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Wanaque, New Jersey…
Connie looked out her bedroom window and sighed. Despite the forecast for fair skies, it had begun to rain,
“Honey?” She turned to find her mother standing in her bedroom doorway.
“What a wonderful day for a wedding!” Helena said, belying the downpour outside. She walked over and pulled up the spare chair as Connie sat down at her vanity. Connie stared at her reflection in the vanity mirror; as ironic an idea as anything in her life, or so she thought.
“I’m so glad you went with something new,” Helena laughed softly as she waved her hand at Connie’s wedding dress.
“You’d have been swimming in my gown,” she continued as she smiled at Connie’s image. Connie tried to smile, but barely managed a flat expression.
“Hey…why the pout, sweetie? This is the second best day of your life, and certainly mine as well.”
“Did you… were you this anxious, Mom?”
“Oh I think so…maybe? But that’s what we girls do on our wedding day.” Connie winced at the word ‘girls.’
“Hey… none of that…” There were so many layers of Connie’s fears that Helena barely knew where to start, but she smiled gamely and began.
“I’m so glad my brother is walking you down the aisle.”
“Me…Me too, Mom. But…”
“But what, honey?”
“Daddy called last week…You know?”
“Sandy talked him into coming with her and Beth.”
“He… I wasn’t going to ask him… but he made a point of saying...like he almost went out of his way to say he wouldn’t escort me.” Connie gasped and hit her knee hard with her right hand. Helena sidled closer but still sat facing their reflections. She nodded and looked slightly down.
“You hoped for so long…I know.” Helena looked away. There was nothing she could say at that point to repair the breach in the family since Joe had refused to budge.
“I’m… glad that Uncle Carlo is walking me down, Mom, but Daddy’s words hurt so much.” Connie shook her head as tears began to well in her eyes.
“Like getting…” Helena paused. While she wanted her response to be solely about her daughter’s hurt, their shared disappointment seemed to insert itself so often, and she used ‘the’ word.
“Like getting abandoned all over again.”
“It’s my fault, Mom. Mine.”
“Honey…he left me a long time ago…he just took a lot longer to move out of the house.
“I…Sandy was so sweet. The next day she called and was crying on the phone, like it’s her fault.”
“She is such a nice person...” Helena said.
"I'm really glad she and Beth are in your life."
“She actually asked me if I wanted Daddy to stay away.”
“But you needed to extend the offer.” Whatever Joe decided; to come or to stay away would barely make a difference after nearly sixteen years of indifference.
“He wanted his son…He said it again.” She looked down, almost feeling guilty for being who she was.
“But you were never his son, baby. You were and still are his daughter. I’m sorry he refuses to listen to you…to listen to your heart.” As if to emphasize her words, Helena patted her own chest.
“Sandy wasn’t upset with him being on the fence. She just knew he’d made the call that close to the wedding knowing how hurtful it would be.
“I am sorry she married your father, but I’m not angry at her at all. We were already divorced by the time he found her and Beth. I know things are way better for her and Beth than they were for you and me, but I stopped being jealous when I realized that Sandy at least has been such a good step-mom, and you got a sister in the deal.
“It’s okay for Beth to be my Maid of Honor, then?
“Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Why does he hate me so much, Mommy?” That endearment almost slipped out in a way, since Connie did not want to be so vulnerable on her wedding day.
“I don’t know. I know at least that he is more in love with himself than he has ever been with all of us? Oh you know what I mean. What he wants he wants,” she paused.
“I suppose there’s no real reason other than he sees himself as less of a father…”
“It is my fault, Mom…” Connie began to weep.
“Shhh,” Helena pleaded for her daughter’s happiness in a way. She wasn’t silencing that sad lament so much as trying to release Connie from a burden she should have never borne; especially on such a precious occasion.
“I know it’s sad right now, but in just a few short hours, you’ll be sitting at a table in front of all your friends with you new bride next to you and such a bright future.”
“I Love you, Mom.” Connie blinked back tears; but was somehow filled with a peace that it somewhere says makes no sense at all.
“I love you, too, my precious girl.” Connie felt a soft touch on her chest as she heard the words,
“Eisai I kardia mou.*” Connie turned as the soft caress of a kiss blessed her cheek….
