Well, what the hell.

When I wrote God Bless the Child way back in 2002 my goal was to write a mainstream story that gave some insight to the plight of a transsexual. The story, which few would doubt is gripping, reads like a Lifetime- made for tv (good pun)- movie (still waiting on the deal).

Hits & Kudos & things have been my guide about whether or not stories I posted were OK or rubbish or not so bad.

How do I put a title to this?

I know a person who is having difficulty. She says quite often " I can't be ..."

Well, this morning I was getting ready for church, and decided to try a LBD (That's a little black dress, dont you know).

This was originally intended to be a comment on a comment on a recent blog entry, but I was rambling and going WAY off topic, so here it is on its own.

I spent some time talking with my pastor today, talking about being trans, being a survivor of sexual abuse, where I am now, and my desire to find a way to give back to others for all the help I have been given.

A coupe of interesting things came out of it; first, she wanted to re-assure me that from the first time she met me she found I "radiated a feminine energy" so she had no doubt that I am a girl.

Transgender Home Coming Queen Makes History

The epiphany, the moment of mental clarity that allows one to cross the line that separates what could be or should be and accept what is.

The tour of Britain came to my area today.

I went out on the bike (not the pedal type) and saw them at three places.

When should we leave well alone?

Yesterday I got interviewed on Transition TV on the NotStr8 television station (now available on Roku). I will post the link as soon as I get it. After the show goes live, they edit and then post a cleaner version.

Being interviewed was quite interesting. Part of me wonders if I am playing make believe with some of the stuff that's been happening in my life. I feel I backdoored my way into the interview, but I guess I'm okay with that.

Okay I have been searching for ages for a story.

Setting: boys boarding school
Character: Unsure of Tom possible Tammy/Tamara

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder what it's like to have someone "special." Someone to come home to, or someone who would come home to me.

I have been exchanging PM's with another author who thinks that expressed Rage can have a strong role in stories. His assertions have caused me to be quite thoughtful about the concept.

So shit hit the fan today.

Amy's parents basically told her that I don't care for her, that I'm not welcome as Family any more, and that she will probably be cut off from her family if she doesn't leave me.

And by leave me, I mean they gave her a deadline of next saturday (2 days after the amniocentesis).

Yesterday I found out on facebook that another trans woman had committed suicide, after I sent my prayers for her family and friends, all I could think of was "That could have been me." See, I'm in the 41 percent of trans people who have made an attempt on their own life, and it can only be described as a miracle that I am still here.

And that would suck, because then I would have missed out on all the amazing things that have started to happen since I started transitioning, and I would have caused grief and pain to the people I love for no good reason.

Like many people here I'm on a quest... Not really a quest for gold or fabulous treasure, but I think perhaps a more mundane one. I'm looking to improve my writing skills. Every story I write I learn something new and I'd like to keep this trend going, but I've hit a bit of a snag. One of my biggest weaknesses is that I lack a complete grasp on grammar. Virtually Twisted was my first foray into the world of TG and also the first yarn I'd written in quite a while. Something I think was painfully obvious when I first posted it.

One of the catwalk models at London Fashion Week has her GRS tomorrow. Here is the link:

Rachel76m need to reset her writing strategy.

Celebrate by dropping in on someone unexpectedly.

And remember, minds are like parachutes; they function only when open.

Nancy Cole

Hi

I added links to the bottom of my Halloween contest entry for the other stories in the "universe," if you will, of Henry Harrelson's Custom Fit Boots, in case anybody is interested in reading the other stories set there.

We're halfway through September and have half of our goal received for August. All gifts are appreciated and the money is being spent to either pay our ongoing hosting related bills, pay down debts accrued in keeping the site running for the last 14 years or pay Piper enough that she can forego other paying jobs to keep BC and related sites functioning. Some goes into the Server Fund intended to upgrade our hardware next year and what little is left over I probably spend on comic books and In-N-Out burgers. :) I also share donations received with other TS/TG sites and causes.

So far this Holy day season my rabbi concentrated on the idea "I AM my brother's keeper." I was thinking that I know three here who have unknowingly demonstrated to me that quality: Holly Hart, Penny Cardin and Gwen Brown. Among those mentioned by the rabbi was how four chaplains of the doomed WWII transport ship the Dorset gave up their life jackets and other items so that other soldiers could live. He also mentioned Mother Teresa who founded and maintained a hospital in one of the worse slums in the world, yet had a crisis of faith.

What or how do you work past an issue that makes you uncomfortable. It sounds trivial but for the life of me I cannot seem to, or want to, write scenes that can affect a childs' relationship with his/her parent. I can envision it but I'm unable to put it to paper. I've known several people that have had a poor relationship with theirs but mine was never like that. Its like a stumbling block for when I have to write it. It's essential to the story so there's no way for me to skirt around the issue. Unless the parent is a total bitch (which she is not) I cannot write it.

