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My very first blog and blog entry

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10 Sept 05 I've never really tried a blog before. At this point, I'm strictly engaging in the novelty of a new toy. I'm sure that'll wear off quickly.

I recently (very lightly) edited Perchance to Dream and compiled it from 8 seperate serial parts into one complete story. It has had a few reads (74) but no comments. My insecurity is screaming "NO ONE BLARGING LIKES IT!". My rational mind is all about "it's a numbers game, someone will eventually like it enough to write and they probably represent some sample percentage" or "It's been posted on a previous version of BigCloset, it's yesterdays news. Get over it and write something fresh". That mollifies me for a moment that I panic again and go back to "NO ONE BLARGING LIKES IT!". What can I say? Insecurity is a big player in my life. I'll deal with it as best I can, in the meantime.

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Katrina

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I have Been working at a Red Cross shelter in my home town. We have about 500 victims from the New Orleans area. It is so humbling to see how they who have lost everything can still smile and laugh. I wouldn't wish what happened to them on anyone but I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything.

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Donating to Disaster Relief with Southern Belle

I am Southern Belle, not only a Superhero, but a SOUTHERN Hero!

The Disaster from Katrina is effecting all of us, but as a Southern Hero, I need to help!

To do this, ALL Profits from the sales of my adventures in both Book and PDF format for the next 30 days will be donated in the name of my friends and fans to the Red Cross for Katrina Disaster Relief.

Even Heros need help in times like this - can you help?

Sapphire and E.E.Nalley

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Going on Vacation

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Sorry I haven't gotten anything new posted lately. I have about four stories in different degrees of completion in my file, plus a bunch of ideas for new stuff. Just to complicate things, I have been informed that my position will probably terminate by the end of October, so now I'm doing the job hunt thing. (It could have been worse. About 30 folks were shown the door yesterday. At least I still have a job while I look.)

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Fiction Sketch 1.2

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Hi everyone,

It seems that this little package may have a bigger following than my
fiction and so, here is version 1.2 for those who are interested. New
features include:

  • World creation work sheets.
  • Race creation work sheets.
  • Import from other story files.
  • Ability to adjust the screen font as desired.
  • Added relationships to sketches.
  • Printing.
  • Some appearance cleanup.
  • Automatic online version checker (off by default).
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Moving Again

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As if I haven't had enough of it in my life, I'm moving again. :)

Griffen, the cartoonist for whom I write Morty, and I, plus Griff's partner Danny, will be taking an apartment together in September. It's only a few miles away so I can continue to keep an eye on my Mom, which is good, and I'll be spending almost half my time here at Mom's. But I've discovered I really can't do much creative stuff with Mom in the same house. <sigh> Never could, I've always done my writing in coffee shops when I live with Mom.

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"G11-Colony" and "Gaby-the Anime Years" now for sale!

  
I am so very happy and honored to announce that two new books are now for sale from Sapphire's Place Press!
  
1) " Gaby - The Anime Years " ( Gaby #1 ) from Madeline Bell is NOW fully available! B/W internal graphics in Book, full color graphics in PDF format. Buy BOTH for a full experience!
  
As a note, Every copy of Gaby sold will provide support for youngsters with gender identity issues through the Mermaids charity - ( http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/ )
  
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Troubles with the QnEZ server.

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That's the old server, the one that runs my qnez, ateros, fictioneer, beastlythoughts and about 25 other domains admined by Theresa Sanchez; this time it isn't hackers but the ISP that operates the server farm in Texas. They updated some software on my server at midnight last night and now pop access to email does not work, nor do a lot of control panel functions for the server.

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Announcing Fiction Sketch

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Attention authors!

I just thought I would post a quick note about some software I've written. Basically, it's designed to help organize plot, characters, scenes, locations, and track notes and ideas that you have during the course of developing a story. It's written in C# so it does required Windows and the 1.1 .NET framework (which is freely available). I have no idea if it would work with the Mono project codebase, but you never know if you're adventuresome.

