So I've finally come to the decision. I don't need my family anymore. So I've disowned them. I'm tired of caring what they thing. I'm tired of hurting. To follow a story recently on the site, Masks, I've determined my male self, Dan, is a mask lined with thorns. a Mask that is so heavy that if I let it sit on me. It hurts so much eventually I will be no more.
Yesterday I saw I had two messages from my former family on my phone. I listened to my former sister's first. I regret I ever did it. it started out simple enough stating how much she missed me. wanted to catch up. Ect. Then it turned around and she stated how I should stop "trying to be a girl" and "Be a man" "man up" I never finished it. I deleted both messages and just broke down crying. Working my way to my room I grabbed my bear sat down at my computer and typed up an email to my therapist.
Any interaction I have with my former family will only end in pain and tears, and I'm tired of it. I'm not Dan, Dan is not me. I'm not a boy. I'm a girl. A girl named Dani, and Dani is here to stay. Others have gone on with out their families. I will too. I'm stronger than them. And that mask isn't mine. Not anymore.
My Therapist is an absolute doll to help me through this though. WHen I emailed her, she emails me directly back. She truely cares about my well being and I'm really grateful for that. I'm willing to go the extra mile as it were, to see her for our sessions, or to email her when I need encouragement.
So my former family lost out on learning about who I am. thats their problem. not mine.
Dani
Comments
Understanding
They just don't understand the hurt of being born into the wrong body or is it the right body with the wrong mind :-( i feel your hurting and think I can say that we here at BCTS have your back . Maybe someday the bigots will learn to love the person inside just know you are loved here.
Hugs & kisses with love Richie2
Sometimes family isn't family.
Not really, real family doesn't treat you that way.
*Great Big Huge Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Kitten..
It sounds like your "family" are uneducated. Not in the classical sense but in the broader sense that the world is full of diversity. If they are stuck in a religious reaction I recommend a most enlightening "story" by Jennifer Sue - "Preparing for the Final Exam". It is to, my untrained mind, a clear denunciation of the religious bigotry one so often hears.
When I decided that I could not support the past persona of 68 years, i announced my decision to live as as woman from that day forward & they could suck it up & still be with me or they could go their merry way & I would go mine. I have anew life consisting of old friends & new - albeit on a different basis. My ex blames me for all the troubles in our marriage & is miserable. My two sons are not necessarily "happy" with me but care enough to keep in touch & come to visit for a Christmas brunch every year. No brothers or sisters so my family is very small which produces small concerns.
My best to you to move on with your life as you are the only one who matters. All the others can accept you or you can just get on with your life. I found great solace in the DESIDERATA.
Dani, may all your days be filled with sunshine.
Ruth
May the sun always shine on your parade