floor, rather than forward into Tano's arms. Which. Good. Even after what they'd just shared, Tano was honestly still repulsed by the idea of anything resembling intimacy with the little weasel.

"Fuck," Tano groaned. "That was..." The words that immediately sprang to mind were 'life-changing'. But he discarded the thought as soon as he'd had it. His p-- his cock was already softening, and clarity was returning, which was such a fucking relief that Tano barely kept himself from laughing. "Is it always this messy?"

Karchak did laugh. "Not a whit of sentiment," he wheezed. "Never change." He sat up and pulled a cloth out of his pocket, which he used to clean himself up before handing it to Tano. "Yes. It usually is."

There was silence as they both put themselves back in order.

Finally, Tano couldn't stand it anymore. "So. This doesn't mean..."

"Of course not," Karchak snapped. "I can't fucking stand you."

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual!"

Karchak's jaw clenched and unclenched. "This changes nothing." And there it was - the first lie. But a lie to himself, just as much as it was a lie to Tano.

Tano leaned forward, grabbed Karchak's beard, and tugged lightly. "I wouldn't say that," he said softly. When Karchak's lips parted with undeniable interest, Tano smirked and let him go.

"It doesn't change anything emotionally," Karchak spat, green eyes blazing. "You're still the fucking worst."

"High praise coming from you," Tano replied, smiling sweetly.

Karchak smiled right back. "You know, hate fucking is even more intense."

Tano blushed right up to his hairline.

"Come back when you've gotten tired of your hand, and I might deign to show you," the dwarf said with a triumphant smirk before turning to unlock the door. "You can see yourself out."

- - -

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