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Spam Fighters

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Since I spend about half an hour to one hour a day deleting spam comments by unregistered users, I'm going to suspend commenting privileges for unregistered user for the duration of my trip. Sorry about that, I hope to be able to restore such privileges as soon as I return on or about July 6.

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Road Trip

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For the next two weeks or so, my access to the internet is going to be spotty because I will be on vacation to the Bay Area. My apologies to readers and authors who may experience some inconvenience. If you live in the Bay Area and want to chance a meeting with me, you can leave a PM or email me at [email protected]. That will be my email addy on the road because it will be easiest to access without compromising security. :)

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For The Record

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A number of readers have noted the similarity of my recently posted tale, "Escape From Harmony," with another author's work. "The Sisters of Athernia" by Diane Christy.

EFH is indeed inspired by Ms. Christy's tale, a fact I do not deny. I enjoyed her story and am disappointed that she never managed to finish it.

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Gamex

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Hi everybody, I'm attending Gamex in LA this weekend at the Airport Westin Hotel. Look for the fat lady in the open gaming room running the Mutants and Masterminds game if you're in the area. :)

Hugs,

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Rules for Constructing MIBD Stories

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Now that Erin has graciously awarded my creation a universe of its own, I thought I might post the rules for writing MIBD stories, just in case anybody would like to try their hand at it. Please feel free to add to the body of MIBD stories. Just do me a favor and e-mail me a copy before you post it. Thanks ever so much!

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Male/Female brains

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There is an interesting article in the May issue of Scientific American titled " The Differeences in Male and Female Brains". I am not sure it is if any use to anyone except researches and acedemics; on the other hand, it is interesting to read about what is currently known.

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Fudge

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When I moved in with my mom after Jeanne died last October, I had to find homes for my cats. My friend Don took in Bebekat and another friend, Shelley, took in Fudge. Rocky, our resident psycho-kitty, went to the pound along with fifty dollars to help him find a new home.

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Wish me luck

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Wish me luck. :) I'm going to Fontana for 24 hour comic day tomorrow. :) I'll have a 'puter with me but I dunno if they have internet for us. Google for 24 hour comic day if you want to find the place. :) If things work out, by Monday I'll have a 24 page comic done called, "The Secret Life of Roadster T. Rodent". :)

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Some web comics with TG

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Since Erin pointed out one, I thought I'd mention two of my favorite web comics that include TG elements.

El Goonish Shive at http://www.elgoonishshive.com has several TG story lines, including an up comming party where most of the characters are going to get changed to the opposit gender.

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I finally figured out why...

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... I've been reading fewer stories here than on other sites.


On other sites my main way of choosing which stories to read is by reading the short synopsis that authors provide. Very few authors do so here, and I'm thus provided little incentive to read unless I'm familiar with the author. Categories alone are not enough.

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A Question! Visual Kei, Japanese Street Fashion, Elegant Gothic Lolita, Elegant Gothic Aristocrat.

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Hello Everyone!

       I had a quick question, and am hoping that this is the best way to get it out to you.

I'm wondering how many of you are familiar with some of the more interesting

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Just an Hello

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Just a line or two to introduce myself.

Been reading BigCloset and Top Shelf for ages, and the TG/TS stories in particular.

Reason?   Simply to live my childhood somewhat vicariously through them - since I didn't get to be a girl (physically) til I was 50 - I may one day put in a story, but I am without a plot at the moment - though I suppose I could write an autobiographical one - if you all want boring to death...

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Blogs and Frogs

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Griff and I have been having weekly meetings about cartooning lately. These have been a major help to me in coming out of what now appears to have been a several year long depression. I still miss Jeanne but I'm beginning to take an interest in doing the things I like again. Griff and my other local friends, as well as all of you online here at BC and elsewhere on the net are part of the reason.

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No Respect

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Gosh, I can't seem to elicit a comment without bitching.
Maybe I need to write something so filthy and bad somebody will take notice?
What does one have to do to get at least a, 'hey good rewrite,' out of those couple of hundred what is reading my stuffs?

