(aka Bike) Part 993 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad
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I leafed through the papers, they all described me as an excellent choice. One even described me as, ‘a nice piece of totty who shouldn’t be too much trouble to manoeuvre at meetings.’
“Who is Gordon Clegg?” I asked.
“He’s professor of ecology at Cambridge.”
“Which college?”
“St James, why?”
“If he’s such a leading light, how come I haven’t heard of him?”
“He’s been quiet for the last few years, but accepted the nomination for the committee.”
“Why does he think, I’m a piece of totty?”
“Compared to him, you’re young, attractive and sexy–he has seen your dormouse programme, and he thinks you’d present the committee equally well.”
“You mean he thinks I’m a mini-skirted bimbo?”
Gareth blushed, “Um.”
“So is that what the others think I am?”
He was still blushing furiously, “No, of course not.”
“None of them mention my fieldwork, only the film. They do think I’m just a token woman for them all to issue orders to while I make the tea.”
“I’m sure they don’t.”
“Is that what you think?”
“Good grief, no. I’ve seen you in action and I’m aware how talented you are. I really want you to do this.”
“I’m tempted just to show that bunch of old farts that women can run things besides dinner parties.”
“Why don’t you then, or are you all talk, like them?”
“I have to go and collect three little maids from school.”
“Take this job, Cathy, after your family, it could be the most important thing you do to save the planet and your beloved dormice.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Apart from missing out on the biggest professional thing you’d ever do, the committee would miss out on having one of the most intelligent and articulate spokeswomen it could possibly have.”
“You forgot, big tits.”
He blushed and spluttered. “That isn’t a consideration in my book. But to see a woman breaking though the glass ceiling is.”
“What, even a fake one?”
“I wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself, Cathy. You’re as real as any other woman I know; so why do you have to keep beating yourself up about your past?”
“Habit, I suppose–I have to go.”
“What about the committee?”
“What about it?” I called back.
“Will you do it?”
“I might.” I closed the front door and was in my car and out of the drive before he could move.
Silly old fools, women are just as clever as they are, so one of them can make the tea. I’ve got a damn good mind to do it just to show them what sexist morons they are. Now to the important stuff–do I wear a plunge top and miniskirt to the first meeting?
“Hello, Mummy, Trish is still talking to the teacher,” announced Livvie as I went to collect them.
“What about?”
“She thinks that God is as wicked as people are or he’d have turned off the volcano which is stopping people from going on holiday and working.”
“I hope she didn’t say so?”
“She did. The teacher was furious.”
“I’m not surprised.”
The headmistress came out of her office and called over to us. “I think you need to have words with your Patricia, she’s disrupting our religious education classes more than John Knox and Attila the Hun did together.”
“Can she not just miss out on them?”
“No, they are part of the curriculum.”
“Isn’t a challenging and questioning mind a good thing?” I asked, I hoped in a neutral way.
“Yes, but not in the context of stirring up dissent amongst her fellow pupils, and causing two of my staff to have crises of faith.”
“She is six years old.”
“Jesus was only twelve when He held discourses in the temple.”
“That’s twice Trish’s age and the Jewish tradition encouraged religious argument.”
“Yes, but Trish has the advantage of being female.” She muttered a little prayer presumably for her blasphemy.
“So do most of your teachers.”
“The little divil is far cleverer than most o’them, and twice as determined. Only last week she asked how Noah could have put lions and zebras together in the same boat, and what happened to the woodworm?”
“I always wondered where the gophers were in the wood he ordered.”
“I can see where she gets it from, like mother like daughter.”
I blushed and Livvie squeezed my hand and smirked.
“So how come you’re not with your sister?” I asked her, “You’re just as challenging as she is?”
“This one’s speciality is arithmetic and spelling. She’s corrected her teacher twice on both spelling and addition mistakes, haven’t you, Livvie?”
“Is that correct?” not that I doubted the veracity of Sister Maria’s statement, but I had to have something to say to the child.
Livvie fidgeted uncomfortably and avoided eye contact, eventually nodding to answer my question.
“What was the word she spelt wrongly?”
“Potato.”
“She added an extra ‘e’ did she?” I asked.
