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(aka Bike) Part 999 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad
All Rights Reserved. |
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By the time I’d got the boys to bed I was practically sleepwalking myself. I changed quickly, probably inadequately brushed my teeth, and fell into bed–whereupon my mind began to whirl and question my decision about the job.
I must have fallen asleep because I woke up aware of another body in the bed, I turned expecting it to be Julie, and was surprised to see it was Billy. I glanced at the clock, it was six in the morning and the sun was shining through a crack in the curtains, which was probably what had woken me up.
I could have gone back to sleep for another hour or so, instead, I lay there wondering why Billy had come into my bed, and was he going to make a habit of it? It seems I just manage to get rid of one of the kids and another takes advantage of it.
I suppose my movement must have woken him because his eyes flickered and opened, “Hello, Mummy,” he offered sleepily.
“Hello, sweetheart, why are you sleeping in my bed?”
“I–um–couldn’t sleep.”
“Why?”
“I dunno, do I?”
“I don’t know either, which is why I was asking you.”
“Oh yeah, I suppose so.”
“You haven’t answered me, have you?”
“No, Mummy.”
“Are you worried about something?”
“Don’t think so.”
“Nothing worrying you in school?”
“No more than usual.”
“Anything I should know about?”
“Don’t think so.”
“So what are you worrying about?”
“Nothin’,” he said and began to sob.
Wonderful, just what I need with so much to do today. “If it’s nothing, why are you crying?”
“I’m embarrassed to tell you.”
“Why should you be embarrassed? I’d hope you could tell me anything without fear of embarrassment or rejection.”
“Because it sounds silly.”
“Things which we fear often sound silly when taken out of context, but I hope you feel safe enough with me to be able to tell me. Do you?”
He paused and sniffed, wiped his eyes and nose on the back of his hand until I reached over and handed him a paper tissue.
“Right, what’s the problem?”
“It’s silly.”
“I like silly ones, I can usually sort those.”
He blew his nose. “You’re the first real mummy, I’ve ever had.”
I smiled at him and brushed his hair off his face, “Thank you, sweetheart, that’s made my day.”
He smiled but tears filled his eyes again and he sobbed once more.
“Hey, c’mon, no need for tears, besides you’ll shrink the pillows.”
He sniggered and wiped his eyes with the tissue.
“Right, now slowly and gently, tell me, what’s the problem. There is no need to cry I won’t tell anyone else, so you needn’t feel embarrassed. Take a deep breath and tell me.”
He sucked in half the available oxygen in southern England and spoke very rapidly. So I stopped him, made him take a smaller, deep breath and start again.
“Danny an’ me think you’d like us better if we was girls.” He blushed bright red.
I looked at him trying to think what to say. It was partly true, insofar as it would make some things easier, but it would also make one or two things harder. But I had no desire for any more girls in the house. Fighting for the bathroom was hard enough now.
“Do you really think that?” I asked him, feeling guilty.
“Dunno,” he said almost furtively.
“Look the other day you suggested you were worried that I wanted to turn you into girls, I’d hoped we’d discussed that enough for you to realise it wasn’t the case. Or don’t you believe me?”
“I do believe you, Mummy, but I think you like girls more than boys.”
“I can assure you I don’t, and I apologise if I gave that impression. I find it easier to cope with girls, but that’s because I’m a woman, but I love you just as much as the other children.”
“Danny an’ me aren’t sure that you like boys.”
“What have I got to do to prove it to you?”
He looked away, and with embarrassment said, “I dunno.”
“I’m sorry if I’m not very good with boy things, and the girls do tend to grab much of my attention, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you–just that I find it harder to show it to you because I’m unsure how you want me to do it.”
I bent over him and kissed him on the forehead. “I’m doing all I can to adopt you, does that show you anything? I hope it’s what you want.”
“It is, Mummy.”
“Will that make you feel more equal to the girls?”
“I s’pose so.”
“Look, I didn’t start the adoption process as quickly with you because I’d already had the girls here for some while before you and Danny came to live with us. We all had to see how we got on before we could even arrange for you to stay on a longer term basis. If you remember, you were sent here just for a Christmas holiday, and that was nearly six months ago. I’m happy to say you both settled in very quickly and I like to think I have six children here, four girls and two boys.”
