Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 970 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

I spent over an hour explaining to the police what had actually happened and eventually managed to convince them we were harmless and mostly law abiding as a household.

“So where is this pearl necklace they were after?” asked the younger of the two police officers.

“In a bank deposit box.”

“Have you had it valued?”

“We meant to, for insurance purposes, but in terms of value it’s worth far more to me as a link with my great grandmother than it is in purely monetary value.”

The young copper shook his head, “You can say that because you’re obviously well off. If you were poorer you may well think differently.”

“My uncle and aunt aren’t exactly poor, he had his own business.”

“Doing what?”

“He ran an abattoir.”

“Lovely,” said the copper.

“I suppose someone has to do it, or we’d all have to be vegetarians. I don’t think Uncle Arthur actually killed anything, he just owned it and organised things. Auntie Do, wouldn’t have let him do anything which made his hands dirty.”

“Did they have children?”

“Not as far as I know–so I suppose our little game must have seemed a bit too much for them.”

“Well your little girl is quite an actress, how do we know she’s not acting now?”

“Ask her. She’s truthful to the point of being painful.”

“One last question, Lady Cameron, why did they say you were their nephew?”

“Pure spitefulness, I suppose. They didn’t get what they wanted so they decided to try and queer my pitch.”

“But it’s an odd remark to make–I take it you’re not their nephew.”

“I think after this, I shall cut all ties with them.”

“You’re not answering the question–quite clearly you don’t appear to be male, so why would they say it?”

“They thought I was boy when I was born–that has since been corrected.”

“Looks like they made the right decision in the end then.”

“Was there any doubt?” I asked.

“No, but I wondered if you’d perhaps pulled more pranks on your aunt and uncle.”

“Not me, guv;” I joked, “Seriously, I don’t mess with the police, it would only cause trouble later.”

“Absolutely,” the copper stood up and, walking to the door said, “I see you’ve had dealings with us before, a regular crime-buster and life saver.”

“Why would you have records of that–as far as I know I broke no laws.”

“We keep records of everything. You don’t happen to know the woman who saved my nephew, do you? He was pretty broken up after a sledging accident according to the paramedics, yet he walked out of the hospital a couple of days later.”

“Me? I doubt it, I’m into dormice, not hospitals.”

“The description given was a bit like you.”

“I’m average–so it probably would be.”

“Average? I don’t think so, Lady Cameron. You’re very beautiful, very clever by all accounts and married to a millionaire–hardly average, is it?”

“I couldn’t possibly comment on any of those.”

“So you don’t know this woman miracle worker, then?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Oh well, if ever you do meet her, tell her thanks from my brother and from his boy.”

“I doubt that will happen, but if it does, I will.”

“Thanks.” The two policemen left the house and went back to their car just as Simon pulled up with a car load of children. He sent the kids on ahead and stopped to talk with the policemen. I didn’t notice how long they were talking but I know I’d talked to all the kids for several minutes before he came in.

“What was all that about?” I asked him.

“They’re on to you, my gel.”

“I’ll come quietly, copper.” I said as vulgarly as I could.

“I mean it,” he emphasised.

“But I ain’t done nuffin’ wrong, ‘ave I?”

“They know you’re the phantom healer or whatever.”

“How can they know that?”

“Your car was at the hospital each time a miracle happened.”

“No it wasn’t, so that shoots that theory down, when his nephew was injured, I couldn’t get the car out for the snow.”

“Oh yes, you’re quite right.”

“I know, so he’s guessing–I hope you didn’t confirm anything?”

He went bright red, “Um, only that you were all woman.”

“What business is that of his anyway? I think I’ll put in a formal complaint.”

“No need, Babes, I sent them off with a flea in their ears.”

“So why don’t I believe you?”

“How would I know?”

“What did you talk about then?”

“He asked me if you were the miracle woman? I told him you were a miracle to me and the kids.”

“That’s very kind of you, darling.”

“Nothing is too much for you, Babes.”

"Why don’t I believe you, Simon? “You’re too kind, darling. Now what did he say?”

“He asked about your visitors and I told him I went out with some of the kids just after they arrived. Then he asked if you ever took drugs–an’ naturally I said, of course she does.”

“Simon, how could you?”

“But only when she’s ill and goes to see the doctor.” He chuckled and I felt like slapping him one.

“He asked about accessing porn sites, an’ I told him he’d come to the wrong house. I said we don’t do drink, drugs, porn or sex.”

“Simon, you lying toad.”

“Oh yeah, we have some wine occasionally.” He snorted and only my gracious generosity spared his measly little life.

I raised my hand to slap him, “Ah ah, that is so uncouth.”

“You–you, hypocrite.” I felt totally exasperated by him and all he did was laugh.

“Babes, you need to calm down.”

“Calm down? I want to kill someone–you haven’t had two policemen asking you embarrassing questions for the past hour or so–just because that stupid Aunt and Uncle of mine believed what we told them.”

“You have such an honest face, of course they believed you.” He said this deadpan, then snorted and cracked up laughing.

“You rotten pig,” I said loudly and he just made pig-like grunts and nodded at me.

“What’s happening?” asked his arch nemesis.

“He’s pushing my buttons, Stella, that’s what.”

“Leave my sister alone or deal with me, you muckle heid.”

“Me a muckle head, ha–well you’re a muckle gob.”

At this point we began to attract an audience, of children. “I think that’s enough now,” I said loudly and nodded at the kids.

“Are you fighting?” asked Trish looking concerned.

“No, we’re just talking,” I replied.

“You were talking very loudly, we hardly needed the baby alarm.”

“You listened in to all that?”

“Um,” Trish and Livvie blushed, and the two boys edged towards the door.