So, I ran into a little bit of an issue, and I may need help resolving it, I checked the website by the way, I didn't see any sort of rules or anything forbidding this, but if I am breaking SOME kind of rule here mods, I'm sorry, I just don't know. If there's a proper way to do this, let me know please.
WOW! so it's been a while huh? I honest have been busy. Right now I"m currently working a part time call center job. bringing in 200 a week. For food and rent as well as bills. 350 a month. (sweet deal right?) Well I really had to fight to get it. and my life. So once again my connection with the PRices are permanently cut. Especially after the flaming perfume fiasco that gave me quite a shiner. Sister moved to Arizona and all that leaving me alone with the one who tried to seriously maim me with said perfume. Long story short. I'm still alive.
So my life continues to change. I am far enough in my transition to finally accept what others have told me all along, I'm cute, I'm pretty. I'm no longer self conscious, I have friends and family who accept me. I get correctly gendered as I'm out and about. even in male clothing. I have so much going for me. I'm also however moving back home. Whether this is a good or bad thing I do not know. Money is an issue so I can no longer attempt to live on my own. Dad has agreed. So long as I present myself as "normal". He's the only one who's had a problem so far with me being transgendered.
It's amazing how much life can change when you're not paying attention. Yesterday was my birthday and I spent it with my sister, first time in 5 years someone even remembered when I was born. It was a, good feeling honestly. Even more so when I'm a year and a half into my transition, and my sister has accepted it. A while back I spent Easter with her, as a sort of...trial run to see if I wanted to risk bringing her back into my life. So I put on a dress grabbed my purse and headed out to her apartment. I had fun. Fast forward to August 13th, and I was invited over to her place again.
So I'm not going to go into too much Details with this on specific things. Simply because I tended to keep my nose out of those specific things for this one. This is my disclaimer, there may be reference to violence here but I will keep this as clean as possible.
I think it's finally happened. So I was sitting in the main hall of the CC building at my college, just sitting and chatting with Cici and Zach, two friends I've made. Though at this point I was still keeping my guard up. I was still a bit cautious of any fall out that could ever happen. Cheyenne and Amber come up and Cheyenne grabs me going "hey come with me" and just starts pulling me away from the Table, Cici following behind as our stuff gets left there for Zach to watch.
So alot has happened this past week. I went into a job interview for an entry position Data Entry job. and I walked in to find my cousin who didn't know I was trans* sitting there waiting for her turn at the same job. And she flipped out. after a long awkward interview I left only to find out that I wasn't getting the job. Not only that but either my Dad or my Sister gave her my number, so now the entire family knows it. Along with me being trans*. And have been harrassing me nonstop as I tried to get the numbers blocked. as far as I could tell the family is broken into 3 factions.
Ever have one of those days where you just want to slam your head into the wall? The past few weeks I've been running around trying to find another job since Home Depot fired me over injuring myself in an incident I could not avoid. when the incident happened I informed a manager as soon as I realized something was wrong and 4 days later I was fired. that was nearly a month ago.
I have a question for you all. and you may not have known her, but my mom was....someone I really idolized for her strength and tenacity. and there are many times I wanted to be like her.
Ok so work is running me ragged. More so than they used to. I'm having to fight for every peace of mind I can get in that place and I still end up with the short end of the stick.
So trying to cut myself off from my family did not work. just after I got myself my own phone plan my own life. everything was going great. my car blew a head Gasket.
So I've finally come to the decision. I don't need my family anymore. So I've disowned them. I'm tired of caring what they thing. I'm tired of hurting. To follow a story recently on the site, Masks, I've determined my male self, Dan, is a mask lined with thorns. a Mask that is so heavy that if I let it sit on me. It hurts so much eventually I will be no more.
So how do I begin this one. I guess I'll start out by saying my transition is going well. If anyone wants a link to my Transition log or E-log as I like to call it, feel free to PM me and I'll see about sending you a link to it. but anyways I digress, This past week I took adive off the deep end. in a matter of speaking. The past week, I met this guy in my reading class who asked for my number to do a study group session. later that week I got a text asking if I wanted to go out. At first, naturally I was scared. I hadn't been on a date in years.
