Three Girls Book Four Chapter Nineteen Angel in the Morning by Andrea Lena DiMaggio Baby mine, don't you cry Baby mine, dry your eyes Rest your head close to my heart Never to part, baby of mine

Previously...

“Emily told me that you….you…she asked and you said you couldn’t. Of course I know. I…I think it was never meant to be…we were all like best friends, even though you were…my brother at the time…Emily was like a third sister, and I fooled myself into thinking it could have been anything else. I’m so sorry you’ve carried that pain all this time. And now…I’m so afraid I’ll lose this…lose you….” She pulled Terri over and they hugged once again. Danni wept hard enough that for a moment, no sound emitted from her; the grief of anticipated loss can cripple. Terri went to pull away and Danni gripped her arm almost hard enough to bruise.

One morning a few days later at the Seminary....

“Hey, Danni?” Nina looked up and saw the girl sitting patiently on the sofa across from her desk; patiently yet nervous as a younger appearing man sat beside her.

“You should just speak up, hon. Terri had to run to the doc…and before you start, she said not to worry. Some blood test results that seem to be promising. She says she’ll see you at home this evening, and don’t worry about dinner. That new Vietnamese restaurant in Cicero?”

“Oh…okay. I just wanted to talk to her. I guess I will see her at home, though.” Danni put her head down but noticed the young man sitting beside her seemed to be staring. She looked over at him with a glare that almost screamed, “So what do YOU want?” He answered her glare.

“I’m sorry for staring. You’ve got to be Terri’s sister, right? I can see the resemblance.” The man smiled, but Danni was in a particularly bad mood and took it the wrong way.

“Yeah, so…what of it? I guess you’ve never seen two transsexuals in the same family, huh? Welcome to the circus.”

“Wait…whoa…hold the phone, girl! I didn’t mean it that way. You bear a very strong resemblance to your sister….your eyes and your smile…Well; I guess your smile since it just went away! I’m sorry for staring, please.”

“Oh, damn it…I’m so sorry. I…I’m having a real bad day, and I just ….well, I’m the one who should be sorry. Please forgive me.” Danni shrugged her shoulders but turned away.

“That’s okay. I guess we all are allowed to have bad days. I know I’ve had my share, and my wife could have told you plenty about my behavior. Let’s start again, okay? I’m Rich Metheny. I work here.”

“Don’t let him fool you, hon. He doesn’t just work here…he’s the head of the Outreach Program for the whole school.” Nina said.

“You’re the head of the program? Aren’t you a little young for that?” Danni looked at him askance; the man appeared no older than mid-twenties, with an almost girlish face.

“He’s over thirty and he holds a Doctorate in Ministry as well as a PhD and PsyD from Columbia. Very smart!” Nina interrupted once again. She laughed softly and shook her head before returning her attention to the monitor on her desk.

“Guilty as charged, Miss. It was a real pain in seminary, especially when it was dress down day; I kept getting mistaken for one of the undergrads. It’s how I met my wife, actually. She wanted help finding the girl’s dormitory and when I walked her over there she asked me which room I had; maybe we could room together.” Danni’s eyes widened.

“We did end up rooming together,” he said with a laugh. “Just took a few years and a ring.” At the mention of the word, ‘ring,’ Danni looked down at his hand and noticed that it bore no wedding band. And he noticed that she noticed.

“Laurie passed two years ago…” His voice trailed off except for a deep sigh.

“I’m so sorry. She must have been someone really special,” Danni said, wondering why she felt that way.

“She was…” Nothing more, again his voice trailing off.

“I understand you’re a violinist….a virtuoso, from what Terri tells me.”

“I suppose,” Danni shrugged her shoulders.

“Not terribly enthusiastic….something upsetting you?” Rich half-frowned in sympathy. Danni needed to talk, and he was willing to listen…it’s what he did and who he was.

“I’m sorry to bother you…it’s really nothing.”

“For something that’s nothing it seems awfully substantial. You look disappointed.” She was, and she nodded reluctantly in agreement.

“I thought I’d had first chair sewn up, but they decided to give it to some other girl.”

“Here’s where someone might encourage you that you’d be the best second chair. I even bet someone already said that, right?” Rich tilted his head.

“Yeah…and….” Danni turned away.

“Losing something you’ve worked hard for doesn’t feel better with just words. I’m sorry you didn’t get what you want. I’m sure you’ve worked very hard for it, and it’s a major disappointment.” Danni nodded. She felt too vulnerable with a complete stranger reading her the way he did. She thought he was through, but he continued.

“And from the look on your face, it’s not the only disappointment you’re dealing with.” It was too much, and Danni stood up.

“Listen…it’s been good talking to you. Thanks for listening, but I’ve got to run.” She did have to run, but she had nowhere to run except from the man who had made her feel entirely welcomed and uncomfortable at the same time. She smiled once and quickly walked out of the office.

That evening at the Davies' apartment...

