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Danny finds the means of his - Salvation

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Forgiveness
 

"Then it's agreed?" Gina said as she threw Rocco a new toy. He had been on his best behavior and had not acted at all like a cat in at least...seven minutes. He grabbed the toy and raced through the back door onto the deck.

"I think it best we keep Katie out of things for the lad...at least for now." Katie had been introduced to Danny's mom Grace, and the meeting actually went exactly as intended. Danny had been displaying some odd behavior; odd being atypical for him as opposed to odd behavior. After weeks of desperate prayer, Grace confronted Danny after discovering his secret. He had been dressing in his mother's clothes, as she had suspected. Rather than confront him, which would have been the "normal" thing to do, she instead sat down with him and wept tears of intercession as only a loving mother can. He was unable to explain why he dressed, but neither did Grace press him for an answer. She rightly surmised that he had no idea why he was doing what he did. She only knew that her only child was being torn apart by the conflict he waged every night.

"Was it this bad for you, honey?" Gina asked.

"As far as the abuse? Most likely," the pretty blond said. "My father, God bless him (and she actually had come to mean that) was relentless. I suppose I was more damaged by the way he treated my mother than how he treated me...at least in trying to figure out just how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I finally decided that however he treated Mum, I would do the opposite. I hope I made the right decision."

"You get no argument from me," Gina said as she kissed Katie on the forehead.

"Anyway, I found that even after I learned to forgive my dad for what he had done, the feelings I felt about myself," and here she pointed to herself, "hadn't changed much. There was a time when I felt absolutely horrible about me, and I still struggle with that to this day. But for the most part, I learned that I can actually get along with my brother.

(Her brother being her true self and Gina's husband Ben). Having someone to love me as I am has made a world of difference in my healing, but it all started when I forgave my father."

"Grace says that Danny has forgiven his father. What else can he do?"

"First, we have to help....I mean you and Ben must help him understand that there are two things going on. First, he is suffering from a severe lack of self esteem. I can see that he's already made inroads in that he is visiting the kids at the hospital with Linda.

He's feeling good about himself, at least some of the time, because he's found something bigger than himself. Second, he has his mother's support and encouragement and most of all, her example of faith. But third, even though the abuse and following shame may have precipitated his dressing, it may only have been a catalyst, rather than the cause. I don't pretend to know all about this, sweetheart...I'm sure you can attest to that. But my understanding is that sometimes what I...what we do is part and parcel of who we are."

"I think you're right. He definitely needs to do something or discover something that will finally get him past his father's and his uncle's treatment. But what, we just don't know yet. What I know we can do, regardless, is continue to support Grace as she deals with this. She's going to talk to him about talking with us. Only if he feels comfortable...and only if his mother isn't there...at least at first. I think he'll be okay if we share what we talk about with Grace, but he is too fragile and feels too ashamed to even discuss this in front of her."

 

"Honey....can you come here?" Grace said softly, but Danny had heard the sobs all the way from his room.

"Mom, what's wrong...I am so sorry for everything." Danny's eyes started to mist up, and the shame threatened to overwhelm him once again. His mother said softly, but her words pushed the shame out of the room; at least for a little while.

"Honey, we've talked about this already," she said firmly, even as she wiped away her tears. "I love you, and you don't have to continue to ask for forgiveness. I already forgave you, but I'm not even sure of what I am forgiving you for.

Come here," Grace patted the cushion next to her on the couch. He walked over and sat down.

"Your Uncle Jack died yesterday." She said as she began to cry again.

"I thought you were glad when he moved away." Danny said bitterly. His uncle had lost his coaching job because of his drinking and had moved back home to be with family.

"I was glad he moved, but I was never glad when his behavior hurt himself or others."

Danny struggled with the memories of his uncle's cruel teasing and verbal abuse. He had suffered under his father's abuse until his dad was killed in a D.U.I. accident a few years back. The hurt came back as if his uncle was standing in the room, mocking him.

"I prayed he would be delivered, but he just couldn't stop drinking. He ran his motorcycle off the road and hit a tree.

He was killed instantly." She cried softly as Danny stood up suddenly.

"Good...I'm glad he's dead...I hate him...I hate him more than Daddy." Danny yelled through his own tears. His father's abuse had ended abruptly when he died, and Jack had taken up the mantle. Danny was dealing with the emotional fallout that confused all the other issues he was dealing with. But Danny was due for a breakthrough, and his deliverer would come from an unlikely source.

 

"I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I know he treated you bad, but it's still hard to lose someone in the family." Linda looked at Danny and smiled an innocent, comforting smile, but Danny would have none of it.

"What do you know?" hHe said angrily. "How can you say such a thing? That is so stupid!" he said. Linda started to tear up, but pulled herself together. She stood up and waved her finger at him.

"Why Danny Argento....you are just as bad as your uncle if you think you can say stuff like that to me. I am not stupid! And you are just plain mean." She really didn't mean to come down that hard on him, but she was actually correct in her assessment. Well, he wasn't really mean, but he was acting like it.

