I enjoy Nicole and look forward to each installment.

How could it be better? Well, I don't think you can fix it in this draft, so don't even try, but if you ever feel inspired to rewrite it, you should probably think about putting it in the third person, perhaps with chapters in first person via different characters. Having Becky try to tell the whole story in first person and carry it through is pretty tough, because there's a lot of stuff happening that she isn't actually present for, so you're reduced to her telling stuff in the third person that she shouldn't actually know.

Technically, that should be a pretty serious problem. Practically? That's another matter. The story is good enough, and involving enough, that I don't have a real problem overlooking that device.

For now, just keep doing what you're doing. I'm enjoying it!

In response to your question I reviewed some of your writings... are any of them completed?

Too many authors here think that just because the characters aren't dead the story goes on.

Stories should have a beginning, middle and ending. The goal of the story should be written out and no matter how long the middle is... it should support the goal of arriving at a story having told something to the reader.

A lot of stories (yours included) think that a diary of virtually every day counts as supporting the story... frankly at least 50% and often 90% of a story could be left out and you'd still arrive at the ending with the message that you started to share.

I don't normally read part stories until they are completed. I did however read your story 'A different direction.' My heart fell when it ended after 7 chapters and with no updates in 4 months.

You have a literate grasp of the story telling process but like most authors here you wend your way along as if it were a travel guide instead of a story.

For instance in the story 'A different direction.' What is the story behind it. If you could sum up the whole story in 25 words or less what would it be?

I notice that you don't describe any of your stories to hook the readers interest... this is another warning sign for me. If you the author don't care enough to tease me with an introduction how am I supposed to know whether reading your story will leave me cold or ravenous for more.

Take a look at The Professor's writings as an example... He has an introduction and from the first line he tells a story that has a definate ending. The middle supports the ending so you arrive feeling what he wants you to feel. The ending makes you feel like the gods really made the right choice for their 'victim.' When you're done you wish he went on but you know the story should end where it does and it promises so much more to come in another story which you await eagerly.

Well its a bit rambling but that's my honest opinion.

Dayna.