I am killing myself. I didn't mistype that and I don't think I'm being melodramatic. I am slowly and certainly killing myself and the truth is, I'm not that far away from succeeding. I think I decided sometime that I really have nothing left to live for so why even bother going on. Thing is, life has changed for me, and this time for the better, but my mind and body hasn't gotten the message.

My Favorite Movies, which have often been a type of cinematic therapy.

in descending order:

1. Charade, with Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant;

Halfway through the service at church today I got asked if I would mind helping pass around the collection plate. I was honored they would trust me, and grateful for an opportunity to contribute.

There is something standing in the way of me truly being happy and that is my fear, or phobia, of happiness.

I'm back from holiday and will resume posting soon. I have a sick neighbour to nurse.

It's probably just a coincidence. But I'd like to think this is a nudge-nudge wink-wink from Teddi. Hey, you never know, right?

Which involved some walking there and back, plus a bike ride this morning against a strong wind. So, I'm just starting to scribble tonight's Bike, if I can stay awake.

I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamed I was staying over at my friend, Tracy's house and trying on clothes. I was wearing a pretty pink dress and looking at myself. I was a teenage girl! I looked just like I would have if I had been born genetically female. It felt like an alternate universe type of thing, but it was so nice! In the dream, I also had a conversation with her mother and she was treating me as I was another daughter and it felt wonderful!

In BB: Heroes, I obviously screwed up conveying the message I intended. Comments, both here and on another site, are either love/hate, and the comments I've received privately indicate an extremely strong dislike for the story.

Shown without comment:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/12/nicole-maines_n_342...

shalimar

In answer to all those who have asked me to publish in any other format other than Kindle. I have now taken steps to publish in ePub format direct onto KOBO. Incidentally, the system is as easy as the Amazon Kindle publishing site, so I will try to get all my books onto KOBO soon.

Did you ever stop to think that there's no possessive form of That? There is, on the other hand, a possessive case of who.

That's what it says on my author page. Has it been that long? I suppose it has given the number of stories posted although my rate has decreased. I've had personal issues that has arisen. That's why I have to apologize for not responding to comments as well as I used too. Believe me I cherish each one, but just trying to keep writing is taking all of my energies.

So just so it is said a very big thank you to everyone who comment on "Who do that Hoodoo," "Rising of the Queen," and "Waking the Dreamer."

Well, Jaci phoned me today, and she's doing okay. She's had her surgery, and other than being in pain, she's in good spirits, and Ruth is there helping her out.

(Dottie does a happy dance.....)

Woke up to dingy stained ceiling tiles.
First, they had pumped me out.
Then, they chewed me out.
Then, they threw me out.

Right back to where I had started.
A rudderless ship.

is now available through Lulu!

Book http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/gaby---wunderkind...
Digital http://www.lulu.com/content/e-book/gaby---wunderkind-part-2/...

Irrational fears. We listen to them all the time, they are fears we cant get past. Fears that keep us back afraid, fears that have the power to paralyze us from acting. These fears kept me in hiding for thirty-three years. I was so afraid that my world would come crumbling down I hid, terrified of loss.

Hello everyone!

So, I had a meeting this morning with the Diversity folk up at OHSU that seemed relatively fruitful, though along the way, I started to feel somewhat like the FtM folk are doing all the talking, and the MtF folk are strangely silent.

Then she suggested that I get in touch with a group called Transactive.org, she, thinking that I would make a great volunteer there. On their web site, they spend a lot of time talking about "binders", but no time talking about male GRS.

I almost feel like they have literally taken over. I wonder why more MtFs are not being heard from?

Bet you thought I'd crawled into a hole or something. In truth, it was all Star Wars fault. I never realized how engrossing MMORPGS could be but now I'm back. I just finished writing Ch. 2 of I Bump Back and hope to have it posted within the day. I just thought I'd drop a line here to let everyone know that I haven't abandoned my writing duties lol.

The writing bug hit again, and this time, it demands a band - so my problem is that I need a good name for a fictitious band. Nothing real, but cool-sounding name. I hereby open the floor to suggestions. Winner gets - (drum roll please) - credit in the story. Sorry, but my bank account won't go for cash prizes.

A week or two back I stated I had to leave for personal reasons. Well it seems I'm not gone.

Soooo, In an addition to my last blog, good news actually happened. My Therapist sent me an email awhile back that she forwarded from a couple of Transwomen in my area trying to set up a transwomen support group for ages 17-35. I thought I'd give it a try, extend an olive branch so to speak to help get their group off the ground and once again get a support group after Smyrc dropped me for being too old. After a few tries of getting to the group and failing, They invited me to hang out with them. Extending the olive branch back to me. I will admit, I was a bit nervous.

Where do I belong?

My body says that I'm a man. my heart, mind and soul tell me that I'm a woman.

She Kicked Jasmine out this morning when she found out that Jas still wanted to wear skirts. Pushed her out the door without er purse and refused to give it to Jas. SHe got s neighbor to let her use the phone, I arranged a room for her and she wants to come home so We plan on going to get her.