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Happy Christmas or Whatever...

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Well it's officially Christmas in the UK now, so I would like to wish everyone out there a happy christmas, I should have some presents round here somewhere but they aren't wrapped yet. Sorry. Um actually I haven't got round to writing them yet, I'm always like this at Christmas though. Ah well maybe for new year...

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Still moving

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Still working on getting things moved, having a yard sale today. If you're in the area, stop by, 7862 Stark St, Huntington Beach, CA. :)

- Erin

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Computers being moved...

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I'm going to be partly offline for about a week starting an hour or two from now. Bob Arnold will be watching for any problems with the server and he has my number so he can contact me. I'll look in from time to time on friends computers. Wish me luck.

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Long time no C...

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Well I have been... well not busy exactly just um well not really with it, done a little bit more work on various stories, currently working on a Health and Beauty website for a (hopefully) paying customer. Spent huge amounts of money recently sorting out my PC so now it runs nicely and looks cool. Thats about it...

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Snow!

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I went up to my mom's last night and this morning it snowed! About 8 inches of fluffy white stuff, it was really funny watching all the little old ladies and men in mom's retirement community making snowmen. :)

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Still Moving...

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And probably right on through Thanksgiving weekend. I have to be out by November 30 and there is still a lot to do. I'm having a big garage sale this weekend and people are coming over to help out.

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Gone to Mom's...

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...for a couple of days, getting ready to move up there. I should be back late Thursday night, if there are problems with the servers, Bob Arnold has access to try to fix things. :)

- Erin

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Why Separate is Not Equal

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California's domestic partnership law grants the same rights to domestic partners as to surviving spouses except for narrow areas BUT, the state agency overseeing crematories does not accept this and refuses to grant licenses to crematoriums on the authority of a surviving domestic partner.

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An Appointment with Grief

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I'm feeling better today, tired and sad but I can see the fading of pain already.

I called the Neptune Society on Saturday and they will make all the arrangements, including a boat for going out into the channel and scattering the ashes. The price is very reasonable, less than $2000, including $600 for the boat with 20 people in the memorial party.

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Halloween arrives

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The moon travels its silent path, as it rises over the earth, Halloween arrives. A ghostly scream cries out seeming coming from all directions at once. The high drifting clouds part and a blue radaince shines down from the moon above. Creepy Halloween treats sparkle into existance on a small flat rock in a forest clearing.

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The Last Forgiveness

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The hospital just called, Jeanne died this morning at about 12:50 a.m. I had last seen her at about 10:00 p.m. when her other best friend, Sandy, and I left the hospital. We had spent about four hours with her, telling her we loved her and that she had our permission to do what she had to do.

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No Heroes

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I've asked the doctors to make sure Jeanne is comfortable and not in pain but not to take any heroic measures to extend her life. They are not to discontinue anything they are doing right now, fluids and food and breathing support and pain medications, but no kidney dialysis, no CPR or cardiac electro thereapy.

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I can't believe I'm starting my blog with a TG limerik

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There once was a crossdressing lad from Nantukit
Who hid all of his panties in a bucket
When his mom once threw it all out
He felt forced to cry and pout
for without panties, he had nowhere to tuck it

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Singin' in the Rain

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The doctors wanted me at the hospital early yesterday for a conference. Basically, they told me that it is unlikely that Jeanne is going to leave the hospital or even the ICU. She has numerous infections, she's unresponsive most of the time and she's bleeding internally somewhere again. They want to know what she would want done about resuscitation efforts and the like. I told them to give me a day or two to think.

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Yes I too am a lumberjack

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Another day gone tomorrow the psychologist beckons, we'll talk. I'll come home feeling odd again.

Spent some time tonight on the chatbox thingy, odd software not sure I like it. But chatted away any way.

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The Glass Bottom Boat

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I went to see Jeanne earlier tonight, I couldn't stay long this time, too painful.

