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(aka Bike) Part 973 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad
All Rights Reserved. |
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The omelettes were passable, apparently one should never add milk, just a drop of water. I now needed more eggs, only somehow, I have a feeling Julie wouldn’t want to go to the supermarket again. It so happens, our local corner shop–about a mile down the road did free range eggs. I like to keep some in the cupboard, because if all else fails you can always make a meal with eggs.
“So what happened with Julie,” Stella asked as I was emptying the dishwasher.
“We met her father in the supermarket.”
“And?” she leant against the worktop and folded her arms.
“Julie fainted and bumped her head, so we had to take her to the sick room and wait for the ambulance.”
“You made her walk?”
“No, he carried her.”
“You let him touch her?”
“I couldn’t have carried her upstairs, could I?”
“I don’t know, you managed to carry her back from one of the fields.”
“That was different, I wasn’t climbing stairs.”
“You didn’t use a lift–most shops have one?”
“Yes, oh shut up, Stella. He wanted to help.”
“Last time he wanted to help he cut her throat.”
“Hush–she doesn’t know that.”
“I do now, Mummy, why didn’t you tell me?” Julie walked into the kitchen.
“Tell you what, sweetheart?”
“That my former father cut my throat.”
“It was only a scratch and it healed pretty quickly.”
“That isn’t how I remember it.”
“You remember it?” I was aghast, I thought the healing would deal with that as well–obviously not.
“Yes, I dream it quite often and I see the blood spurt everywhere and know I’m going to die.”
“But you didn’t die–did you?”
“No, but...”
“You didn’t, you’re obviously catastrophising from a part memory.”
“Like, what does that mean?”
“He wanted to cut your throat, but he obviously couldn’t, or didn’t and we managed to overpower him and rescue you.”
“Why was my throat, like so sore for days?”
“He must have grabbed you there.”
“No, I remember it, the blood spurted–he tried to kill me, didn’t he?”
“What’s the point of me answering the question–you’ve made up your mind as to the answer, so whatever I say is irrelevant.”
“Mummy, I want to know.”
“What good will knowing achieve? It won’t stop the dreams, it won’t make you forgive him–will it?”
“Never, the bastard.”
“So, all it’s going to do is make you bitter and resentful towards him. Just what you need to carry all your life to twist your feelings and poison your heart.”
“The child deserves to know the truth,” said Stella taking an unusually moral stance.
“Does she? How does she know I’m not telling the truth? Would I lie to her?”
“Yes you would if you thought it would do her harm to know the truth–what if he tells her in the future?” Stella kept up the pressure.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere near him or his sick wife, they’re bloody maniacs. I shrugged, “‘And the truth will make you free’, John eight, thirty two.”
“You are fascinating,” Stella observed, “You don’t believe but you can quote chapter and verse.”
“‘There is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own:’ That’s verse forty four.” I shrugged.
“What are you on about, Mummy?” Julie seemed lost in our higher debate.
“Make her free–tell her the truth,” urged Stella, almost goading me.
“How does she know it isn’t a lie?”
“Because when it comes to it, you won’t tell her a lie.”
“According to you, I already have.”
“I think you avoided the truth rather than lied, if she asks you outright, you won’t lie to her, will you–it offends all you believe in.”
It seems I was to be hoist by my own petard, which means blown up by my own bomb–a petard being a sort of bomb or mine which was used to blow up the gates of fortresses or undermine enemy positions in the days before cannon fire was so effective.
“No I won’t lie to you Julie.” Now I had painted myself into a corner, helped by Stella.
“He did cut my throat, didn’t he, Mummy?”
“Do you really want to know the answer?”
“Answer her, for God’s sake, Cathy.”
“Julie?” I prompted.
“Yes,” she said quietly and tears ran down her face. “Yes, I need to know.”
“Okay, but this is against my better judgement–yes he did.”
“Oh my God,” she said before spewing all over the kitchen and falling backward into Stella’s arms.