You might have expected that to turn him around, and while it helped considerably, it wasn't the tipping point for his salvation. But it was just around the corner.

 

A few days later, Linda stood in front of the unit and said, "Apology accepted." Linda smiled a victorious smile as Danny accepted her hug awkwardly. Apart from still be unable to receive encouragement and support on a regular basis, Danny had noticed he had been feeling different, especially when he wasn't...yes, when he wasn't around Linda. He realized later that he was missing her company, and not just because she was his best friend, which she was.

Linda and Danny were alone today because the other girl had a make-up chem test that afternoon. They walked onto the unit where they were greeted with the usual smiles and giggles. Little boys and girls with almost no hair and hearts the size of Wisconsin. Linda noticed it first, and tried to distract Danny, but she failed. Nancy Soriano, one of the day nurses, had tried to get Linda's attention. She had tears in her eyes, and it was clear what she was trying to say.

Danny turned around, wondering what held Linda's attention.

Joey's bed was empty, and his chart was missing. That only meant one thing at his stage.

"NO!" He cried out, but quickly lowered his tone when he saw the other kids look at him.

"I'm so sorry...we tried to call, but you had left for school already. He died this morning. Oh, honey...it's okay..."

She reached over to comfort him, but he jerked his shoulders away. He walked out of the ward and sat down on a bench outside. Linda came after him.

"Danny....Oh, Danny...I'm so sorry...I know how much he meant to you." There's a scene in Fellowship of the Ring right after Gandalf dies and the company has escaped. Aragorn asks where Frodo is, and the camera pans and zooms to Elijah Wood's face. The look of despair and grief is so overwhelming that you can't help but cry yourself. You would have wept like that had you seen Danny's face at that moment. He liked Linda and her family, and he absolutely adored his mother.

Joey, however, was something else. His face always beamed in appreciation when Danny would enter the room. Danny struggled with his faith over the devastation the cancer had wrought in Joey's little body. But, in spite of it all, Joey kept going. And he kept going until he couldn't go any further. If Danny could have, he would have carried the little boy right through and past the cancer, but of course he couldn't.

Linda sat down on the bench and cried, as much for Danny as for Joey. She knew that there had been very few things in Danny's life that brought him joy, and the little boy had been one of them. There are times when you know it's a bad idea to say something, but you just have to anyway. There's really no choice, so you just say it.

"Danny....his last words..." She fought back her own tears. "The nurse said that he was talking right to the end. His mother held his little hand..." By now she was sobbing.

"He said...Mommy...tell Danny I hope he has a happy birthday."

There are few things in life that affect us enough to change us instantly. This moment was the tipping point in Danny's quest for meaning and his own forgiveness. He had wept bitter tears before, torn in two by his own conflict. He had wept angry tears that filled him with hate and unforgiveness. The tears he wept that day were tears of change. He had gone into the ward an angry, bitter teenage boy. He left that day a young man transformed by the life of a little kid.

 

"Happy birthday, lad," Ben said as he handed Danny a package. Danny looked up at Ben, surprised. "Go ahead...open it.

It's not much, just something I think you might appreciate." Ben smiled...a warm, fatherly smile from a kind man.

"Till We Have Faces...C.S. Lewis...He wrote the Narnia books, didn't he?" Danny didn't know what to say. He loved books, and had read the whole Narnia series as a kid.

"To Katherine Brosnan...best regards...C.S. Lewis...April 7, 1958."

"It was my grandmother's....she loved to read, too. It's a little heavy, but I think you can handle it, and it might help you understand yourself a bit more." It would prove to be one of Danny's favorite books. It is a bit heavy, but worth the read.

"Here's something I got you," Linda said, trying not to be embarrassed, but turning a delightful pink nonetheless.

"To Danny Argento...the best friend a girl could ever have." Her inscription was well-meant, even if it revealed much more than she intended. In the card was a gift certificate for the local movie chain for fifty dollars."

"Oh, honey, that's way too expensive." Grace looked at her, immediately realizing her entreaty was in vain.

Gina leaned over and whispered in Grace's ear, "I think he's supposed to SHARE the gift." Gina giggled enough so as to snort the diet cola she was drinking, which happily drew the attention away from the dark pink flooding both Danny's and Linda's cheeks.

"Mom...I've got a gift for you." He said as he handed her the envelope. She opened it and found a card inside that simply read, "Those who forgive much love much. I hope I can learn to love as much as you do, Mom. I forgive Uncle Jack and Dad. Love always, Danny"

Grace looked at her son with as much pride as a mother can have for her son. She didn't cry...at least not right then.

She looked at him and smiled.

 

After everyone had left, Danny was sitting at the kitchen table. Scooter was sitting at his feet, gnawing on a rawhide bone. Grace was leaning against the doorway, staring at the scene, feeling some relief from the battles the two had waged the last few months.