They took the breathing tube out but my love lies there in the bed looking as if she's lost her way. She doesn't speak but she will nod after a bit when asked if she'd like to watch Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country, rather than the baseball game someone had tuned her tv to.

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I don't wanna be a boy I wanna be a girl, I wanna do things that makes your hair curl...

Sunday ruddy sunday...

Gah in the country there is no public transport on a sunday so I've been stuck at home all day, some reading some runescape some riting, the three 'R's then.
I posted my story list yesterday and promptly thought up two new stories I'll leave it a week and post a revised list next week so I can see how little I have done.

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When it is written, then shall it be done.

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So, why can’t I finish one of these stories? Is it because of a curse, or the cat threatening my keyboard? (down, down!) No, I don’t think so. It’s all about discipline.

I like to explore and take a character, usually a form of me, to places and see what I’d do. I put him or her into a situation and let him go. Damned if I know why he does the things he does. Along the way he discovers things about himself and through him, me.

But that doesn’t explain why I can’t end a story. Like I said, it’s about discipline. Darkside took five years to write his 2.6meg monster by outlining the whole thing first, then sticking to his outline. I tried, but I just keep finding new paths. Every scene has a plan, but I never know how, precisely, I’m going to do it until I start actually writing it. Sometimes, to stay true to my character, he or she has other ideas.

The story becomes a juggernaut, rolling a way I sometimes don’t want, towards a conclusion I don’t desire. So, I throw obstacles in its path to divert it towards my planned-for ending. That usually works. But it’s a learning experience. It tells me I need discipline.

Anyway, for anybody who is reading this, I have three stories outstanding — all of which I will complete.

The Warrior from Batuk: A Zhor novel about a warrior who is injected with Ruk’s serum and becomes a serum girl, a beautiful woman with the longings of a natural slave. But she won’t give up her freedom without a fight, battling herself and her enemies in a war to save her city. — 90% complete. (really) About 230K words so far, but the end is clearly in sight.

Sample:

“Now you die,” smiled the guard toothily and moved forward.

I shuffled backwards and the King, still on his back, somehow managed to trip me. I fell painfully and lost the spear with a flick of the guard’s sword. From my elbows, I looked up to a blade hovering above my breasts, and beyond, to a cool confident smile. It seemed that it was not my day. And then, from behind me, a well-thrown long spear flashed, penetrating his breastplate and mail with a metallic ‘snick!’ sinking deep into the center of his chest. The spear’s power compelled him backwards to fall across the shrieking woman on the bed, where he passed from the world with a shuddering groan.

His sword, an instant earlier aligned to invade my heart, merely dropped, cutting a deep gash in the valley between softness. I caught the sharp sword between palms before it could fall further. I reveled in my pain, and paid tribute to the fickle God of Luck with the breath I didn’t think I’d have. I rolled over slowly and crawled to the King on my knees. Yanking the spear from his stomach had done him further injury; it was all he could do now to hold his insides in place, but still, his wound, although very serious, wasn’t necessarily fatal with prompt attention, and I couldn’t allow him to survive. Grabbing the King’s jewel-incrusted sword, I held it under his chin, poised for a thrust into his brain. He was too weak to protest, but he was aware, and I bent to his ear.

“You are a brave man,” I whispered. “You deserve to know why you are going to die.”

He glared at me through eyes glazed in pain. “You Gods-cursed Giovannis came early,” he rasped. “I expected you after the Borodins left.”

I shook my head. Grinning, I met his glare. “I’m from Batuk.” I waited a few inches from his face until I saw the light of understanding, and then thrust the sword upwards. The sharply pointed end, capable of penetrating plate armor, had no problem with soft tissue. He collapsed and voided in death, fouling the air around me.

I stood slowly and leaned against the bloody blade, watching the terrified woman on the bed, a pretty girl with auburn hair and blue eyes. She appeared to regret throwing those pillows at me. I smiled. She cringed.