Little one when you play
Don't you mind what you say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine
If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you

“Mom…it hurts…so bad.” Danni lay on her bed; the last picture of her mother lay on the pillow beside her.

“Why didn’t you say something? I wish you and Dad were still here. You always knew what to say to make it all better.” She sniffled a bit and rolled on her stomach, putting her head on the pillow next to the picture. She heard a sound at the doorway and looked up to find Terri standing there.

“She knew what to say because she knew us. I think if she had more time, she would have said something to us, but she was in so much pain. The letter she wrote was as much as she could handle, and I think at the end she really felt sorry. You remember what she said?”

“’I’m so sorry for leaving you two alone,’ like it was her fault Daddy died in the accident. I never understood.

I was going thru some stuff and found the letter she wrote…let me read it, but think about it in light of what you just said.

My dear son…
There’s something I need to tell you, and it hurts that I didn’t speak sooner. I really thought I had more time.”
“There’s something you need to know about your brother. Cam is special. You know I think you’re special, too, Trev, but you need to know that he has a secret. A secret that I know about. That I’ve known about since he was little. And I am so sorry for both of your sakes that I didn’t say anything, because it’s really a good thing. And I never told him.

Cammy…I know. I’ve always known. Your Daddy loved you very much, but I don’t think he would have understood. I know about the times you’d sneak into my closet. I know about the things that went missing or were in disarray. You can’t fool someone like me; we’re both sort of obsessive, but even when you tried, I could always tell when things were disturbed. But I also know about the web-searches. The search for knowledge about who you are. The long nights on the computer when you’d fall asleep and I’d just click off so you wouldn’t be worried.

Your brother will know after this letter. All I want is for both of you to be happy. I love you both...Mom

“I get that she knew about me…but I’m not following you.”

“I never said a word to Mom, but she said she was sorry for both our sakes. Not just because I needed to know about you, but she knew about me all along. She wanted to share that with you, but I wouldn’t let her…I was too scared, and look what it did to us. I am so sorry, Danni…. please….please forgive me.”

“Oh…damn it, Terri…how can I get angry…you…you’re….I’m so scared you’re going to leave me…now that we’ve gotten to know who we are? Finally having a life. It just doesn’t seem fair.” Danni sat up and motioned for her sister to come over. Terri sat on the bed and they hugged. Terri winced from the simple act of an embrace; her pain threshold was still fairly high, but she had been having a particularly bad day with her Lupus.

“Oh, fuck….sorry….” Danni rarely swore, and the simple embarrassment of the profanity, coupled with her sister’s grimace sent her over the edge as she started weeping hysterically.

“Dan….Danni…it’s okay…I’m alright. I’ll be okay.”

“Damn it, Terri…you don’t know that. I don’t want you to die…Please tell me …promise me you’ll stick around….please.” Danni knew it was almost silly to ask, since Terri had no way of knowing how long she had. But she spoke anyway.

“I promise that I will try to be as strong as I can for as long as possible, but you’ve got to help me. I need you to be strong for both of us as well, okay?” Danni wiped her face with her sleeve and nodded.

“Why does it hurt so much? Mom and Dad gone and I feel like you’re slipping away fast….and with Emily gone; I don’t have anybody who cares like you. Nobody ever cared for me like Em, and now….”

“What?” Terri knew that Emily was likely not going to return, with her commitment to caring for her mother, but Danni’s face hinted at something even more permanent.

“She…she’s found someone.” Danni shook her head. She and Terri had already settled their heretofore unknown rivalry for their best friend, but even at that, she felt a loss like nothing she’d ever known.

“I sort of expected that after her last letter to us…the nurse from the hospice agency and she hit it off like old friends, and you know how loving and caring Em is, hon. She’s all the way across the country and we’re here.” The explanation made sense, but did nothing to change Danni’s feelings.

“I know…and I understand and I’m even happy for her; she deserves the best! But it still hurts, Ter…it hurts.” She put her head on her sister’s shoulder and began to cry once again. Terri felt so helpless to comfort her; she had a hard time up until recently believing she would ever feel that way again…able to want for affection herself, but recent events began to pull down defenses and build a new welcoming atrium of sorts in her own heart.

“It’ll get better. That I know for a fact, and I promise I’ll be here to see it happen for you, hon….okay?”

Danni nodded but the smile on Terri’s face acted opposite to her intent and Danni fell into her sister’s arms and cried once again. Disappointment doesn’t back away with any promises, and only seems to dissipate as things get better. Terri prayed for both their sakes that it would be soon, since even as she promised, the pain of the day reminded her that things for her own sake were getting worse and fast.

Little one when you play
Don't you mind what you say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine
If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you
From your head to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows
But you're so precious to me
Cute as can be, baby of mine

Next: A Meeting of the Hearts - Book Five

Baby Mine
From the Movie Dumbo
Words and Music by
Frank Church and Oliver Wallace
As sung by Miss Alison Krauss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzoZnivlLhw&feature=related