Welp. my life is going great again. I've moved out. Moved in with my room mate MJ, and we get along great. I'm living full time as a girl everywhere I go. Dad's not holding me back. and I'm moving forward with my life.
I've decided to pursue my writing degree, and try and study abroad in japan, for an added experience in another language. just to help myself understand other parts of the world a little bit better.
So a few things have happened over the last few days that I have found.....unbelievable in my mind. And being unable to physically voice them just puts the nail in the coffin, so to speak.
It's amazing how life can turn around. THis past month I've been working on moving out and getting set up for college. My Dad kicking me out pushed that plan into high gear, whether I'm ready for it or not. So I've gotten everything set up, and have my room mate selected. The kicker? The Student housing, instead of treating me as male as on my ID, they accommodate to my wishes and treat me like a woman. Even gave me a female roommate. Not something I expected. but something I'm happy for. I met my roommate at the mall earlier and just basically had fun getting to know her.
I seems like everyday is normal until your birthday comes along, and everyone gets excited about it. People celebrate it with you, your family especially. Right?
So, I've had an interesting week. I guess I should start from the beginning. I was hanging out with friends, and we watched pacific rim. after that we went out and had super nachos which is this big nacho plate. anyways. after that we broke up and it was just me and my friend who we all call Jacob or Jake. So we were driving around, chatting and the conversation shifts to high school and college. Basically, in my junior year, I dropped out got my GED, and lost contact with all my friends for a while. While growing up, I was trying to hide the fact I was transgendered from everyone.
Soooo, In an addition to my last blog, good news actually happened. My Therapist sent me an email awhile back that she forwarded from a couple of Transwomen in my area trying to set up a transwomen support group for ages 17-35. I thought I'd give it a try, extend an olive branch so to speak to help get their group off the ground and once again get a support group after Smyrc dropped me for being too old. After a few tries of getting to the group and failing, They invited me to hang out with them. Extending the olive branch back to me. I will admit, I was a bit nervous.
So it's been a while since I've written a blog. Thought I'd catch you guys up on what's happening in my life if you still remember me. My life is slowly getting better. Still working on my story, haven't actually got the chapters typed out, been more working on the time line and has gotten so big and detailed that I need to take my time with it to get it right. Got myself a job at Home Depot as a lot associate so if you see someone pushing carts around or loading vehicals, might be me. Not sure I enjoy it but this job is paying for my next bit of news.
I've been doing one of my famous thinking sessions today, and thought about my mother, how I've been handling her death, and how my family have been handling it. Up till now I've been avoiding thinking about it. It's been painful to think about the memory of watching her take her last breath, or about her in general. I've been avoiding spending time at home as much as possible, as her presence still lingered there long after. My sister comes up to me on a weekly basis and asked me how I was doing, and I've told her I've been avoiding it.
I have recently been thinking deeply about the way our society is towards our children regarding the LGBT community. atleast with my family and the neighbors around me. More often then not, I've gotten into a fight with someone, about letting someone be them selves, be they gay, transexual, bi, or straight. And more often than not, I get the urge to deck them when they get the smug look on their face when they think they've provided proof that I'm wrong.
Alright, since I made too many mistakes in my Tail of Two Bloods story, I'm going to revise it to make the chapters longer, and more understanding. I didn't get too many suggestions, or any...really...for my story so I'm going in blind for a second try. ^^; Wish me luck BCTS.
I got a question for all you at big closet who have been keeping up with my story. Is it going in a good direction? This is the first time I've shared a story with anyone. So I want to know where I could improve, and what's capturing your attention. I really want my story to grow. and as selfish as it may seem, I want it to be popular. I want my writing to grow into it's own world.
Hey Big Closet. Those of you reading my story, thank you. I've done this a couple of times but, sometimes after posting, someone I know comes to the site and checks out my work, and some of your guys. and more often than not I have to pull the story off the site, make some drastic tweaks to certain chapters that I pull, and re-add it. But thank you again for reading my story. it gives me joy to see you guys enjoying it. ^^
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Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
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Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