Livvie nodded, and told me that the sum she corrected was because the teacher forgot to carry two over.
Mima walked over towards us and Livvie slipped her hand out of mine and ran to play with her. “You are going to have some challenging experiences of motherhood when those two little madams grow a bit.”
“They read voraciously, and it’s off putting to be challenged on your decision because the Children’s Britannica says something different.”
“I’m sure you did the same, oh and congratulations on your appointment. Now you really must come and speak to our speech day assembly.
“My appointment?”
“Yes, your job with the United Nations. It was front page news in the Echo.”
“Was it now?”
“Oh dear, have I said the wrong thing?”
“No, not at all, except they might have jumped the gun a trifle.”
“In what way?”
“I haven’t agreed to do it yet.”
“Oh, well someone has got hold of the wrong end of the stick, because it said how delighted your family was and what prestige it bestowed on the university and your mammal survey.”
“D’you mind if I collect my little philosopher and go home, I have some phone calls to make.”
“I’ll go and get her,” Sister Maria marched off to the classroom where Trish was probably still arguing the toss.
“Did we get you into trouble, Mummy?” asked the breathless Livvie.
“No, sweetheart, I do most of it myself.”
“Oh, are you in trouble, Mummy?”
“Only if I commit the murders I’m thinking about.”
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Comments
Short But Sweet
It must have been the volcano.
Portia
Portia
Very Sweet
But the volcano isn't the worst thing that's about to erupt!
Time to bring out the bow and arrow again
and shoot those sanctimonious arseholes so they can't reproduce themselves.
Total bollocks.
Kim
That's at least six mistakes
and all before dinner. Methinks Gareth et al are about to have what is colloquially known as combined earache.
Do not, I repeat, do not let Cathy near a telephone.
Susie
Earache?
Personally, I suspect their pain is going to be a bit lower down. See, you take all those papers, then you fold them until they are all sharp corners, then you take them and . . . buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz mzyfthisghlebtropgemcvxeeeeezzzzzzztttt . . . no Vaseline.
Karen J.
"Being a girl is wonderful and to torture someone into that would be like the exact opposite of what it's like. I don’t know how anyone could act that way." College Girl - poetheather
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.” - Turkish Proverb
RIP Gareth Sage
No wonder he was so insistent on getting Cathy to accept - he'd already accepted on her behalf...and blabbed to the media.
Well, I presume it was him, since he proposed her for the position in the first place.
But once she's finished torturing him, it might be worthwhile finding out exactly what this job entails and what kind of time commitment it requires before deciding what to do.
Only a week to go now until we have a grand (virtual) party - and I'll try and get the summaries up to date by then so I can add the link to my signature, then PS and I can reveal our latest hare-brained scheme...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Bike pt 993
Hurricane Cathy is about to do some damage that'll make the Iceland volcano look tame by comparison
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
have to agree
Wonder if the article talks about spokesperson Garreth who told them ...
Sad that the stogy old professors look at Cathy as a bit of female fluff. No I have to wonder if they are soon to learn just how wrong they are. Of course one will probably have a heart attack right in the meeting leaving Cathy with no choice but to reveal more of her self than she wants to.
Love that the kids are getting the best of the teachers. Always enjoy it when good kids make trouble the right way.
The last line ...
... says it all. So I need add nothing ;)
Robi
Not willing to just ask
and attempt to bribe her to the deed. They try coercion and try to get her to feel constrained to do it cause it's been announced to the world...
It will look strange if they have to "retract" it. Quite a mess they've made here.
Loved the kids asking the hard questions. We have two daughters that have had issues with similar things (um... And, I was one of those kids who corrected teachers. Took a while to learn to do it without sounding TOOO smarty. I never did real good at not sounding too smarty though.)
Thanks,
Ann
Gareth Used Reverse Psychology
Gareth used Reverse Psychology by telling Cathy about the rest of the committee not accepting her as anything more than a pretty face. He knew he had to pull out all the stops because he had already told the Press that she was doing it. Maybe Cathy could use one of her kitchen knives on Gareth and do a homemade SRS. That way, "Garetha" could go be the token window dressing instead of Cathy. I imagine Stella would protest loudly, but he deserves to have something extreme done to him for this.