"I love you, Danny. Sweet dreams." His mother called from her room.

"Love you, too." he called back from the kitchen. He opened the door and welcomed Scooter in for the night. Turning off the lights, he walked back to his bedroom and shut the door. He walked past the mirror. The girl wouldn't be bothering him tonight. She'd return, but she would never bother him again. No more hurts, no more teasing, never again. Tomorrow would bring what Rick says in Casablanca about the "beginning of a beautiful friendship." He walked to his bed and noticed the envelope sitting on his pillow. He remembered the last time his mother left a note on his pillow. That time started out so painful and sad, but nudged the family in the right direction. He opened the envelope, which revealed not one, but two cards. The top card read OPEN ME FIRST.

"Dearest Son," it began. "Words cannot express how proud I am of you. You have proven to me that you are a young man of character. I am so glad you chose to help those children. You were never a selfish child, but your actions are that of selflessness, and for that I truly thank God. I know things have been difficult for you, and I cannot imagine how painful they have been, but I want you to know that there is hope. You continue to remind me every day by your caring and giving. Any mother would be proud to have a son like you. God Bless you and Happy Birthday. Love, Mom." There had been a time in the recent past where Danny would have been unable to receive what his mother wrote. He would struggle for years with success, and would be able to impart his faith and hope to his own children through what he had experienced and overcome. While he wasn't quite ready to nod in agreement, no voices plagued him that day or ever again, and at least he didn't shake his head no.

He put the card down on his nightstand, almost reverently, and it would hold a place in his Bible for years to come. But there was another card. It was written in longhand, just like the first, with the words, "OPEN ME SECOND." Danny grew to understand the priority of the message on the card; the second would not make sense without the first, and the first would help explain the message of the second. He opened the card gingerly, with both an excitement and dread.

What he discovered gave him peace and acceptance.

It began,

"My sweet daughter....

 

Identity

You may remember what your teacher said before you took a test in high school or college. "Read the instructions," or "Please don't start until I tell you to." Sometimes you might make a huge mistake because you forgot what Part A said while reading Part B. Danny forgot Part A....the part of his birthday card where his mother affirmed him and encouraged him as her son. When he finished reading Part B about her "daughter," he completely misunderstood her intentions. It probably was too soon to write something to her "sweet daughter," but you can't put the emotional ketchup back in the metaphysical bottle, or something like that.

 

She stood at her favorite place in front of the mirror on her closet. She wasn't a vain girl in the least. In fact, she might be one of the most modest girls you might meet. Her image was no longer teasing her. They had actually come to terms and were beginning to be friends. Her hair was a little longer; she hadn't had it cut in months, and she was glad that it was finally growing out. Her makeup was modest, like her, with just a hint of mascara for the first time, which set off her hazel eyes. She wore a grey skirt she had borrowed from her mother, along with a nice ice blue satin blouse and dark grey heels. She had been spending more time with the girl in the mirror, but had no other friends. Her mother knew she spent a lot of time in her room, but had said nothing other than "I love you" through the door. No one was home, and of course her friend in the mirror couldn't accompany her, so she spent the afternoon by herself on the couch in the living room reading a book a friend had given her for her birthday last week. So intent was she that she didn't notice that her mother had left the door ajar when she left for work that morning. A mere oversight, but one with a huge, if not confusing impact on the girl.

"Danny...." the voice called from the doorway. "Aunt Gina invited us to Uncle Ben's rugby game on Saturday, so I figured I'd just..." The girl in the doorway stopped talking when she saw the girl on the couch. The girl on the couch recognized the girl in the doorway, and looked for a place to hide. Sort of like when a character on TV tries to hide behind a sign post two inches thick. The girl entered the house and stood a few feet from the couch, staring. She squinted, as if that would change what she saw. She stammered.

"Ddddd...Danny? Is that you?" It sounded more like "ith that you," which under normal circumstances would have been pleasant to hear. The girl on the couch turned a nice magenta and began to shake, unable to answer the girl.

"Oh...how could you? Danny....I..." The girl started crying and ran out of the house and down the street. The girl on the couch would have tried to stop her, but she was immobilized. She actually sat that way, sobbing to herself until her mother came through the front door two hours later.

 

"Calm down, sweetie...I can't understand you....Danny what? Is he okay?" Despite Danny's progress, he remained somewhat fragile, still dealing with the fallout of the verbal abuse heaped on him by his late father and late uncle. Gina was worried, but her fears turned into relief and back to worry in an instant when Linda blurted out.

"I...I think Danny....is...gay." She continued to cry, burying her face in her aunt’s shoulder. Linda had made friends with Danny, and had been a major help in drawing him out of himself. They both visited kids at the children’s oncology wing of the local hospital, and Danny had made a major breakthrough when a little boy he had made friends with died.