Sappho: The Lesbian Planet: A scout from the far future lands on a lesbian world where there are no men and men have been written into history as vile animals. Rescued by ‘throwbacks’ (hetero women), he tries to get back to Earth, but he won’t leave unchanged. — 80% complete 55K words so far.

Unity: Houston: A VR world where the brain patterns of people can be preserved in a cube and placed in a VR environment, essentially living forever in worlds both mundane and magical. But are they alive, and who protects them? — 80% finished about 150K words so far.

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Let me take you down 'cos I'm going to...

Settle, thats my closest town BTW. It's in the Yorkshire Dales an area of outstanding natural beauty (well I think so) in northern england. It's saturday so shopping to be done, my mums friend is coming up to stay on the train, so after shopping we will take her home with us....

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And Now?

It's very early thursday morning (UK) it's horrible out but now....

Now I'm okay I'm alive, each time I feel really down like I did earlier I try and analyze why I'm down, I still havn't reached an answer, partly it's the whole gender thing, inside I'm ?????? outside I'm male, I really wish that I was a classic case of Gender Dysphoria then I could say to the pychologists I am a woman trapped in a mans body. But I can't, I don;t feel this way but I know that the person inside me is not male , I'm just not certain she is female either. I do know I cannot bear to see myself in the mirror pictures of me make me feel sick, what is worse my mum keeps on going on about how handsome I am, is she blind?

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2B or not 2B?

Well life gets worse, possibly, last night (Monday night) I had a dream, in it I was a soldier who when ordered to shoot some civilians killed himself, I felt the bullet kill me! Today (tuesday) I was nearly out of it how do I continue on knowing (though I don't) on the basis of a dream that death will be okay. I cannot cope with life. I used to think that surgery would be the answer chop off this, chop off that and add a bit here add a bit there then I could be happy, now I can see that it cannot happen that way, I am the archetypal male if I do have surgery I will still look like a man...
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They had to operate on Jeanne last night

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She was bleeding internally somewhere, her blood pressure dropping and they had already given her 4 units of blood. I saw her after she got out of the OR and she looked fine but pretty much out of it. I got home at midnight last night but couldn't sleep until 3. Going back up there in a few hours.
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More beasties...

Well this morning I was ill, not bodily but mentally. Somedays I just can't see the point to anything, it's mainly 'cos I'm lonely. Then after lunch I helped re-round up the 2 cows that are due to be eaten which is in a way sad but they've had good lives. Then I played more runescape. I really need to get on with some work soon... Found out today that my cousin who I'm quite close to is splitting up with her husband of a year, so tonight I'm feeling a little sad, partly for her and partly for him.
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Nurses make terrible patients.

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They had planned to take the ventilator tube out tonight but her ascites is so bad they were afraid she would have trouble breathing in the night, so they didn't. Since she is conscious and aware now, this annoyed her mightily and they finally gave her something to 'help' her sleep so she would quit trying to get them to take the tube out.
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You COW....

So today, has been okay, little down but then I am all the time. Spent most of the morning and early afternoon reading through the Whateley Academy stories. This after noon I spent a fair amount of time rounding up (or helping to) rounding up my parents small herd of (biddable) cows. Okay so there not biddable, they're evil little buggers. Then after tea I've been reading more about the academy and playing my current fave game 'Runescape' which incase you don't know is a MMORPG set in medeavil(sp?) times with magic and stuff to flesh it out.
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There and back just to see how far..........

Well now, first time with a blog, um like a diary huh? Well slept late today because I read a Philip Pullman book last night 'The Tiger in the Well' big fan of his. Currently working on a blog for.... ah yes and reading a runescape site. Where I am making various comments about my other hobby. I spent sometime last night sorting through my soon to be completed fiction collection or not I'm working off and on (more off) on about 10 stories of various lengths, so back to the drawing board.
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Six a.m. Blog

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I woke up having a strange dream, that Jeanne had called me. In the dream she told me that she had it from good authority that it was time for her to check-out. I didn't know what she meant, that phrase could be ambiguous.
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