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by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

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Can't close my eyes
They're wide awake
Every hair on my body
Has got a thing for this place

Oh, empty my heart
I've got to make room
For this feeling
It's so much bigger than me

Maddie sat on a slight rise overlooking a pond. She looked up from her book at the sound of loons to her right, which added to the tranquility of the moment. To her left a meadow stretched out further up the rise to a small cottage. She smelled a waft of smoke from a chimney set in the middle of the roof. Only then did she notice the coolness of the air and that she had somehow misplaced her jacket.

“Oh well. Further up and further in,” she laughed to herself as she stood; quoting a line from the book in her hands.

“If only Lisa was here…” she said; breathing out a sigh. She reached the cottage and as she went to knock on the front door, it suddenly opened.

“Hi, Mads,” A familiar young lady said as she stepped out and welcomed Maddie into a hug.

“Lisa! You’re here! That’s wonderful.” Maddie said as she pulled back and eyed her best friend ever.

“I missed you so much,” Maddie said. Lisa smiled in reply, but said.

“I don’t miss you at all, Mads.” Maddie began to frown at Lisa’s words, but Lisa pulled her into another hug.

“I’m sorry. Mads, but it’s this place,” Lisa said as she used her arm in a broad gesture to point to their surroundings.

“It’s so beautiful. I never dreamed it could be so wonderful."

Maddie nodded at Lisa's words; reluctantly at first until she began to understand. But with that understanding, she also started feeling a bit uneasy.

“You look great,” Lisa said, flashing yet another smile at her best friend. To say that they might one day have been lovers was entirely correct, even if that love had barely begun to grown into fruition.

“You look awesome,” Maddie replied, but her words were accompanied by a growing sense of dread and confusion. Lisa noticed Maddie’s discomfort and spoke.

“Pretty neat, huh?” she pointed to her long, jet-black hair.

Maddie smiled, but the same confusion continued to jab her sharply, as if she was missing something.

“You….you’re prettier than I could ever remember.” Such a compliment should have been accompanied with a smile of her own, but Maddie’s eyes began to tear up.

“It’s this place, babe.” Lisa said; her ever-present grin growing even broader even as her own eyes mirrored Maddie’s

“It…it’s so nice…No, Leese. It’s…I can’t even take it in how beautiful it is. How beautiful everything is. How beautiful you are.”

Maddie went to hug Lisa, but her arms were deflected by a soft touch from the only person besides her mother she had ever loved.

“I’m sorry, Mads.” Lisa stepped away from the door and closed it behind her.

“You can’t be here.” It would have seemed almost abrupt and even cruel until Lisa's visage began to change.

“Wha…what’s going on Leese? What the…” Maddie pulled back in horror as Lisa’s face changed to drawn and pale. Her recently grown locks fell off her; replaced with a sparsely covered scalp.

“You have to see this. So you can understand. I’m sorry. I’m here.’ Lisa touched her chest before pointing to the closed door of the cottage.

“You’re there, babe,” she then pointed to behind Maddie. Instead of the verdant beauty of the meadow, the vista had been replaced with Maddie’s bedroom. The sound of the loons was lost amidst the loud shouts of frantic people.

“She’s coming around,” one very caring woman said in relief. Another woman nodded. Maddie looked up and saw a parting in the ceiling. Lisa Abramowitz began to fade, but she waved from above and spoke.

“It’s just not your time.” She changed once again into the pretty young lady from that other moment and place. Lisa had done what every fighter does. She fought bravely to survive, but in the end surrendered to the fate she had fought against but entered into the rest she had longed for.

And Maddie McKenzie…. Matthew David McKenzie looked over the shoulder of the nice, caring woman to see her mother weeping.

“Mom… Mommy,” Maddie gazed down at herself and cried.

“I’m…They… I didn’t…I can't keep climbing, Mommy, " she said as she raised her arm and covered her face' a gesture sadly mixed equally with shame and sadness.

“I...I know, Mads…It just hurts so much.”

“Excuse me, Ms…’

“Phyllis McKenzie. You have to know it wasn’t…please. She's tried so hard...”

Phyllis pleaded on behalf of her child. Moving halfway across the country was a remedy no one asked for and was barely successful. Leaving family and friends was difficult enough for her and her child. Coming to the realization that even once-safe places now offered less hope than promised was frustrating if not altogether discouraging. But for maddie to lose her best friend? Her only friend?

The kind woman smiled warmly at Phyllis even as her two companions transferred Maddie to a gurney.

“Some folks just don’t care so long as they feel they’re in the right.” She watched as the gurney disappeared through the bedroom door and out to the waiting ambulance.

“They’re exporting their hate here, and we’re seeing the fruit…the rotten fruit of their words.” She touched Phyllis’ arm.

“It’s hard enough for kids like yours without the ‘help’ people think they’re offering. And for some of these?" The woman glanced past the doorway.

“Hopeless and helpless. With people giving them a rude shove through a door they opened.” She blew out a frustrated breath.

“Follow us to the hospital. Thank god it wasn’t his…No, sorry. It wasn’t her time. Thank god you understand her.” She took Phyllis by the hand and drew her into a hug before they both walked out.

And above and beyond to somewhere else, Lisa Abramowitz smiled lovingly through relieved and happy tears.

It couldn't be any more beautiful
It couldn't be any more beautiful
I can't take it in
I can't take it in
I can't take it in
Whoa

Can’t Take It In
Words and music by the performer
Imogen Heap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzj2PdFYeRY