The boy's courage helped Danny overcome his anger and unforgiveness toward his dad and uncle. Linda had grown fond of Danny, and would probably have admitted her growing attraction for him had she not seen him that day.

"What do you mean, honey. Did he say something to you?" Gina had an idea where Linda had got the impression, and her thoughts were more for Danny at this moment than her niece. "He...heee....he....was dresssss....ed....like...a..." She almost snorted..."a...girl."

With that, Linda lost it completely and wept into her aunt's sweater until it was soaked with tears. Gina didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Actually, she suppressed the laugh and resisted at least for the moment the urge to cry along with Linda. She thought for a few minutes. Danny had been very insistent upon one thing. He didn't think he was gay. He was confused, to be sure, but became almost embarrassed when he said it, because he immediately followed the protest with "I....I think ...I like Linda." His face had darkened from his usual pink to a new shade of red. Gina actually named it "Awkward-but-too-shy-to-ask-her-for-a date Crimson." She was pretty sure that anything she might say in a general sense regarding Danny's choice of clothing that day would not violate any trust, since Linda had witnessed it first-hand. She would not, however, reveal anything else about what she and Ben had discussed and counseled and prayed with Danny. Whatever needed to be said in that regard would come from Danny alone, and only when he was ready.

"Linda....sweetie...honey…" She said, but continued the thought, "you're getting snot all over my new sweater." She laughed, and Linda looked up at her, puzzled. Gina softened her smile somewhat, and said,
"There's really not much I can tell you." Linda was aware that Gina and Ben were counseling Ben; it was she who had approached Gina when Linda and Danny had met. Linda was aware of Danny's problems and had encouraged him to talk to Gina, along with his mother.

"But I guess there's no harm telling you what you already know. Danny...does..." Gina struggled for the words. It's one thing to work through the challenges of being newly married to a cross dresser (however attractive "she" might be.)

Telling her niece that the boy she likes is one as well is a much more daunting task.

"There are a lot of terms and words to describe it, but just try to understand that what he does changes nothing about who he is. Sweetie, I've talked to him. I know how much he loves to visit the kids (she almost said "with you."). He is sweet and kind and generous." Gina thought about what had attracted her to Ben before she had discovered his secret, and realized just how much like Ben Danny was.

"But Aunt Gina...." She began to sob, "What do I do? How can I? I really wanted to be his friend...I really....liked him."

"Honey, right now, I don't think there's anything to do but what you're doing already."

"Waaahat's tttthhh...hat, Aunt Gina?"

"Just love him like you already do....and it's okay to have a good cry." Gina said, pulling her niece to her with a hug. "It's okay...go ahead, honey. I'm here."

 

"Do you really think this will work, My Love?" Ben teased Gina with "tink dis will work, my luf." She swatted his arm playfully. "I prayed about it, and I would never do this without talking to Grace. She feels that nothing could be worse than where he's at right now, and she feels a peace about it, if I heard her rightly."

"Well, since his mother has no objections, then I think it might be a good idea after all. But just this once, Darlin'. I do believe that I am not ready to include what we are about to into our counseling repertoire."

"The APA might be a little taken aback by the approach as well." Gina laughed.

"Tis true, Darlin', Tis true." Ben said with a laugh. He pulled his wife to him and kissed her passionately. Rocco, their bull terrier, sat on the floor. He looked up with a doggy grin, almost in approval of what he heard, and wagged his tail enthusiastically.

 

"Yeh fookin’ moron...I was open," the player said. "Ah...gowan...Jackie Boy. You couldn't score if we gave you the ball and pushed you over the goal." Ben's teammates celebrated with taunts and teases after every win. "I tell you, Paddy, my mother's Irish setter could kick better than you, and he's blind and has only three legs." Jackie boy laughed as he patted his mate on the back."Comin' to the pub, Dr. Kelly?"

"Sorry lads, but I've got family to be with today. Maybe next Saturday." Ben was respected by his teammates. He was not a big guy, as some of you may recall, but he was quick and kicked the ball well. His soft demeanor belied his tenacity when the goal was in sight, and would likely have been a star in any rugby league, had he received encouragement when he was younger. Ben waved to his mates and walked over to the sidelines and kissed his wife. Standing next to her was her cousin Linda, who looked very nervous and awkward, despite watching her favorite uncle play. She was nervous because Danny was standing on the other side of Gina. He looked more awkward and more nervous than her, and he was glad that Gina was between them so he wouldn't have to face her. They had invited each of them without the other's knowledge, and the ride back to the Kelly house promised to be an interesting, if not very long one.

"Pizza guy should be here in about twenty minutes. Linda, would you help me set the table?" Linda bolted out of the recliner as if she were shot out of a cannon. Danny was sitting on the hearth. His head was down ostensibly to pay attention to Rocco, who sat at his feet. Actually, he understandably had his head down because he was petrified over having to look Linda in the eye.

"I'll just be a while; I've got to take a shower." Ben said as he smiled at the trio.