I grabbed a towel and wiped her face, “Happy, now?” I hissed at Stella.
“Yes,” she spat back.
We sat the young woman on a kitchen chair and I gave her a bucket, while I mopped up the mess. She sat shaking and sobbing while Stella held her shoulders and spoke quietly to her.
“He wanted to kill me,” Julie sobbed.
“He didn’t want you to live with Cathy.”
“Why? Why would anyone want to kill me? What had I done to him?”
“You didn’t meet with his expectations and you might have embarrassed him–I don’t know, Julie,” Stella was shaking her head as she spoke even though Julie couldn’t see her as she was standing behind her with hands still on Julie’s shoulders.
“Embarrass him? Jesus, Auntie Stella, that gives him the right to kill me?”
“No, sweetie, nothing gives him that right. Cathy, you were there why don’t you tell her?”
“This is all I’m saying about it: he said he didn’t want anyone to have you if he couldn’t.”
“That is so mean and selfish,” said Stella.
“I shall be in the dining room doing some survey work–I’m not prepared to speak about this again. You stirred it up,” I said to Stella, “You can calm it down.” I walked angrily out of the room and called Stephanie on my mobile.
“Bring her in about five, I’ll see her before I finish.”
“I’m doing duck in orange sauce if you’d like to come to dinner?”
“Oh you temptress, I shouldn’t really, I’m trying to lose weight.”
“Do it here then instead of the hospital?”
“After dinner?”
“Could do.”
“What time’s food?”
“Six-ish.”
“Okay, Cathy, if I can borrow a room.”
“See you when you get here.” I switched off the phone and picked up my laptop. I could get dinner after collecting the kids, I had an hour to go before that. I dealt with my survey queries.
Bloody hell, wallabies in Dorset? Ha, pull the other one. Oh this was from the RSPCA–since when have they been sending us stuff? It’s obviously an escape, either that or it must be a very strong swimmer.
“She’s crying uncontrollably,” said Stella.
“That’s your problem.”
“Cathy, she’s your responsibility.”
“No–you stirred this up, that’s yours.”
“I can’t calm her down.”
“Next time you bloody well listen and when I say not to do something, if you insist on it–you can clean up the fucking mess–now get out of my way,” I pushed her aside and went into the sobbing teenager.
“It’s okay, it’s over–he won’t hurt you now–he can’t hurt you now. I won’t let him. I’ve invited Stephanie over this evening to see you. So come on, dry those tears.”
“I can’t believe someone hated me so much they wanted to kill me,” she sobbed.
“He doesn’t–he loves you, so much he didn’t want to share you.”
“So how could he hurt me?”
I sat next to her and she stood up and plonked herself down on my lap and sobbed on my shoulder.
“Sometimes love is a very difficult emotion to handle and some people put conditions on it that it should never carry, but that seems to be the only way they can cope with it. Love, in my estimation should be inclusive and expansive–but that’s just my take on it. It isn’t definitive. Your dad’s was obviously much more possessive and he’s paying for it now–he’s lost you.”
“I’m so glad you found me, Mummy, I’d be dead so many times–wouldn’t I?”
“I can’t answer that, can I? But I’m glad I found you too.”
“You’ve taught me so much–you’re such a wise lady.”
“Me? I’m not, you’ve taught me a load of things too, so I propose we carry on educating each other for the next umpteen years–hopefully then we’ll both be a bit wiser, won’t we?”
“I love you, Mummy.”
“I love you too, sweetheart–but I have to go and collect the girls and some stuff for dinner.”
“Can I come too?”
“If you hurry.”
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Comments
973
That's a rough chapter! Something like that can't be easy to live with, but he's (her father) living with it, too.
Portia
Portia
+1 vote
I think this is the first comment. Vote +1. Please keep them coming. I always look forward to my daily dose of Bike.
V/r Jeff B.
Edit: Well second comment is still good :-)
Sometimes...