Here is another poem from Kylie:

I could say I love you as much as the sun is bright
But it is much too dim

I could say I love you as much as the winter is cold
But is much too warm

So a few things have happened over the last few days that I have found.....unbelievable in my mind. And being unable to physically voice them just puts the nail in the coffin, so to speak.

When Dorothy wrote about a recently-resurfaced memory of hers, in which she shows off a dress to her mother, I assumed I had nothing that was even remotely comparable from my own childhood. Now I'm not so sure.

Here I am again, indulging in my usual late night indulgence of listening to music which transports me. Tonight it's Fleetwood Mac and the particular song that got to me tonight is "Go Your Own Way", probably my fave song by this group, written and sung by Lindsey Buckingham (with chorus by Stevie Nicks) when Lindsey found out that Stevie was having it away with Mick.

Listen to the pain,

Joanne

Don't know if anyone is looking for a real-life inspiration for a story, but I was just reading a Wikipedia article about an anti-baldness drug, and in the discussion of its discovery/development was this sentence:

"In 1974, Julianne Imperato-McGinley of Cornell Medical College in New York attended a conference on birth defects. She reported on a group of intersex children in the Caribbean who appeared sexually ambiguous at birth, and were initially raised as girls, but then grew external male genitalia and other masculine characteristic post-onset of puberty. "

I have a question.

Feeling very down regarding making my faith fit my need to transition. In fact, I'm feeling pretty down generally.

Doesnt matter. Got to keep going regardless.

So as you may remember, I got a new job at the end of July and started on the 30th of that month. Well about 2 weeks ago, they told us that we had to do an orientation thing, where they could tell us all about our job, show us where everything is and stuff like that. Like I haven't learned where all the stuff I need is at after a month there.

Ten Years.

Last week I announced that two of my Kindle eBooks will be available for free downloads; they're available tomorrow, Friday and Saturday! Many of you have been kind and purchased these already, but newcomers may find them a free introduction to my writing, as well as my stories here on BCTS.

Role of a Lifetime is about a middle-school boy who is cast in a TV pilot, where he must play the son of a family on the run, but disguised as a girl. And things happen ...

It will be available for free Friday and Saturday, September 13-14.

There was a funeral procession that passed though my home town today. It was for a fallen Soldier that lived in Connecticut. He was flown to Stewart airport National Guard base in Orange county, N.Y. All along the procession route at the various overpasses, located within my Fire District's coverage area we positioned a Fire truck and Emergency service personal to pay tribute to the fallen Soldier as the procession passed. I thought this was a very fitting thing to do and was proud to be a part of it.

I have a psychological question for you all.

Why would I want to scare myself right now?

Where else I ask!!!?

In most towns, mummy takes toddler down to the park lake to feed the ducks.

Not in my kinda' town. Nah, Mam takes Blodwen and Dai up the mountain to feed the sheep!

I know many of us think about gender roles and physiology. Here's a story about an interesting study which looks at how the size of a man's testicles might affect how he relates to his children.

This is a good day, kind of. I am no longer in the writing phase of my next novel. I wrapped up the first draft earlier to day of "Unreachable"" (I dropped the word "The" from the beginning). and now I am onto the tedious part of editing. The book is 240k words long, so a bunch is going to be cut off to get it to a respectable length. I overdid the beginning and I think I can lose that without hurting the story.

So it doesnt seem like their puppets or peole just in a play at the moment. That they seem like real people that could live next door to you with a life. How do you do that

For about the past three weeks, or perhaps a little longer, I've had a mild sore throat. Symptoms: slight discomfort there, perpetual taste of old milk, intestinal bloating on account of the gunge draining down, resulting nausea and so on.

Last week I decided it had gone on long enough and went to the doctor. Cue loads of tests and a completely unexpected finding.

well, its official. I am scared of my own brain.

I was waiting to pick up my ex at her work, and as sometimes happens, I began to nap.

I've been thinking of writing a story around the following idea: A seemingly normal teen guy is in the closet about liking guys, and one day at a camp or a sleepover a horny gay teen seduces him and tops him. Over the next couple of months, the protagonist's body changes in unexpected ways - breast growth, swollen belly and he gets morning sickness. Eventually a doctor diagnoses him as pregnant. He's shocked to discover part of him is actually pleased. He keeps the baby and his body keeps changing. At the end of the story, s/he's nursing the baby.

So... I might just be getting a boyfriend soon...

I know! I can't believe it!

Anyways... He doesn't... At least, probably not... know about my past yet.

I didn't know where to Post this so I Decided to post as a BLOG Entry.

has now actually updated at my site!

You can read the first part of Nena's holiday report report complete with some enlargeable pics!

http://www.maddybell.com/page600.htm

ttfn

Mads