“Connie? Connie?”
“Wha..what?” she turned to her left.”
“You must have dozed off.” Meimei pulled her new bride into a hasty kiss before pointing out the window of the limo to a beautiful rainbow that spanned the sky. Connie nodded but shook just a bit.
“She…” Connie patted her heart in the same place where she felt the touch that blessed her even as tears fell freely from both their faces.
“I know…I felt it too.” Meimei sidled over and placed her right hand over Connie's heart and did the same with Connie's hand to cover her own heart.”
“Anata wa watashi no kokorodearu.*”
“She’s here, sweetie. She’s here…” Meimei said and pulled her new bride closer before looking up to mouth the simple words, ‘Thank you. “
*both expressions, Eisai I kardia mou (Greek) and Anata wa watashi no kokorodearu (Japanese) mean 'You are my heart'
The Days Between
From the Motion Picture Step Mom
Composed by John Williams
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Comments
NADA, Zip
Nothing there except some dude playing the guitar.
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.” - Turkish Proverb
So very touching. It would be
So very touching. It would be very hard not to have the love of your father at such a time.
Hugs!
Rosemary
“She’s here, sweetie. She’s here…”
lovely as always, Drea. Thank you for sharing it with us
Intercultural
Greek, Japanese and in America, with a dash of Italian too? Add a soupcon of same-sex marriage and the difficulties become clear. The rainbow was a very necessary blessing.
Simplicity
Simplicity, sorrow and succinct. Another well crafted short telling of a very long story. Remember the six word novel challenge from decades past? I worked on this for a bit. It's not very good.
Abandoned child.
Bride was never son.
As always I'll be looking forward to your next work.
Your friend
Crash
Hmmm...
For the short time I had him (may his soul not wander), he always saw me as his 'second daughter'. I think he would have been proud of what, where, and who I am. Just don't get me started on 'mommy issues'!!! Yet another thought provoking little tale. STOP PROVKING ME DREA!!! (just kidding...)
Ur Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrat
At least she matters
I couldn't help comparing the protagonist's family situation with my own.
I found myself envying Connie. My own family -- parents, siblings -- have never been nasty about anything in my life. But they've never shown much interest, either. They go through the motions -- if I reach out to them -- but only because it's easier than overtly rejecting me.
Connie's family cares. Even her father -- he wouldn't go to all the trouble to make her miserable if she didn't matter to him.
Indifference leads you to feel like you don't exist.
I'll have to disagree just this once
My father was abusive to all of us kids growing up. I would much rather he had been indifferent. After being raped along with my sister, I dare say he didn't care for us so much as care about what he could DO to us. Connie's father doesn't care FOR her. He only care for the opportunity to hurt her. She only longs for acceptance and love, but he returns it every time with cruelty. Others may find their circumstance quite different from hers and even mine. It doesn't mean they are wrong and we are right - we just grew up in different circumstances.
Love, Andrea Lena
I would have much rather been ignored by my stepfather
which is why I avoided him whenever I could
Abuse? Indifference? Mew theyre both so lovely I couldnt choose
Indifference leads you to feel like you don't exist...
Abuse makes you feel like your whole existence is a hideous mistake...
And the combination of indifferent contempt (like it wasn't worth the effort to hate me) that I got from my dad while my mom seemed to be loving some weirdly infantilized image of me in her head while never seeing or hearing the real me (I could come out as gay or as trans and somewhere between my mouth and her brain what I said just wouldn't get recorded; maybe it was the valium they had her on but it got worse with the years, and when she died it felt like I'd already lost her years before; so that I still haven't cried over it) makes me feel like Schrodinger's Cat...
MeW! i'M So c0nFuZeDd!!!!
And there's a lot that passes all my understanding, not just the peace of God (nice way to allude to that passage btw...). But I think at least I understand what happened in this story. Helena hadn't lived to to see her daughter get married, but came to her in a vision afterward, letting her know she had been there anyway?
The rainbow seemed to confirm that she had, and to promise beautiful things ahead for the happy couple. Mazorotabo! as they say in Japan...
~hugs, Veronica
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.