“’Cept two of the girls were boys.”
“I didn’t turn them into girls–they were already calling themselves girls before I met them. Both of them had injuries and they recovered while with me. I didn’t make them into girls, I just provided a safe place for them to see if that was what they wanted to do. It turned out, or at least so far it has, that it is what they want to do. And if you or Danny, decided it was also what you wanted to do, I’d help you as well although I think I’d be happier if you were just normal boys. You don’t want to be a girl–do you?”
“If you and Daddy loved me more, I would,” he began to cry again.
I put my arm around him, “C’mon, don’t be silly–I wouldn’t love you any more than I do now, but if you want to try being a girl, you can.” I hoped that such a suggestion would put him off rather than encourage him, because I didn’t think for one minute it was what he wanted or needed.
“I don’t know,” he sniffed.
“C’mon up you get, we’ll have some breakfast and then we’ll pop into the shops and get you a nice dress or a skirt and top, oh and a swimsuit for the party this afternoon, and perhaps some nice pink nail varnish for your fingers and toes. Would you like that?”
He lay there and cried. Just what I needed. I could understand he was anxious, although I was trying to reassure him that he was wanted and loved by all of us. Maybe I was being a bit cruel, but I felt some of this was attention seeking–not entirely unexpected given his insecurity–and needed to be challenged.
“Let’s go and get some breakfast while you decide what you want to be today, Billy the boy or Billie the girl. I don’t mind and I’m sure none of the others will, although they might be surprised if you did change over–but feel free to experiment if it’s what you want to do. But I don’t have anything in your size, so we need to go and buy it and soon, before the rush hour starts.”
I went into the bathroom and left him to make his own decision, secretly dreading it if he decided he’d call my bluff and I’d have to take him out to buy a skirt.
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Comments
wow
all i can say i got to see what happend next darn you author and all your cliffhangers your all costing me a fortune in climbing gear just trying to stay on the cliff while waiting to see what happens next
well thank you
darn fingernails i have got to quit chewing on them it totally recks them
thank you with hugs from sarav
Insecurities
It's not surprising the boys are insecure. All they've experienced is abuse and rejection. Cathy's place is the first place they've found acceptance.
She'd better get on with those adoptions though. Clock's a'tickin'!
One more to the big Oh,Oh,Oh.
Ho, ho,ho and we all thought it was going to stop at that.
No way, there's just too much stuff to cover unless the last post is a flippin' whole novel!
Still lovin it. Still keeping the same crazy hours.
Brilliant stuff Angharad.
OXOXOX
Beverly.
Poor confused lad!
In a house with six females (half of which are genetic, half transgendered), it's not entirely surprising the boys feel a little neglected, out of their depth, and wondering if they'd fit in easier as female - especially as Tom currently spends a large part of the day at the university and Simon only visits at weekends. If Tom does retire as a result of the UN post débâcle, he'll hopefully be around a bit more to provide them with more of a male role model.
On the other hand, it may be more than coincidence that their names can easily morph to Dani and Billie...
Perhaps we'll find out in the Kilobike (metric version) - personally, being a geek, I'm waiting for the 210 interpretation of Kilobike (besides which, it's almost a homonym of Kilobyte) :)
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
I didn’t see that one coming!
Well done Angharad (or Bonzi—depending on who thought up this plot twist).
I suspect this is really just a cry for attention. If Simon was home a bit more often, Billy might receive more of what he needs.
If Billy decides to be Billie, a visit to Dr Stephanie might be in order.
Possibly Surprised
Bike Archive
Bike Resources
Do I Detect the Paw of Bonzi…
…in this episode? Could it be the beginning of a new story?
Congrats on the first 999, Angie, the Milennium edition is sure to be a corker.
