The Recoverer (6).
by
Angharad.
My cousin, Jonathon Ronson, was probably my nearest living relative. I didn't often see eye to eye with him. He was a black and white man, his opinion always being right and anyone else was wrong if they disagreed. If they felt the same then, they were elevated to genius. I was anything but, usually he thought of me as a fool, yet I earned twice as much as he did as an accountant, although shades of my employment sometimes ranged into the grey, and he was opposed to that. I tried to explain that in my job, a great deal is compromise, negotiating to try and please both sides. He couldn't see that at all. He had one son who was packed off to boarding school as soon as he was able to go and he loathed the place. If you were sports mad and male chauvinist pig, you might get by, Stephen, his son, was anything but, a sensitive boy who struggled to cope.

It so happened that Stephen and I got on quite well, so when his parents wanted to do a cruise for the holiday of a lifetime, I agreed to have Stephen. Of course when Jon came to see me a week or so before, he found me in full Eve mode. I knew Stephen didn't have a problem with it because we had spoken about it. He knew his dad was anti, but he said he was okay about it.

"Oh, great, you're in tranny mode, you'd better not be next week, remember you have my son for a month and I don't want him to end up a poofter like you."

"I don't think cross-gender stuff is catchable or Mike would have caught it by now."

"It's my son, so my opinion counts."

"I hope you don't have any disagreements with the captain on your cruise."

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm hardly likely to argue with a professional."

"I think I'm considered a professional too, Jon."

"How can you be when you gad about dressed as a woman half the time, don't you realise how people think about you, as some sort of effeminate deviant."

"Does Steve have a problem with it?"

"I do on his behalf, he's only 16."

"That makes him a near adult, he could have sex with another 16 year-old without parental consent. He can't drink legally, except with a meal but he could win the lottery."

"I don't like it, it goes against all in the Bible."

"So do most things from murder and adultery down, doesn't stop people committing both."

"What's the point of arguing with you, you're too stupid to see my point."

"May be I am," I confessed, my only degrees are master's in psychology and criminology, so what do I know?"

"Exactly," he seemed pleased with himself.

"So, if you are so sure that Steve would dislike coming to stay with me like this, why don't you ask him."

"What now?"

"Yes, right this minute. I'll call him if you have a problem with that," I offered.

"Okay then, yes I will. I'll show you that he thinks you're a deviant too." I wasn't so sure and I suspect Stephen would enjoy some time staying with me and doing a few things that are different to what he does every day.

Jon rang Stephen and his question was misleading. "You know you're supposed to be staying with your Uncle Adam, he's dressed up like some drag queen at the moment, does it worry you? It does me."

"Can you send me a pickie to my phone?"

"What? I just told that he looks absolutely stupid dressed as a woman with long hair and makeup and false breasts, the lot."

"Can I see?" Steven replied.

"This is not some game, Stephen."

"I know Dad, Auntie Eve always looks really cool."

He took a photo and sent it off. Moments later my phone rang and he sent me a text, 'Lookin' good, Eve.' Then he phoned his father and told him it didn't worry him that I looked like a babe.

"Don't tell me you fancy this creature?"

"Course not it's my auntie isn't it."

"It's actually a man, remember that."

"Aw Dad, nothing's gonna happen, we're relatives. We get on fine so don't worry, besides Mike is there most of the time and we get on fine too."

"I don't know, Stephen," he took on typical dithering mode.

"Mum's gonna be so disappointed, you know how long she's wanted to go on this holiday, just the two of you." Steve was playing all the cards he had, and not making too much of a mess of it, Jon was wavering mainly because Susie his wife ruled the roost and she didn't have a problem either, she even borrowed a dress from me for the trip.

It transpired that Steve won the argument and was coming to stay with me for the holidays, I had promised him a few trip to see things he wanted that his father would never contemplate, so he was quite looking forward to his stay and I was pleased too.

