I don't know why I'm still alive anymore, I realized I just don't care anymore on my birthday two weeks ago when my family came down to see me for my birthday and I felt nothing. If I don't get a callback from a therapist by Tuesday evening I think I'm done.
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Comments
I'm about at my limit
Please! Remember that you are FAMILY here
May Your Light Forever Shine
It's not enough anymore
I just doesn't seem enough anymore
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Clomlpramine 25 mg
Does anyone know if that will cut it. I have 81 pills
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Could be good could be bad, you need a doctor's advice on this
this is a powerful medication. Quite useful but as with any powerful med it has potential side effects, one is thoughts of suicide... that is assuming Wikipedia is anywhere near accurate.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clomipramine
Contact a competent medical professional ASAP as to the best advice.
Too little, too much, the wrong med or the wrong mix of meds are all dangerous.
You can get though this.
Hope to hear you are feeling better soon.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Meds
Im not on it right now
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Call you doc or a mental health pro and ask questions
One of it's primary uses IS as an antidepressant. Oddly one of the potental side effects is depression, wierd that.
Call, get advice. You must have a local mental health line, suicide prevention line, a 24 emergency number for your doctor or the local hospital. They are out there and will help. Be persistant if you must but get help.
The medication may help you but you need a professional's skill to use it correctly.
BTW, were you supposed to be taking these and stopped when you *felt better*.
I know a sweet lady who did that and she came close to killing herself.
Get help. Get well. We will be here for you.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Could be good could be bad, you need a doctor's advice on this
this is a powerful medication. Quite useful but as with any powerful med it has potential side effects, one is thoughts of suicide... that is assuming Wikipedia is anywhere near accurate.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clomipramine
Contact a competent medical professional ASAP as to the best advice. When they say "take only as directed" they are not kidding.
This is a serious med and must be treated seriously.
Too little, too much, the wrong med or the wrong mix of meds are all dangerous.
Or maybe it is an interaction with a herbal supliment, a food, alchohol, something odd about your body chemistry/metabolism. Determining which therapy or drug works best for you takes a skilled doctor and your being an active participant and giving them feedback.
Call your doc and get help. Only they can advise to as to the appropriate dose. If you have been following their advice to date and you are feeling as you describe something sounds wrong to me. Talk to your doctor right away.
You can get though this. Please do not do anything rash or foolish.
Hope to hear you are feeling better soon.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
DO see one of the docs you considered...
or call a suicide help line.
Heck, see your family doc if you have one.
You sounded fine in your recent blogs asking for advice and info so whatever is getting you down today seems odd/out of place.
Call a friend, read a faviorite book, take a hike in a local park but do something positive.
Don't let depression, stress or whatever is giving you pain get you down.
Opposite tack... Not on any meds currently, are you? If you are, are they the wrong ones or the dose wrong. Feeling nothing: is it depression or too much of a med?
We have lost too many here. Get help and come back to us healthy and happier.
Whatever is making you hurt, get help. You are not alone. Even if it is just my inelegant words over the Internet, know you have value. Others here, people in your community, many many others value you... you simply can't see it at the moment.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Reasons
I don't have any reasons left for me
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Don't wait...
...for your therapist to call you back. Call them. First thing Monday.
So... what have you got to be thankful for?
You're still alive and I assume you're in reasonable health.
You have access to the internet and entertainment of all sorts.
You have family - you may not have thought any special love for them when they visited, but the fact they visited presumably means they care about you. They may not agree with everything you say or do, but they thought enough of you to pay a visit (and presumably give you cards / presents).
If you're out of work, there's nothing special about that - there are several million others in the US alone in the same boat. Ditto for financial worries.
Just because you think life sucks at the moment, it doesn't necessarily mean it will still suck in a year / two years / five years time.
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
If he or she is anywhere
If he or she is anywhere competeten you can phone them 24/7 in a crisissituation >what I think this qualifies as<. Being a good therapist isn't a 9/5 job. PS ore if it's a group practice/hospital have someone on watch.
Therapist
I don't have 1 yet of the 6 gender specialists on my insurance 3 aren't accepting new clients and I don't know about the other 3 waiting to find out. My problems are not so much how my current life. The entertainment doesn't make me happy it's just a passing emotion. Just existing makes me depressed
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Perhaps...
If the gender issues aren't at the top end of your list of problems, consider trying someone who isn't a gender specialist to get your life back on track first. It's a case of priorities: getting yourself to the point where you can be reasonably content with existing should (hopefully) come before getting your gender issues sorted.
There are quite a few people here who keep their true gender (as opposed to the gender façade they show to the world) hidden from everyone in real life (including spouses) and whose only means of expressing their true selves is online (there are others in the world whose computer usage is monitored by their spouse, so can't even get release that way, or live in an environment where showing the merest hint of gender nonconformity could have fatal consequences). I don't have access to statistics, but I'd imagine the majority put survival above expressing their true gender. Likewise, if gender specialists are hard to come by, go with a non-gender specialist to get you back to the state whereby you can cope with life. Then once you're relatively stable, you can start hunting for a gender specialist, who will then be able to concentrate on your gender issues rather than your other issues.
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
My faith keeps me alive even
My faith keeps me alive even though I probably am as depressed as you. I just keep walking on my road, carrying the cross I carry. I walk knowing that I will be happy forever in the hereafter. Oddly enough, my birthday is tomorrow.