Token Window Dressing?
More like Token Widow Dressing methinks!
“I've got a luverly bunch of coconuts,†sings Gareth, until Cathy comes along and gives ’em a twist, a flick of the wrist——
Aaah, poor Gareth. Everybody say Aaaaaaaaaah.
Gabi.
Gabi.
Nah, I like the bow and arrow method lots better
as it has the beauty of simplicity and speed and elegance in its application. Well granted Gareth will have to be positioned just right. But an arrow in the right place could provide him with instantaneous disruption of testosterone production and a vagina in one easy step ;-). Unfortunately it will take a surgeon to remove the dilator for this surgery, but hey at least its fast :)
It also does to him what he is doing to Cathy - getting shafted - so, fair is fair, right? :)
Kim
Bag—open. Cat—gone!
Oh dear, more trouble at mill. Who opened the bag, I wonder?
Or maybe it was a can—of worms.
Cathy's justifiably unhappy (again), and someone is going to cop her anger.
If she does take up the role on the committee, the first meeting is definitely going to be a hoot. Angharad, please book us flies a spot on the wall for that one.
Preferential Seating
Bike Archive
Bike Resources
These kid's....what am I gonna do with 'em
I'm glad to see that Angharad is back to doing more kid's stuff. It's the best part of the whole series.
JessicaLK
JessicaLK
‘a nice piece of totty'
‘a nice piece of totty who shouldn’t be too much trouble to manoeuvre at meetings.’
Har!
Hardy Har Har!
Someone doesn't know her at all.
I Agree!
I agree! I can see her march into the meeting room with the theme to "Highlander" playing in the background and a sword in her hand because Heads Will Roll! In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny "He don't know me very well do he?
I hope Cathy doesn't let
I hope Cathy doesn't let Gareth manipulate her into taking this job. It would serve him, and the rest of that lot, right to be stuck when she (publicly?) refuses the job. And sues the Echo while she's at it! :)
Love the kids; I always like to get people to think and it sounds like that's exactly what Trish is doing. She sounds a lot like a much more outgoing version of me at that age. I went to Sunday school for a while, until I told my mother I didn't want to go anymore because I didn't believe in god (I thought then, and now, that most of the stuff we were taught made little to no sense, like the ark). Now I wish I'd asked questions like Trish did instead of keeping quiet as I always did! ;)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Whoops!!!
Sounds like someone has jumped the gun in talking to the papers.....Just when Gareth must have thought he was home and dry.....Now i wonder which little bird has been talking?......
Kirri
Volcanoes.
Firstly, it's brilliant when youngsters put teachers in a quandary. But as several commentors have already added, they have to do it tactfully.
Academic egos are just about the most fragile and delicate living things!
As to the volcanoes well, it'll be hard to do anything about either of them. My advice to anybody under threat from either of them is 'go and live in the Southern hemisphere'.
Now, about comittees, well I'm Welsh, I daren't say anything about comittees.
Come to think of it, Gareth's Welsh isn't he? That's maybe why he thinks committees are good things.
I'm still loving it, sorry I missed posting to the last ephisode, (busy, busy),
Hoping against hope that these posts go on past 1000, (A long long way beyond a 1000.)
Still loving it!
OXOXOX.
Beverly.
In the words of Thomas Jefferson...
"Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear."
It looks like Trish is in illustrious company with her thoughts on god.
I wonder if Cathy will take
I wonder if Cathy will take the job and put them in their place at the 1st commitee meeting with her usall tact and sense of humour, or maybe Trish and Livvie will tag along and show up thease stuffy professors as they have done with their teachers.
i think you all got it wrong
those old farts heard of the healer and hope Cathy will prolong their lifes.
Cathy and the kids
You know, a lot of academics may not like Cathy in charge, lest she get things done. They may not realize she is one herself (with the exception of one or two like Tom).
I could see the humor of this developing over time.
You could be the second Iron Maiden
A litte pagan rite is okay once in a while. First, find a virgin. Second, find am volcano. Third, combine the two. Presto !
Cathy,since it was in the newspaper it must be true. Congratulations !
Cefin