A few days later the same taxi that was carrying his parents to the ferry port dropped him off at my place. I was still as Eve, his mum waved and his dad almost snarled at me, but Steve was happy to see me and kissed me on the cheek in front of his dad and then waved to them. I think it had the effect desired by the young man. "How can he tell you how to behave, you're an adult? Just 'cos he's a constipated born-again, he thinks no one should have any fun because he doesn't. When he gets back he'll spend two weeks telling me what was wrong with the cruise while Mum will tell me it was wonderful."

"Yeah, I lent her a posh dress for the dances or dining at the captain's table,."

"I know she told me, mind you I suggested she asked you, Dad is trying to make her as boring as he is."

"I rather got that idea, why can't those who catch evangelical fever keep quiet or just succumb to it, rather than having to inflict it on everyone?"

"I suppose they think it's their duty," Steve told me after a short pause.

"They think they have a divine right, even though all they do is poison things, none of it seems to filled with love, just hate limitations, whereas being in touch with the Divine should be freeing us from all that. What d'you fancy doing?"

He paused for a moment, "Anything?"

"Within reason as long as I can afford it and it's legal."

"Oh."

"That a problem?"

"Have you got a dress to fit me?"

"If your dad finds out he'll excommunicate me."

"I doubt it, he's not Catholic and neither are you."

"How about we have some lunch and then go buy you a dress?"

"And a bag and some shoes?"

I shook my head, "You get worse, do you know that?"

"No just negotiating with the expert."

I shook my head again - some expert. His hair wasn't too short to be restyled and my hairdresser is a whiz with such things, I went off to get some lunch and Steve went off for a quick shower. I'm no gourmet but even I should be able to knock up something better than a boarding school, so it was Spanish omelettes all round.

I once had to show the cook in a restaurant how to make them, it's with potato if you haven't encountered them before and they can be quite filling. After we ate them and sorted the dishes, we went off to town, Stephanie wearing a skirt and top of mine, she brought her own smalls. "Those boobs look quite real," she observed as we drove and my cleavage became more obvious at times as I worked the gears and steering of the car."

"They should be, I've taken enough mones to grow small mountains let alone these molehills."

"What you've been growing your own?" Stephanie exclaimed.

"Yes, there's no substitute."

"Now I feel very jealous," offered my ward.

"Remember, I lost my gonads a few years ago, got to replace them with some steroidal sex hormones, I just chose female ones, my doc was fine about it."

"If I asked for those at home or school, there'd be hell to pay."

" Just be patient young un', in a few years time you can do as you like, but until you're legally an adult your dad would create all sorts of trouble for both of us."

"Why would he try to cause you problems?"

"Your dad is a lovely guy unless you cross him or his strait-laced beliefs, he would assume that you caught transgenderism from me."

"But that's absurd."

"And belief in sky fairies isn't?" I threw back to Steph.

"But I've been wanting to be a girl since I was about five or six."

"I know that but your dad doesn't and he's so off target with his ideas about real people and the psychology they demonstrate, that he's likely to do something stupid to you and then to me. I respect his right to hold such views even if they belong in the dark ages."

"Mum's beginning to come on board and she feels that my staying with you for a couple of weeks or longer is a good idea, she's probably not ready to come out publicly and support me but she'll get there if I give it time. Dad of course thinks you're the devil incarnate."

"He doesn't realise that his views put him closer to that role than my liberal ones."

"Reminds me of the futility of killing doctors who perform abortions."

"Here we only get them trying to intimidate patients or staff who work at abortion clinics but it's usually funded by American evangelicals, who feel they have a duty to poison the world."

"Oh well, girls just wanna have fun." I played Cyndi Lauper's record as we pulled into the shopping centre car park and Stephanie bounced up and down to it, smiling." It certainly expresses an intent very clearly and I happen to agree with it.