>> Sometimes love is a very difficult emotion to handle and some people put conditions on it that it should never carry
And yet she stands aside and lets her child suffer because she has an idea of perfection which Stella doesn't quite live up to and she wants to make a rhetorical point to punish 'bad girl' Stella. Whoops! Punished Julie too! Made her miserable, even after she'd begged for the truth. Dang! Pot. Kettle. Black.
Right on, Stella. You go, grrl.
Cheers,
Puddin'
-
Cheers,
Puddin'
A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style
Julie’s problem(s)
Angharad
This can't have been an easy chapter to write, and I think you've done a fine job with it.
I just hope that Stephanie's skills are able to ease things for Julie.
My SOED6 shows only noun and adjectival uses for catastrophe, so I guess I'm learning too!
Psychological Stress
Bike Archive
Bike Resources
It's a term
Used in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, and is about seeing catastrophes where there aren't any - one of a group of distorted cognitions.(I do love jargon).
see link: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-catastrophizing/
Angharad
Angharad
catastrophism
A term used in geology to mean that many geological features are formed through dramatic and unusual events, like the eruption of volcanoes, floods, seismic shifts in the landscape, and other rapid changes, not to mention the synthesis of every element heavier than hydrogen and helium in the hearts of stars and then violently spewed into the depths of space, which implies an underlying verb which doesn't exist in that context, as one has baptism from baptise, all of which proves that catastrophes make the world go round.
Cheers,
Puddin'
-
Cheers,
Puddin'
A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style
*Sigh*
There is not much to say in such a sitch. He did try to kill her and if it was around any other mortal but Cathy it would have happened.
So should Julie have been told?
That's a hard one. Stella has to grow up and learn to deal with the consequences of things she starts. But was it right to tell her? On one hand, she needs to have a realistic understanding of her parents - creeps that they are - but on the other hand doe it breaks too many eggs to give him the opportunity to somehow make amends somehow? That is the worst part of knowing it makes it so much more difficult to make amends, leaving two very hurt people with no way to fix things.
Kim
I can't believe the bastard is not behind bars!
I have often felt that a part of me was dead or somehow damaged. I hated my stepfather and was actually happy when he died. He inflicted horrible things on the family, especially me. My Mom was distant, abusive and brutal at times, but I never actually hated her. I just avoided her. My Father, who I did not meet until I was 28, was the best. Still he was not with me enough at that age to develop much of an attachment to.
So, I am sorry, I am having a hard time visualizing Julie having a big attachment to Him or her Mom. Still, all the shit she went through has perhaps left her a bit traumatized.
I wonder what a normal person would think of this?
Nice Writing
Gwen
The pink room.
I can just see Stella doin' herself again? The woman is fundamentally unstable. It is that or Julie doin' it!
Gad, I don't think either of them could be said to be anything but dangerous to themselves right now.
Ben there, done that, ain't goin there again, Inshallah.
Much Peace
Gwen
It's tough one isn't it.
A love that becomes so intensively dysfunctional it turns into a possesive obsession which if rejected leads to murder.
Just how many times does that happen where men turn into control freaks. And then become murderous.
I wonder if there will ever be reconciliation betwixt parents and child. I suspect Cathy might wonder if it's possible because she never fully reached requittal with her own parents and she still feels the loss.
That I think is the issue here. The problem is as much Cathys' as it is Julies'.
Good luck Cathy, this is a huge can of worms.
Not sure if I like this post. If we never found parental reconciliation it's always an issue and it stays with us to the grave.
I'll keep reading though, (and commenting,) cos it's still a bloody good read.
XOXOXO
Beverly.
Dilemmas
Situations like that are very difficult to handle. On the one hand, she has a right to know that dad did slit her throat before Cathy promptly healed it back up. On the other, she isn't really old or experienced enough to adequately deal with the knowledge. It was such a traumatic event it's unlikely ever to be completely forgotten - although hopefully with the assistance of both Cathy and Stephanie (handy having a psych on speed dial!) she won't go on to develop PTSD.
