CHAPTER 53
I spent a long while taking all of that apart, for while I had no doubts at all, Elen’s revelations had rippled that millpond of certainty.

In some ways, I suppose, our time living as a couple had raised a few issues. For starters, we didn’t always agree, whether it be on meal plans or which film we might choose for an evening out. My dreams as a girl had been pretty conventional, where a person of unspecified gender would arrive, white horses, happily ever after, et cetera, that gender clarifying in my mind as I moved from fairy stories to puberty.

Chapter Four

On the Monday we worked together song writing. As we worked it became even more of a collaboration. We thought as one, me now being able to write the music score. We went back to the ones we had written already for guitar and piano and wrote out the scores for the rest of the band. I could hear the tunes in my mind, played by the five of us.

Negative emotions, I was trying to hide you all my life.
Pretending you don't exist which caused pain that could sting like a rusty, big knife.
Pain deep inside that I denied to let myself feel
What was the appeal? Which way did I feel?
Seeming happy on the outside that's what seemed important

But it was just an illusion, it was just for show
So people wouldn't know
How I really feel inside
But that is something I cannot hide
No matter how hard I tried
It hit me in the face
Where was the right place?

Somi knew when he could no longer fulfil his duties he would be euthanised. His unguarded saw had bitten him thrice over the years, but not badly enough for him to have been euthanised. The last time had cost him a finger, but since he had carried on working nothing had been said by his supervisor and he’d been allowed to live.

When he came to the conclusion that something powerful was preventing him from seeing himself he lost heart and tried to stop dreaming. Yet the dreams kept coming during the day, especially the dreams of the young women. It was in despair that he realised sooner or later they would distract him from his work and would cost him a hand and that would be his end.

Well behind schedule, the column reached the city of Kodor early in the morning, with frost still on the grass. The dead city looked far different than it had when Keir had last visited it over three hundred years ago.