We ended up buying more than a dress, bag and shoes. We bought several outfits, shoes bags and lingerie for both of us. I wouldn't be going on holiday except to my Devon cottage, so deserved a treat and Stephanie's mother gave her some money towards a holiday. When I mentioned the holiday cottage, she was all raring to go as she hadn't been on Dartmoor since she was kid. She's only 16 now so perspectives have to be borne in mind. "I don't think I've ever been to Okehampton or Dartmoor, so let's go and I want to see granny's cottage."

"You haven't got half the outdoor equipment we'd need."

"I brought some of my boy stuff, boots and Barbour and rucksack and so on."

"I don't know, though I should like to see how the windows have stood up in the different weather, we had that very wet spell then the heat wave. Have you got some shoes for distance walking."

"Not really."

"First thing tomorrow we get you some trainers or flatties, if we go to Okehampton or Exeter you'll need them."

"What's to see in Exeter?"

"The cathedral, museums nearby Exmouth which is lovely and other West country places. I'll lend you some binns if we go bird watching."

"No need, I brought my own and spotting 'scope, it's not as posh as yours but pretty good."

We made dinner and all Steph was on about was granny's cottage. If you recall I helped catch some burglars when I was there before and wasn't sure I really wanted to return so soon, but it's difficult to distract a teen who's set their mind on something, and the forecast was good for a few days. Besides the Jag could do with a run and Mike would be here for more immediate issues. He had arranged time off in September and was going to Portugal.

We opted to look for shoes in Okehampton in order to get an early start. Stephanie was champing at the bit and we set off at just after eight, she isn't shaving yet so just put on some slap and off we went. I didn't use any makeup and wondered how we compared, considering I didn't shave either and my body had been ravaged by female hormones for six months and of course my genitals had been stitched into my groin and there was no sign of them unless you made a medical exam. That doctor was expensive and charmless but he knew his stuff. I didn't allow her to see what I'd done because it would only make her feel worse. When an adult, theoretically you can make decisions about how you wish to live, it might be harder these days because we're seemingly run by arsehole politicians who have deliberately made it harder but I believe that transgender people will never disappear no matter what pathetic politicians do to curry favour with those who just make the world worse. I believe we'll win because the others will eventually find something else to complain about or grow up and realise we have to solve our own problems with compassion and consideration rather than by prayer or missiles, as far as I'm aware the former doesn't intercept the latter.

We stopped for breakfast at Honiton and had bacon and egg with toast and coffee, next stop was Okehampton and we bought some lace up Hotter shoes for Steph and a load of groceries and perishables, including milk and fruit. I was far happier eating fruit than bacon and egg for breakfast, along with some toast. Banana mashed on toast and cups of tea or coffee are fine for me and possibly better for my blood pressure and waistline.

Eventually we made it to the cottage where no one had broken any windows and the alarm system seemed to be working. Steph was impressed, "How come you got this and we didn't?"

"Different grannies, not Dad's one but my Mum's. Last time I'd been burgled and because of it I caught the crims with a little bit of help from the local constabulary, albeit initially rather reluctant. As they got some share in the glory, they said I'd always be welcome, presumably until I actually showed up." Steph thought that was hilarious.

"Wouldn't it be funny if we solved a crime while we're down here?" Steph expressed her opinion I shook my head, this is a small country town it's not London or one of the big cities, crime is relatively small beer here."

"Yeah but we're not too far from Exeter or even Bristol."

"Okay, so some of those nasty types may venture forth to rob the locals and tourists of their hard earned cash, it could be related to drugs which get everywhere, or gangs trying their luck here, I mean a few years ago we had loads of trouble with Romanians and they could still be nicking copper from the railways, apparently it's big business these days and with electric trains they use rather a lot of it.