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Julie and PTSD
I would think she is already experiencing PTSD, to wit, she has had nightmares about her throat being cut several times.
In one sense, it is good that she knows that it happened, in another, it isn't, as it will only make her hate her father even more. I just hope that she can eventually let that hate go, which might be helped by meeting her father at some point later on in a controlled environment.
It's a good thing that Steph will be available to help Julie through this, although Stella and Cathy both seem to have helped her somewhat.
Bike pt 973
Julie learned a hard lesson. Will it darken her soul?
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Hey, the chapter number
matches my area code (phone). LOL
But, back to the story. I quite understand where Cathy was coming from, not wanting to tell Julie. Sadly, Stella didn't seem to understand. *sighs* I also understand Cathy's answering with the truth, even when it hurts - if it can't be avoided. Yes, been there, done that. *sighs* When Cathy lets herself, she's such a nurturing individual. She's also got a temper and a half, at least.
Love? Not always easy. Rarely logical. Powerful!
Thanks for this episode. It had a LOT to say.
Ann
Yes, well, Stella blew it.
But, she is stella. :)
I suppose that many of us have incidents in our lives that we forget and do not remember for many years. And one teacher of mine once said to our class that perhaps our brains shunt some of the more traumatic occurances off to a dark corner until we grow and can better handle them. If we tried to deal with them in every day life, we'd be overwhelmed.
One one hand, there are some things that I wish I had remembered or found out about many years earlier, so they could have done me some good, but on the other, they certainly would have disrupted the lives of the family I was trying to raise. It was what it was.
Much Peace
Gwen
Everyone has issues
Unless one is trained to recognise and minimise issues, such as therapists when working with clients, one has to remember that everyone else has issues which are going to influence the hows and whys of any interaction.
In my stories the heroes/heroines are as flawed as the villains, the difference is they try to cope with their imperfections most of the time, whereas the villains don't.
If I haven't dealt satisfactorily with the multiplicity of this complex interaction between three people where emotions of all three are whizzing around, I apologise and will endeavour to do better in the future.
Angharad
Angharad
I hope...
you didn't take my comment as criticism of your "attempt" (successful, IMO) to have characters that cope. I find things fascinating. And, not being IN the situation, I find it soooo easy to "second guess" the characters. (Armchair General/Admiral comes to mind as a description...) Heck, I'm disappointed at myself on occasion (no, I'm writing this, so I don't have to admit to how many times, though, if you were to ask my daughters or wife...).
I find the interactions and play of characters in the story (okay, stories as you've several others I've really enjoyed as well) very compelling.
Now, if you plan to do even better in the future, I won't complain. :-) (Not sure how one would manage, as it's so good now, but if you found a way, I'd not complain!)
Thanks,
Ann
Julie
I think Julie needed to know. It is an issue where her personal safety is at stake.
Maybe her father has changed, but I would never trust him alone with her again. Given time maybe that would change, but the time has to lapse first.
l cannot begin
to understand what Julie must be feeling now, Having discovered what her dad had tried to do to her.
Anger,Revenge,Bewilderment, Are just three of the many emotions Julie must have felt as she tried to come to terms with what Cathy had told her
Thankfully Cathy has realised that the time for any amateur psychology is now past and that Julie now needs professional help too help her deal with the trauma.
I would imagine this would not not have been an easy chapter to write Angharad but as usual you handled it well......Compelling reading.
Kirri
" Take me wallaby back, Jack " ( Rolf Harris)
'The Blue Light Special'(Blues Band) Tell her the blue velvet fog cured her, and brought her back. (Bobby Vinton, Mel Torme) (Stop me, please, help!).
I'm attacked by old songs, (ask the author of a cruise ship tour).
The poor kid has been having nightmares, the subconscious at work.
Good thing Stella took the bull by the horns, and told Julie.
Don't you hate it when Ang brain beats us with those big words, and logic ?
Cefin