My Aunt, and Dr Ugenni(OB) stopped n, she took blood, and said I was healthy, and the girls are too. My last marked period was 9 weks ago so I am either pregnant or just forgetful to have recorded it, but nother 3 Home checks said positive so starting to believe that I am.

This is important news from our brothers and sisters in Greece. This needs to be spread widely.

In this case the mispronunciation defines the creature better:

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/44785/my-side-stories-i-n...

Hi everyone, I'd like some reader feedback. I didn't want to do it but I started another new story. Here's the premiss, a young boy has freakishly long eye lashes and becomes a spokes person for a cosmetics firm. I know where the story is going but I wonder what you readers would like for an ending? Should the boy transition or remain a boy? I'm having a hard time, well not that hard, trying to decide which way to go, boy or girl, actually man or woman. I've already started writing the story and it won't be hard to make it go either direction, let me know.

What happened was that a long time ago someone on this site told me they had xbox live as well so I invited them to play with me and my friends. Things were normal for a while, one of my best friends has 2 friends he grew up with that don't like me because of my aspergers. Well I invited this person to join me and my friend Justin. Well since Justin's friends mike and Justin didn't like me I understood Justin not inviting me to the group but not the person on this site.

I found a interesting interactive site while reading the news on the web. Its from NC State University and it's a survey of dialect and usage from around the united states. there are 122 different surveys, about half of them are how words are pronounced and half are what kind of word or expression are used, like Coke, pop, or soda. It is all shown on a map with shads of color matching the degree in which it is used. The maps have a composite view and a individual view.

Well, Jaci is on her way to Montreal to have her surgery done. If you feel so inclined, could you spare a moment to say a prayer or send some positive vibes on her behalf?

So, here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember when you tried to-

I've been on a 3 day install. Came home to an empty house. Note said they were going to Reno to see a friend in in concert, then to grammies house tillschool starts. Got a call from Brenda, Jas's assistant asking were to ship the computers. Seems Jas is closing her practice. Guess I am done, this nymph is woll find some other site. Thank you allfor. The love you have shared

Goddess Bless You. All

Love Desiree

A few weeks ago I posted a blog about my pussycat Madeline. I was almost doing it daily and didn't have the heart to keep on disappointing people day after day. For a month it looked like there was nothing left to do but to put her down. The medicine I was given didn't work and all she did was stay on the bed, immobile for hours on end unless I brought her to her food, which she barely touched.

Interesting Medical Finding. We read and write about it... and it really happens.

We've been here in France a month and so far we haven't killed each other, so things must be going well, even if not the way we'd hoped or anticipated.

Earlier this year, I posted a story about the local high school electing a girl as Prom King. The local paper has an interview with her. Prom King

For the curious, here is a link to a Youtube copy of the first episode of "Shezow", the cartoon about a boy who becomes a girl superhero.

OOPs, I put some art that has been sitting on my computer for a long time on my Facebook page and it so magnified it that I now see that what I thought was a belt buckle was actually a Copyright mark. My eyesight is not wonderful.

So, I'm trying to find a way to contact FB about it to take it down, so if anyone can help me with that ????

If anyone knows M. C Krauss, please extend my apologies.

Sorry

Gwen

Former Navy Seal Kristin Beck was featured on the John and Ken show on KFI. Missed the show as I can't stand them, but I will give a listen later. Give her some support on their page, leaving her a message. http://www.kfiam640.com/pages/johnandken.html?article=11354528

My heart is really heavy tonight. I am deeply troubled. Those with no faith in God, or are too hurt to acknowledge it may want to just stand down on this one.

Memoir of a Navy SEAL who eventually realized he was meant to be herself. Document's her journey in the Navy and ultimate road to become a post op woman. http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2013/06/transgender-...

For the past few weeks Dottie has been teasing me.

I'm NOT a girlie girl!

Just because I like pink and have two tops in pink does not make me a girlie girl.

I made copies on our home server of Ang's 'Totally Insane' for my Twins, Rae and Jes, to read since I felt the need as a mother to make sure they stayed away from their Mother's stories.

As a writer, I love words. I love trying to learn where they come from, how they came to mean what they mean, how some words have changed meanings over time, and how some words can have deeper and stronger meanings to a single person.

One word that's like that for me is the word "rape". I always use it to describe what happened to me over "molested", because for me, what happened fits "rape" better. "molested" sounds softer, somehow, only "rape" seems to have the meaning I need when talking about what happened to me.

The last couple of days have given me a chance to practice my social skills, and that's a good thing. First, I went to see the new "Star Trek" movie with one of my co-workers and a friend of hers, and that went fine, and then today I got put in charge of the coffee pot for the little coffee-and-snack thing we do after service, and as we had a group of visitors, that was interesting. It also went very well, and doing well in these kinds of situations is great, especially since that before this, my tendencies would have been to either act like a buffoon, or retreat into a corner.

I was looking on Amazon and noticed a one star review for the transsexual and the cross. At first I thout the religious right had struck and was going to take it as a badge of honor. Instead, the reviewer said that no one from the lgbt community should read it and then accused me of being homophobic and transphobic. I am totally pissed off.

I would appreciate if a few people would come to my defense.