real life

Dear Diary-Life's Changes Happen And Now I Know Why

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I understand that my body is changing. I did not ask for it to change, it is happening anyways. My testosterone levels have been dropping for about ten years now (I'll be 57 in 2 months) and that is normal. But since my wife died 7 years ago I have not slept well. I usually get 3-5 hrs of sleep, in the past few months it's more like 3-6 hrs. Rarely do I sleep more than 6 hrs. I recently investigated the causes of low testosterone in men and found that age 40+ the levels decrease, this is natural.

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Well, I basically just outed myself

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So, I have basically just COMPLETELY outed myself to my mum, by accident. How? You may ask. She had just come round to drop off a few things, unannounced. She then stated that she was dying to pee (to hide the fact that she wanted to inspect my flat, of which she has no right). So I let her past the door to go. The first thing she saw was my loungeroom's mess to which she said "oh my god" and I replied "ha, it's about to get much worse". She then delivered another "Oh My God" with a lot more.....honesty.

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I'm about at my limit

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I don't know why I'm still alive anymore, I realized I just don't care anymore on my birthday two weeks ago when my family came down to see me for my birthday and I felt nothing. If I don't get a callback from a therapist by Tuesday evening I think I'm done.

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Off the deep end.

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DR There are several side effects, you need to be aware of before you proceed with making your choice.

Dr 1] There is a good chance that this operation will not solve the pain problem you are having I have had several clients / patient's who only had a moderate decrease in the discomfort and pain. Some have gotten worse.

Me You have got to be kidding I have been walking around with a golf ball sized ball in my pants for 2 years now do you think think is not a pain you do not know pain.

Dr 2] You will likely not be able to effect an erection.

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requiem for a dream

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I forgot who said this "without purpose there is no life". I would like to add 'and dreams'. Just 'buried' one in the past week. Not accepted it but lost hope in every getting it fulfilled due to several different reasons.

Made my head 'misfire' a few times this week and am extremely tired. >sigh<

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