She thought the cottage was lovely but told me that cooking was not her forte, assuming we wanted to enjoy eating. I told her if I was cooking she was washing up. I was going to say that there was no negotiation on it but she just agreed and we bought some rubber gloves to save her having washday red hands. She asked what I did for telly and I replied I didn't usually watch it or used my laptop if I really wanted to see something. But her nagging the next day meant I bought a 32" flat screen for my lounge, with which she felt very happy and I felt as if I'd been conned. So far staying at my own property seemed to be costing me as much as Jon's cruise. I suppose I had a TV now, so it would be useful for other visits. I tried to reduce my sense of being done by Steph, she hadn't really conned me, but I just don't watch muchTV.

We did some birdwatching at Exmouth and Dawlish Warren and up the River Exe and in doing so met with other birders, who always assume that women need to be shown. It was beginning to annoy my sense of feminism, that women can do everything men do but quicker and better. I made the mistake of saying so and was recommended to a site for nightjar. If you have a site then nightjar are easy to see, if it's a new site, they may not be and as their name suggests they are nocturnal. We ended up accepting the challenge - don't ask.

I was swearing as we drove home, "How could I have fallen for that stupid bet?"

"Because you allowed a dickhead to provoke your feminist principles.

"Yes, but why? I don't usually?"

"He played you like a champion fisherman."

"The bastard. Why didn't I see it earlier, you did."

"Evie, he had been stirring at you all day, you just wanted to shut him up and he posed the bet. I'm sure that you're every bit as good a birder, however, he may know the area better."

"It was stupid of me."

"It's too late now, let's get some dinner and go to the place that young chap told us, he was sure they had nightjar last year." I didn't have a better plan and we could make the new site in 30 minutes, so we had time to eat a decent meal. It was pork chops and I did a full roast dinner with them. Steph cleared up and I checked on our route. I noticed we went quite close to the railway line so wasn't too optimistic as I thought the noise of trains would frighten them off, but nature doesn't do what we consider it should, it does what it wants. There was a small moorland surrounded by woodland and the railway passed in a hollow and we hardly heard it.

As the light eventually faded we heard churring and finally saw some wing clapping both activities of nightjars, Steph managed to capture both on her phone, at least as audio, it had become too dark for pictures. We went back to the car with some optimism, at least we found the target species even if it was too late to win the bet, we were decent losers. As we were driving back out of the dip the railway was in we saw some lights on the trackside. At first we thought it might be someone lamping, where they use bright lights to startle deer and shoot them or set dogs on them, either way it's illegal. However, something didn't look right and when I saw some blue sparks I knew it was something else.

We still had binoculars so we left the car in a field entrance and walked stealthily to where we could see better what they were doing. After a few minutes we could see, they were pinching the copper wire, wrapping it around spools. I checked my phone, I couldn't get a signal but Stephanie could. We ran back to the car and locked ourselves in, she still had a signal and so we rang the police, they said they put the information through to British Transport Police. That wasn't good enough for me I asked to speak to the officer in charge. My luck held and he remembered me from before, 'the antiques woman', he called me. I told him what was happening and where it was roughly. He knew it. He called BTP while we were on the phone to him and they quickly assembled a task force to stop the theft. I suggested we went home and left it to the plod but Stephanie had never seen such action in real life. I told her it could be quite boring and the thieves often escaped. But we went back and watched the villains oblivious of what was coming to meet them very soon.

The thieves were stopping as police cars descended from all around them, transport police and ordinary plod and in twenty minutes they had manage to nab everyone. At that point, I suggested going home and Steph agreed. It took a bit longer to traverse the roads in the dark as they were in the countryside and without lights except the lights of my car. We got home within the hour and I suggested going to bed after a cuppa because we'd be out early tomorrow.

Amazingly we won our bet by fifteen minutes and the police phoned me to thank me for our help with the attempted copper theft. What I didn't realise was Steph had filmed a bit of the attempted robbery on her phone so she could brag about that. I was glad I hadn't been involved in the attempted robbery that would have been very complicated from an insurance position. Until now, I had never believed in coincidences, perhaps there was something in the occasional one after all. I didn't honestly know. But I do know that Steph had a great holiday and I have to admit so did I.