This is from a friend of mine who used to post here, so if you recognise the style, you're probably right.

Anistasia tried to get him to post this, but was turned down. Through much badgering, I managed to get him to let me and here it is. It's not TG, it's just nice and I think you'd better have a look because it makes you feel good inside.

It's called The Writer

Midway through his contract to guard Maude the Seamstrist, as she travels the Land Beyond creating beautiful clothes, Manny daily found himself wishing he had never crossed the bridge and accepted her offer. Admittedly, he had grown to like the talkative witch; however, strange things happened around her. Worse, those strange things seemed to happen too him. First trapping him in the body of Maude’s daughter, Lirial, then as a gorgeous, amazonian sized pixie. He could definitely use a quiet day off by himself. But will the most dastardly band of villains (on a skill testing exam, the only band of villains would also be acceptable) in the mountains have different ideas.

Dun-dun-dunnnn.

Mastectomy!

Fiction by Johnny Cumlately

I was born on 5th March 1932, christened Joseph Stanley and my birth was registered as Joseph Stanley Marples, son of William and Anne Marples.

 
“It’s not that little!” I protested.
Garibaldi shrugged. “I saw one on a nature show. It was a lot bigger. Have you tried killing it?”
“I didn’t think that was a good idea, seeing as it used to be my penis. I’d rather not kill my penis. ”