Hugs,
Hilary (& ’er upstairs asleep – I hope)
Bike pt 999
Cathy is playing with fire, hopefully nobody gets burnt.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
The boys still have problems
The boys still have problems regarding their status in the family and that should be expected, as they have been shifted from foster family to foster family most of their lives. I believe that Cathy and Simon' little family is the most settled and secure one they have enjoyed to date. With all of the angst being shown by billy/billie, perhaps chapter 1000 can be called 'Billie and the Green dress' as Billy gives girlhood a whirl. Of the two boys, he seems to be the most upset about the boys vs girls issue. Jan
THE DORMOUSE
ALISON
Being confined to bed for several weeks,I managed to read the script from Number 1 right through
and here I am still wondering what will go on when we get to episode 1,000 !Most enjoyable and
the subltety of your humour is not lost on a geriatric delinquent like me.Thank you for a marvellous
and entertaining story and congratulations on the 1,000 mark.
ALISON
Bad Idea
Kids can be very insecure. The way I read the situation (that you wrote), Billy needed reassurance, not more doubt. A very firm, "I don't want any more girls. I like you just the way you are," would have been much better, imho.
Cathy's humour may have just done Billy some harm
Some kids are very trusting or want to be and take things quite literally.
Cathy may have accidently hurt the boy though some have argued he or was it the other boy shows some tendency towards being TG. I side with Pippa on this one, Cathy should have turned off the joking and simply reasured the child but then nobody's perfect.
BTW 999 is 666 upsidedown. Did the Devil make Kathy do it?
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
But if she follows through...
on her intention to "call his bluff," huge amounts of publicity and dramatic tension could ensue as she's brought up on charges of child endangerment.
Cathy has on many occasions demonstrated that she's her own worst enemy, so unfortunate consequences she didn't quite foresee wouldn't be at all exceptional.
Cheers,
Puddin'
-
Cheers,
Puddin'
A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style
"I don't want any more girls. I like you just the way you are."
That would have been a good idea if Cathy was absolutely sure that he wants to remain a he. If he has his doubts, then the message is, "Sorry, but we have our quota of t-girls. You're stuck as a male."
If he does decide to dress as an experiment, Cathy needs to, at the very least, confer with her pet psychologist.
Come to think of it, the kid could use some counseling either way.
Cavalier?
I'm glad you are including the boys more in the story line. I do feel Cathy is taking too cavalier an attitude to the boys' insecurities. This is not the time for her humor.
It does look like some family crises is about to happen with the job offer, the boys' anxieties and Tom's situation on recommending and then leaking Cathy's "acceptance". In the past, you found positive solutions to these issues.
I've been looking for clues to the 1000th installment, but come up empty. Every time I think I know, you throw a curve. I do know one thing, I will know with the next installment. How's that for a grasp of the obvious?
Keep up the effort. I love ending my day with EAFOAB.
Hugs,
Trish-Ann
~There is no reality, only perception~
Hugs,
Trish Ann
~There is no reality, only perception~
Speaking of family crisis
I wonder if there is anything behind Simon's less than enthusiastic farewell to Cathy the previous night?
Kirri
Very Subjective!
For an observstion, Trish-Ann, your "there is no reality, only perception!" is a very subjective one!
Whilst I have to concede that we miserable defective life-forms can only detect aspects of the real universe that our limited senses permit us to, we have for example developed through our technology ways of "seeing" wavelengths of radiation way beyond our narrow eyesight spectra, of hearing sounds that are both ultra and infra what our defective ears can hear, and so on for all our other senses, and when we approach something with several different senses and different apparatuses, and all concur in their description of an objective or phenomenon, then surely we have to agree that we have gained an Objective image of that reality?
And when you start to look into things with the tools of mathematics, mere perception becomes very secondary in delivering us information about reality.
Briar
Briar
I would be surprised if it wasn't subjective, dear friend
seeing how it's written under her name as part of her signature. It's a quote from Gustave Flaubert, by the way. Congratulations to Angharad, by the way for 999 for all the fun and entertainment your Cameron clan has provided. Thank you.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Con grande amore e di affetto, Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
>> Objective image of that reality?
Not at all. Everything we perceive comes to us filtered through the limits of our sensoria and brains.
In reality, there is no such thing as music, but only vibrations in various media. Our perceptions arrange a limited subset of those sounds into coherence, but other arrangements are possible, and other selections. The fact that we perceive these sounds as being related to each other is an artefact of our brains, as we can easily see if we look at a sonogram.
Stop! Hey! What's that sound? Everybody look what's going down.
Hint: It's a female voice saying "You're wonderful."
Now wasn't that easy?