"Uncle Ben's a good Rugby player, Aunt Gina. You know what mom calls him? A dreamboat. What the heck is that?"

"That, sweetie, is a term your great-grandmother might have used to describe a very handsome man. I have to agree with your mom. Ben is a dreamboat. And He's mine," she added with a giggle, pointing to her rings. She never got tired of saying that, and Linda actually glad to hear it. She respected Gina's opinion and wanted to be just like her. Oh, she loved and respected her mother as much as any loving child does, but her mother understood and even encouraged her devotion to Gina.

"This actually fits into our plan," she thought, suppressing a conspiratorial laugh.

As predicted, the pizza guy came exactly twenty minutes later with wings and two large pizzas. Linda took the pizza to the deck and placed it on the picnic table. Gina considered asking Danny if he wanted to help, but the prospect of he and Linda walking through the back door at the same time changed her mind. The three sat down at the table. Gina sat across from Linda at one end of the table. Danny took a lawn chair and placed it at the far end of the table. He sat down and immediately put his head down, still too embarrassed to make eye contact. A moment later, a knock came from inside the house at the back door.

 

"Am I late?" a soft voice asked with just a little hint of a brogue.

"Not at all. Come on out. Kids," (at seventeen, they were hardly kids, but Gina felt that "mixed small group of awkward and embarrassed teenagers" was too long.) "I'd like you to meet Ben's sister Katherine." Linda turned and saw a very pretty woman at the door. She was about her mom's and Aunt Gina's age, and she looked just as Irish as Uncle Ben.

"Oh, nice to meet you, Katherine." Linda couldn't get over how much Ben and his sister resembled each other. She thought that she was just as pretty as he was handsome (enigmatic good-for-a-guy-or-girl face, sort of Jodie Foster-ish). Danny stood awkwardly and only extended his hand after Katie had offered hers.(A gentleman should allow the woman to offer her hand first.)

"Danny Argento...pleased to meet you, Katherine."

"And you also, Danny, and it's Katie, please."

All through the meal, Linda kept staring at Katie. "She even has freckles and blond hair like her brother. I know he isn't a twin. I didn't even know he had a sister." Danny was glad for another person at the table. It deflected attention away from him, and every moment of eating and by someone else talking brought him closer to the end of the night. Katie didn't talk much about herself. She talked about bigger things. She and Ben shared the same abiding faith in God that Gina and Danny and his mom and Linda did. She talked about what a good relationship Ben and Gina had. Linda couldn't help but think that Katie was just as nice as her Uncle Ben, and was thrilled to have another aunt in the family. Gina told Katie about how well Ben had performed at the field that day. She was proud of her husband and wanted everyone to know.

"I told Aunt Gina something today..." Linda said meekly. "My mom says that your brother is a dreamboat." Gina looked right at Katie. Danny and Linda were naturally paying attention to Katie and did not see the silly grin Gina shot at Katie.

"My Dreamboat," Gina mouthed silently and smiled. Good for Katie that she had already swallowed her iced tea, or she would have snorted it out of her nose.

"Hey, what's keeping Uncle Ben?" Linda asked, looking toward the back door.

"Oh, he'll be along shortly," Gina said, using her eyes to direct Katie to the door.

"I must take leave. Gina, always wonderful seeing you. Tell Ben I'm sorry, but my pager just went off, and I have to run. God bless all here, nice meeting you both." Katie saw herself out as Gina looked at her niece.

"She's so much like Uncle Ben...it's weird...she's just prettier and softer...you know."

"I know, sweetie," Gina said, continuing the thought in her head, "Oh, believe me, I know."

 

"Well, Dr. Kelly, I think that went quite well." Gina said as she lay in bed next to her husband. She moved closer and cuddled.

"And I agree, Dr. Kelly. Please do me one small favor?" Ben said as he turned to face his wife.

"And what would that be, love of my life?"

"Never make a joke again when I’ve got a mouthful of tea, please."

"For you, my dear, anything," she said, and kissed her husband as only a nearly newlywed can." Rocco sat at the foot of the bed, his tail wagging in approval.

 

"So you didn’t say anything?" Grace asked Gina as they sat on the front steps of her house.

"No, all we did was introduce Katie to Linda and Danny. We decided it would be best if we broke the "news" to them in small doses."

"I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to discover that your Ben had a "sister." Thank you so much for sharing that with me. You had no way of knowing how I’d receive it, but you took a risk, and I can’t help but think that you and Ben are the answer to my prayers." Grace started to cry, and Gina sat closer, putting her arm around Grace’s shoulders.

"Sweetie, that’s what we’re here for." We’re glad you came to us, because it doesn’t just help you face your problems, but it’s God’s way of giving Ben and me more friends to love." She leaned closer and kissed Grace on the forehead, almost as a blessing.