Faith
I stopped believing a long time ago I don't have faith anymore. no one but my parents love me and everyone else just tolerates me. I have a lot of problems most of them mental disabilites but my major problem can't be fixed by anything short of an act of God.
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
that hollow feeling
I think many of us have felt that hollow feeling.
"why can't i feel anything? Am I just a machine going through the motions?"
I don't have any answers for you. I can however give you a little trick that may help.
Pick up an object any object made by man. And look at it. Keep looking until you find the beauty of the object. At one point somewhere someone saw something beautiful about it in order for it to be made. It takes awhile to see it but when you do its like the whole world has changed. And life just gets a little better.
Hugs and cuddles
I feel that hollow feeling at
I feel that hollow feeling at almost all times, it is one of the reasons I hate having tIme to think.
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Just some random thoughts
What if you need to stay around as someone lots of others can look up to as a role model? Or as someone to help others through the same things you are going through? Been there, in that dark place, once; not fun. I survived and you can, too. I am not saying it will be easy, but good things never are won easy. Passing through the fires will temper you and make you stronger and the human spirit is stronger than anything the world can throw at you; look at grass that grows through concrete - life will win out. Yes, I can guarantee it will hurt, and I can guarantee there will be scars; wear them proudly and with honor, for they are proof of your spirit and strength. They are also proof of your existence and survival. I wish I could talk to you and let you know everything you need to know, but i am still learning too. We are all learning and evolving in this life, the best legacy is to teach the next generation to learn and grow.
And survive.
Sending you my strength and hope,
Diana
:(
Honestly I hope you don't give up. We all have our reasons why we have not quit yet. (Mine is the whole doomed to repeat it karma thing)once is more than enough in the wrong body. But if a old worn out semi biker can hang in there so can you :P . My main reason for you not to quit is purely selfish though I realllllllllly like your writing and the world and those of us here would miss you *hug*
ps the video is a serious tissue alert and these kids help me not give up because they don't
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihGCj5mfCk8
Sorry jasmyn
Me and eof had a falling out
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
eof
Meh it dosn't make a rats tail to me if you write in eof's universe. Make up your own or use a DnD universe lots of options out there :P . There have been a few writers that have left there universe open here *hug* Start one with voodoo in Louisiana (just a idea). Or a universe around any of these
http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/sacredplaces/tp/AmericanSacr...
Sorry jasmyn
Double
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
Leave the pills alone!!!!
Jayden please please don't take any pills that are not something your doc prescribed you by your doctor. Just cause ya had a falling out with EOF doesn't mean you need to take your life. I had a friend from highschool that oded on prescription pills an not only did she od but she died from it also. Your life isn't something to waste just cause you have a falling out with someone.
Its not the only reason its
Its not the only reason its constantly on my mind
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
please try and hold on
call the suicide hot line, call a friend, do whatever it takes. I dont want to end up putting another candle on my sill for you.
Dear Jade
You obviously have depression, pretty seriously! You don't have to wait for a gender therapist! You might have a county mental health provider, if not you can just go to an emergency room. That might be a pain; you might have to wait for quite a while, but you can get on a much more effective antidepressant. The stuff you have is a tricyclic, I was on those before prozac came out. (in '86 or '87) They worked poorly for me; prozac worked Great! Prozac and following SSRIs made tricyclics obsolete.
You should call your parents. The reason you don't care about anything and want to die is that YOU ARE DEPRESSED, probably clinically. Tell your parents you are very depressed and you need a psychiatrist's care. Like I said, they can take you to any emergency room. How you feel now is FAKE. It's just caused by your depression. I know it's not reasonable. Telling you won't make you feel better, but YOU CAN GET HELP! Depression is very common, pretty good treatment is easy. It's deadly, but it's not like you have liver cancer. The right med can have you feeling much better fairly soon.
I've had depression, mostly genetic, since I was 21; I'm now 62.
I'm not saying anything about all the other advice you've gotten. I'm just really, really, sure that I could be right. Since nobody will know until you talk to a medical professional, getting help ASAP, not just talking on the phone, is the safest thing for you to do. Don't put it off! Depression is deadly because it makes people commit suicide. You might think you can hold out until Tuesday, BUT DON'T TAKE THAT CHANCE!! CALL YOUR PARENTS!! GET TO AN EMERGENCY ROOM!!
We can all laugh about this when you get better, but it's deadly serious now. Try your hardest to at least tell your parents, ASAP. It doesn't matter if your trans or not, when you get a therapist, you can talk to er, but don't be embarrassed or ashamed of being depressed. It's just a disease, all kinds of people get it and get through it.
Damnit, you are young and can be a lovely womyn! Please, please, take care of yourself....
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Jaden know that we here care
Jaden know that we here care about you. I know only too well what you are going through. At 14 I thought about ending it and luckily I turned around but I spent most of my high school years going through therapy and then about 10 years ago, I be walking by busy roads and fight the urge to throw myself in front of a truck. One of my bosses got me to see sense when he made me realize that a lot of people cared about me. So please get help, you are a great person and I for one care about you and want you to go on and triumph.
Anybody heard from Jaden this
Anybody heard from Jaden this past few days?
anybody heard from Jaden
same, it won't let me send him messages
There was an 'off the deep
There was an 'off the deep end' inappropriate post, so I don't know what happened after that.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
off the deep
I think it had something to do with EOF, I think they were having a huge fight or something
im about at limit
if it was in may not have been inappropriate in context, EOF apparently made jade, feel very bad he may have done it again