Likewise, there are no colours, but only light. It's our perception that limits what we see into three or four wavelengths, and our brains that falsely construct "colours" in thousands of "shades" out of what are, in reality, just three or four wavelengths. That's why colour televisions and computer monitors are able to show us what we perceive as "full colour" by varying the brightness of an array of three-colour groups of glowing dots. The connections between them, which don't exist in reality, are supplied by our defective eyes and brains.
Here's an example.
The page shows how three-colour images are combined into "normal" "full-colour" pictures, as well as three different varieties of "colour-blindness," but fails to note that all the images show various levels of colour blindness, since there is a fourth color perceptible by some women which can never be displayed on a computer monitor, nor seen by any man, because monitors were designed by men who couldn't see "true" "full-colour" images.
Tetrachromats
Fascinating... as Spock might say.
Cheers,
Puddin'
-
Cheers,
Puddin'
A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style
Let's start the drum roll
for the 1k dormouse.
and hope we get 2k and 3k and ....
keep it going Angh
Would you go for it?
I wonder how many of us were offered something like this and out of fear of betraying our true self we dropped it like a hot potato? Between my mom and a few girlfriends I had so many innocent opportunities to do so and each time I "put up the good fight" while my heart was screaming YES, DO IT!
Does One Have The Choice?
There is a limit to how much real choice a small child has in such matters, MsChristine - one's Mother is so all-powerful that a child, that is totally dependent upon her for everything - food, warmth, clothing, cuddles, even learning language, that any child must be so easy to manipulate into becoming whatever a mother wants it to.
When I was little I spent some time as one thing, then some as another, then back to the first, then was switched again, until I was totally confused about gender matters. Later on, when I could express myself better, I still was not sure I wanted to settle for being one or the other. I probably never finally decided, but the differences dont seem that important anymore and I have learned to let others decide for themsleves what they want to see me as - as one, as the other, as neither, or as both! A bit like Schroedinger's Cat, that was alive and dead and neither and both, all at the same time!
I wonder if Bonsi feels like that sometimes too?
Briar
Briar
Little boys can be sweet
so why should Cathy want to change them. However, when they grow up to be men though ;-).
However, Cathy needs to throw as much reassurance out there for her boys as she can. Simon has done some stuff with them but he is not around nearly enough. She is the prime caregiver in the home and the boys realize that. Cathy needs to learn to develop a closer mother-son relationship with them since right now her boys kinda feel they are hanging out there in the social fringe, holding on by their finger nails, lest they be thrown off, and not in the central social axis in a predominantly female household.
However, that said, gender exploration is not unknown at their age but it has to be done with care and kindness that being a boy is okay. In the right dose, this could give the boys a better understanding of their sisters but yeah, bring in the professional (Stephanie) to help make sure this is done right.
Kim
I don't know what to make of her approach exactly.
I can see being open and accepting, but it does kinda seem like she's pushing him into the pool to see if he can swim. I guess I'll just hang out on my favorite cliff and do some birding.
Abby
Oh I just realized, this is pre-millenial edition of The 'Mouse
And may the tales of their tails will bring us joy, tears, happiness, sorrow, love, compassion, excitement, fear, anger, pride and endearment to all of us loyal fans.
Thank you so much for gracing us with your gift of prose that is bestowed on so few.
Kim
PS- and you too Bonzi!
Another cliff to fall off
Another cliff to fall off of. You really aren't fair to people like me who have no grip to speak of and keeping falling off these cliffs! ;)
I'm not sure if Cathy's approach here is good or bad, there are arguments both ways that make sense. But she and these kids genuinely love each other as much, if not more, than any biological family. I'm sure they'll work it out. So what kind of super high cliff are you going to drop me off of for the big 1K? :)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
999
I tend to agree with a lot of the consensus, Cathy needs to send the message I love you just the way you are.
Of course, if Billy wanted to experiment that is a different issue. But I get the strong feeling that he is doing it to be loved, which is very bad.
So, here we are, into the millennial, almost.
Woof, you're tough !
Cripes, you really don't like boys after telling him that. That line about a skirt crushed him. Good show!
Crush Tom, now crush Billy. Is he going to use the same tree you sent Julie to.?
Cefin