"We’re going to get through this. Danny and you have been through so much pain, and it’s really good to know that you’re seeing God’s hand in all of this. Lots of folks would have given up on their son. He’s a great kid…I should feel blessed if our kids, when they come along, turn out as kind and caring as Danny…but it shouldn’t be a surprise, since he does take after his mother. We’ll be alright, honey, we always are, thank God!"

 

"Hi Uncle Ben, how are you?" Linda said as she walked through the door. She and Danny had just finished their visit to the kids at the hospital, and they dropped him off at home. Her mother was running an errand, so Linda figured she’d pop in and see her favorite Aunt and Uncle.

"I’m doing absolutely great, sweetheart, and I hope you are as well."

"Can I ask you a question, Uncle Ben?" Linda looked as if she was doing better than the other day. Ben had come home and noticed the crying fest on the couch with Gina and Linda, and had walked quietly back out of the house after putting Rocco on his leash.

"Sure, honey, anything." Ben had anticipated the questions that Linda might ask, and had prayed with Gina to prepare for Linda’s expected visit.

"Danny is a good boy, isn’t he?" Linda looked at him with pleading eyes. Her doubts about Danny arose from confusion rather than judgment, and she really hoped Ben would answer positively.

"I have to say, in my nearly thirty years on this planet, sweetheart, that I have met few men (he wanted to stress that) who have as much integrity and courage as your boyfriend." Ben said earnestly. Linda wanted to deny it, but she had to admit, in spite of everything, she had grown to look at Danny with more than sisterly eyes.

But what about…" Her face reddened with embarrassment, again more from confusion than anything else.

"Is he kind?"

"Sure….yes." She said, as if she had to think, which made her think even as Ben continued.

"Is he a good son?"

"I think he’s a great son….Mrs. Argento says it all the time.

"But what do you think, Linda?" Ben wasn’t trying to act like a doctor, but he personalized the question.

"I think he’s a great guy..A great son, but…I just don’t understand."

"If you hadn’t walked in on him at that moment, if you didn’t know what you know, if you had to describe him to someone else, what would you say?" She hesitated, more out of wanting to say the most honest thing, rather than what she thought Uncle Ben wanted to hear.

"If someone asked me what kind of person he was, I’d say a good one. Someone who is loyal and true. Someone who looks out for others and is kind and helpful.

"And who would you say that description reminds you of?" He asked. He would have looked upward, but he didn’t want to answer for her. She looked at him, but saw no hint. On her own, she pointed upward and looked at him with a quizzical expression.

"I can’t argue with that," Ben said with a soft laugh."

"Uncle Ben, can I tell you something?" she said almost apologetically.

"Of course, sweetheart."

"I mean…I don’t want to embarrass you….It’s just…

Oh, you’re going to think…I mean, you’re such a strong man….I…he..."

"Go ahead, sweetie, I’m not made of glass….It’s okay."

"Danny reminds me of….you…Oh, I don’t mean that…" She paused and stuck her tongue out, just a little like when you’re struggling for just the right word. Ben smiled to himself, fully appreciating the irony of Linda’s assessment.

"Aunt Gina says that you’re the kindest, strongest, most wonderful man she’s ever known…" Under different circumstances, Linda might have admitted to someone else that she sort of had a small not-going-anywhere-but-what-if-things-were-different crush on her uncle.

"Until the other day, I would have said the same thing about Danny." Her eyes began to mist, as if a dream was wrenched from her. A sixteen-going-on-seventeen year old girl may not know where she’s going, but she often may know what she wants, and Linda was no exception. She had grown beyond the fondness phase of her relationship with Danny, and now she felt she would go no further, and it really hurt.

"Apart from that day…apart from what you thought you saw, is there anything different about him. Is he less kind? Does he care less about people? Is he less loving toward his friends and family?"

Linda thought about it. She recalled that the day after she had discovered Danny’s secret, she had gone to the hospital, fully expecting that she and the other girl would be the only ones there. When they arrived at the hospital, she was surprised to see that Danny had not only shown up, he had been there a full hour earlier, and was in the middle of reading to all the kids in a circle around another little girl’s bed. She had to admit, however reluctantly, that she was proud that he put his own embarrassment aside to think of the kids.

"He hasn’t changed…he’s still the same person," She looked at Ben like a student looking at the teacher to see if the answer is correct.

"I can’t tell you what to do…nor should I. Much of what you’re dealing with can only be answered by two people…you and Danny. He’s still your friend, and my only suggestion is that the two of you need to talk. You owe each other that much."

Linda walked over to her uncle and gave him a hug.

"Thank you," she said and kissed her favorite uncle on the cheek. "I think I have to go see a friend." She walked out the door and down the steps.

Feeling not so much confident in his counseling skills as relieved for the girl’s sake, Ben was nevertheless unable to continue his sage advice. Looking down at Rocco, he said,

"Now go ahead, lad, tell me about this cat-identity crisis you’re having."

