No more need be said,

Joanne

When we talked about this before, and you talked about how you felt, like the others here, all I could do was to offer my sympathies.

I suppose it is a hollow kind of comfort, such sympathy is, for it does not really change your situation.

And, like you said, even if, by some miracle, you could go through the transition, your present medical situation, yours and hers, would preclude it. But I suppose, all in all, that's the smaller problem - the bigger one is that, though you would like to come out, you fear how it will go.

Those of us unencumbered by family commitments and responsibilities may, perhaps, find it easier to follow through on these wishes, and, like you said, had this inner realization come to you earlier in life, maybe you would have also taken the leap that many here have.

All I can say is that, yes, so many things would have been possible in the past if what you know now you knew then. But then again, you wouldn't have had the benefit of her love, and the privilege of sharing that love with each other for so many years, and to have had the chance to have a family.

I myself envy you your love, for like many here, I'm afraid I will never be as lucky, especially given my own "special circumstances."

When you look back at the things that you wished had happened but never did, please also look back at those things that did happen: a love shared, a son, a wife, a family. From someone on the outside looking in, I think you've been pretty lucky, too. Points of views - people really have different points of view.

Yes, there are things that might not be possible - things that you dearly wish for, so much so that it breaks your heart. But look at your beloved sometime, and rejoice that she IS your beloved. Maybe that will be enough from stopping your heart from breaking.

I remember a hackneyed line that goes, "if wishes were fishes, then we'd all cast nets."

I am casting the net out for you, hoping to bring back a wish - a wish just for you.

With love,

   

To see Bobbie's stories in BCTS, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/14775/roberta-j-cabot
To see Bobbie's "Working Girl" blogs, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/19261/working-girl-blogs
To see ALL of Bobbie's blogposts, click this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/bobbie-c

And one I can understand completely.

My heart goes out to you, because for many years I knew the same anguish. It has only been in later life that I dared expose the other half of my life, and to my complete amazement have been accepted by my immediate family.

One is not always free to choose the path that one desires. When one takes on a partner, and then children, responsibilities are accepted even if not always recognised at first. I know that many here have to try and find an appropriate balance, not always the balance that one desires.

Another responder mentioned your medical 'issues'. When I first revealed my female self to my doctor, he asked me whether I thought that my suppression of her may have contributed to my Fibromyalgia (and other medical problems). I was surprised, it had never occurred to me that the tension inside of me might have affected me physically that way. That was one reason that I decided that I would have to bring her more into the daylight.

Two years on, progress had been p a i n f u l l y slow. Even so I can feel a huge positive difference within myself, but regrettably the Fibromyalgia hasn't changed. As everyone's physical circumstances are different, I wonder whether letting her see the light of day, even under restricted conditions away from the home, might prove beneficial to you. After all, you never know unless you try.

Penny