 

Clarification

Rocco sat on the back deck, looking as disappointed as a bull terrier can look. He had misplaced his new favorite toy somewhere in the back yard. Perhaps boredom drove him to it, I cannot say, but he turned his attention to one of Ben's sneakers that sat by the back door, and was happily gnawing on it when Gina came home. Rather than scold the dog, Gina said with a smile,

"That's my boy...none of this cat stuff any longer, okay?"

"And here's my love, as pretty as ever was." Ben got up from the kitchen table and greeted his wife with a kiss.

"I wish our schools ran similar schedules. This week has been difficult enough with the kids getting ready for high school next year, but to find you lounging around like the idle rich?"

She laughed. Actually, she welcomed Ben's spring break, as it gave him time to think and pray about his and Gina's next time with Danny. They had been counseling him on their time because of Grace's financial situation, but more because they wanted to bless her and Danny as friends. Linda, Gina's niece, had come to them because of Danny's problems at school with his teammates and his uncle last spring, and they had helped him begin to overcome years of verbal abuse and shame from father and uncle, both of whom were now deceased. Danny made significant progress when he forgave both of them.

Another wrinkle to his problems arose when Grace had discovered him dressed in her clothes. She had suspected something like that was taking place, and while she displayed an immediate acceptance of her son, she nevertheless was troubled by the guilt and shame that accompanied his behavior. Ben's first-hand understanding came in the form of his sister Katie, who had been birthed from Ben's own experience with the abuse he experience from his own dad, who also verbally abused Ben's late mother. What complicated the issue further was that Linda, who had been developing a serious more-than-altruistic appreciation for Danny, had accidentally walked into Danny's house, finding him dressed in his mother's clothes. Ben and Gina felt responsible for the entire problem, not as in blame, but as the responsible adults who felt charged to help the parties discover understanding and acceptance.

"I think I'll 'beg out' of our next time with him," Gina said. He has never had any real 'guy' time, and he needs to see what a real guy looks like." She realized what she had said, and started to grin. "Well, at least what a real guy looks like...on most occasions." Ben and Danny spent the next afternoon watching an Irish Rugby league match on cable.

 

"Gina tells me you've found some other kids at school to help out at the program."

Linda had organized a visitation program at the children’s oncology ward at the local hospital. After months of visiting on her own, Linda was happy to receive help. First, Danny was "volunteered", but after a few visits, he was joined by a girl who was a junior exchange student from Taiwan. The girl in her host family had recently joined, and she brought along a girl and a boy from her church youth group.

"It's been great, Uncle Ben." Linda smiled, but her expression seemed forced, as if she was troubled underneath."

Never one to waste time, Ben asked,

"What's troublin' my favorite niece?"

"It's just....I can't stop thinking about..." Her eyes began to mist, and she turned away.

"What you saw?"

"Uncle Ben...can I ask you a question?" Linda said, while actually doing what she requested permission to do. "If Danny.....if Danny isn't...."

"Gay?"

"I'm sorry...I don't mean..."

"You want to know whether or not the young man you so obviously carry a torch for."

Linda looked at him, puzzled.

"Sorry...the boy you so obviously have fallen head over heels for...can return the affection? Is that about right?" He already knew. She told Gina, and Gina told him.

"Yes," she said, although it sounded more like "yeth," and looked more like "YES," despite Linda's attempts to hide her feelings.

"But I he does return the affection, then why in God's earth does the boy you like wear a dress?"

"Yes," she said, this time looking embarrassed.

"I can answer that question two ways, both of which are bound to disappoint you."

"Go ahead...I can take it," she said. She really could.

"First, even though a lot of people have written a lot of things about a boy and his dress, but most of them don't know what they're talking about, and those who do don't know everything. All that to say, there's no clear answer for each person.

"What's the second answer," Linda said, with more than a little dread in her voice."

"Linda, sweetheart...If you want to know why Danny wore a dress....you'll just have to ask him."

 

"A few days later, Danny sat in Ben and Gina’s kitchen, drinking coffee.

”Did you bring both cards?" Gina asked. Danny had told her about the two birthday cards his mother gave him. He reached into his backpack and produced two envelopes.

Gina read both cards and then placed them face down on the kitchen table. Linda had been over to talk to Ben earlier in the day, and had agreed to talk with Danny. Gina was glad that she had some time to talk with Danny first.

"What do you think she means?" Gina quickly changed her question. "Why do you think she put them in a particular order?" She looked down at the cards. Grace had given Danny the cards in one envelope, with "OPEN ME FIRST" on one card and "OPEN ME SECOND" on the other. "Think about what each card said in relation to the order.

"I don't know...I suppose the first card was more important?" Danny looked at Gina for approval.

"Is that what you think?" Gina asked, not as a correction, but as a way for Danny to clarify his response.

"I think she thought that." Danny said.

"And the first card said what? Remember what you told me the other day."

"I think Mom wanted me to know..." Danny began to turn red with embarrassment, as if he was telling a lie. "How proud she was of me...." He paused, hoping Gina would stop him.

"Go on, sweetie....she was proud of you because?"

"She said she was proud of the kind of person I have become." Danny still struggled with the content of both cards, but was having more difficulty accepting what his mother had said.

"Danny? What kind of person?"

"The kind of...man..?" He looked away and began to cry. He hoped he was right, but he was deathly afraid that he was wrong.

"Danny....she wanted you to know that she considers you her son...a son who is a man of integrity...of courage." Gina tried not to put any emotion in her voice, but her words were not coming from a medical professional....and that was okay. She was providing encouragement as a friend and a mentor.

"HH...how could she say that after what she saw...who she...saw?" Danny sobbed.

"Because deep down, that's how she sees you. You are a good boy...a good son, the son she loves."

"Buhhht...what about....the other card?"

Gina got up from the kitchen table and went to the counter. She poured some coffee for both of them and returned. The momentary pause helped Danny compose himself.

He wiped his face with a paper napkin and asked again, softly,

"What about the other card."

"Sweetie, I want you to think about what the first card said for a moment. Can you do that?"

"Sssh..sure." He took a gulp of coffee, looking for anything to give him the courage to face his fears.

"Remember what the first card said...what your mother said...what she thinks about you?"

"Yes....yes."

"Now let's look at the second card, okay?" Gina picked turned the second card over and slid it across the table to Danny. "Let's read what it says, okay?"

"Okay...."MMMMmmy....darling....daughter...."

"Go on, it's okay....what's it say next?"

"I am so proud of you." He paused as if he had just read something in another language, and was looking to Gina for translation."

"She's proud of you....go on."

"You bring joy to....me?" He stopped and looked at Gina.

"You bring joy to your mother....go on."

"Whhha...whatever you do...nothing can change...hhhaow...much I love you..."

"She loves you no matter what...go on." The next words would change Danny forever, since he read them the first time without remembering the first card.

"The two cards both say that your mother loves you...that she's proud of you...that she..." Gina pointed to the first card and then to the next line on the second. Danny read the next line,

"I love you like a daughter..."

"What do you think that means?"

"That she loves me?" He paused "Like a daughter." He looked at Gina for an explanation.

"Honey, she's not telling you that you are her daughter, only that she loves you...all of you...every part of you..."

Gina pointed to the first card. "She gave you the first card first to help you understand that your "second" part is only part of you." Gina hoped she was making sense. It's hard to explain someone else's intention or meaning.

"It's okay?" Danny asked permission.

"What's your name?" Gina asked suddenly.

"What?"

"What's your name?"

"Daniel Paul Argento. Why?"

"Who are you?"

"What?"

"Who are you?"

"Who...Daniel Argento?"

"What do you like to do?"

"What"

"What do you like to do? Do you like to read, watch movies, play baseball?"

"Sure, what's that got to do with anything?"

"Is your name Reader Argento? Is it Movie-watcher Argento?"

He looked at her, wondering where his answer would take him, but his fear and doubt seemed to be less imposing. "No,
it's Daniel...Danny Argento."

"Are you Student Argento; are you Visit-the-Kids Argento?"

"No, that's just stuff I do?"

"Are you a boy?"

"What?"

"Are you a boy?" Gina said it with emphasis.

"Yes!"

"What's your name?" She hoped she was on a roll.

"Danny Argento?"

"Do you like girls?"

"Yes." He almost got angry with her.

"Do you like girls?"

"Yes," he said, and this time angrily.

"Do you like Linda?"

"Yes." The word came out of his mouth before he realized what he had said.

"What's your name?"

"Danny. Danny Argento."

"Danny Argento," Gina said quietly. "He likes to read, watch movies, play baseball.

What he does. He likes to help people, he loves his mother and he likes girls. That's who he is." She reached over and grabbed his hand. "Sweetie, do you see why your mother wrote the cards in that order?"

Danny looked at her and back at the cards on the table. He thought of what the cards said and what they just talked about. He wiped his face again and looked at Gina. He wanted to say something, but he was afraid that if he was wrong....

"She wants.....me...to know...that I'm her....son." He paused, hoping the next words were right. He didn't know then, but he discovered eventually that there's no wrong answer. But his next words were just right for him.

"I'm her son...Danny." He paused to take inventory. "I play baseball, I read, I visit kids, I like girls (he actually saw Linda in his mind's eye when he said that) I love my mother....and?"

"And?" Gina said with a soft smile.

"And I like to wear dresses?"

Gina smiled with a broad smile, not at the "correct" answer, but that she saw on Danny's face; like the weight of the entire universe had been lifted from his shoulders and replaced by the reassuring hand of a friend.

"And you like to wear dresses." Gina said and smiled. "Just one more question for today, okay?"

"Okay," Danny said, expecting something painfully hard.

"May I get you another cup of coffee, Daniel Paul Argento?"