OK, so, I've been "out" for a while. Just about everyone knows about me, lots of people who passed me with only a casual glance were already seeing a girl... So it was time to take the next step and drop the male facade completely.

Last night as I drove to work, I listened to a marriage therapist talk about the different needs men and women have in a relationship. According to him, Men need to feel successful, women need to feel safe.

If that's true, then I really am a woman, because safety was the quality that was really missing in my marriage. I dont blame my wife, a lot of it was my fault - I was the one with the massive secret called "Dorothy", after all.

But regardless of fault or blame, the fact is that I never felt safe in my relationship with my wife.

Or with most other people, in fact.

MY WISH

I wish you never look back
But you never forget
All the ones who loved you
And the place you left

I hope you always forgive
And you never regret
And you help somebody
Every chance you get

I would like to thank all the readers of my story "Leadership" and especially those that commented.

The comments left for my story inspired me to keep on keeping on when it comes to writing.

Huggles All

Angel

Last night, I started to have a flashback, and I found a new way to ground myself. I started clicking the button on my safety knife (its the knife I use at work to open boxes). The sound of the clicks somehow kept me from spiraling out of control.

Interesting, no?

I'm sorry that the wrong story has been posted.
SamanthaK does all the posting for me, and she is visiting with a friend this week, and I think she was having a little bit to much fun when she made this mistake.
I've texted her and pointed out the problem, but I'm not sure when it will be fixed.
Please bear with us for the time being and I hope to have it fixed soon.

Hugs

SaraUK

I get a lot of comments about the faith morality of Odyssey. I obviously support Christianity, but I do not believe it is exclusive, the only way to God. It is man who tries to limit access to God, not God.

True Christianity is the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Everything else is clutter. Faith is belief in God, a one on one relationship. Faith is God reaching out to us. For me Christianity is a good fit. THe problem with Christianity is religion. Religion is MAN making rules to limit God. Religion is the work of Satan to corrupt faith.

I suppose it was bound to happen. Nay, it was destined to happen. In fact I've done it to myself on purpose. In a little over a month's time I am set to begin hormone therapy, if I decide to go through with things. I purposefully set a time in motion for HRT as sort of a way to "put up or shut up" and it looks like shut up is about to win out.

wow, i dont think i have ever seen as much as said about one story as angels leadership.
robert

Well, just got two big pieces of news. First, the federal government has passed a law extending anti-discrimination protection to trans people, meaning we no longer have to worry about things like losing a job or being denied housing because of who we are.

The second big announcement is one that effects me personally. The Alberta government has announced that they will once again cover SRS. This means that once I get my 2nd opinion in December, I will go on the list, and once they clear the backlog, I will be whole.

I actually cried with happiness when I heard this.

Spotted on Google+, shared by a prominent Googler (Kristoffer Sorensen):

The Danish Folketing has voted overwhelmingly in favour of a full ecclesiastical marriage service in the national Evangelical-Lutheran church for homosexual couples, to be instituted as a full, official marriage equal to that of heterosexual couples. After a lengthy and sometimes heated debate, which ran some three hours over its expected time, 85 members voted in favour of the law, 24 against and with two abstentions.

Source: Politiken.dk

Apparently, the reason the Folketing can rule in this way is that the Protestant Church in Denmark is a State Church.

There are some trans people who somehow never doubt who they are, and can easily withstand any pressure to be anybody else.

But not me, I get moments of doubt.

When I was young, this doubt came partially out of fear - the fear that I had to be insane to have this feeling of femininity coming out of a body that was anything but female. So trying to disbelieve the feelings came a form of protection against that fear.

Ray Bradbury died last night at the age of 91, a unique voice whose writings will be treasured for centuries.

There saying on all the Net News spots thaT CALIFORNIA'S PROP 8 (SAME SEX MARRIAGE) IS HEADED TO THE FED SUPREME COURT IN WASH. DC. I just wonder if this will change the laws in both the states that voted for Same Sex Mar or voted against Same Sex Marriage like the voters just did in North Carolina reasonantly

Well tomorrow, my three-week stress fest commences as the biggest exam I will ever sit starts with English. Therefore, I won’t be on Big Closet (or the internet at all) until the 21st of June when I will be free for the rest of the summer. I cannot wait! The relief will be incredible! Anyway the first story I will be posting when I return will be Harry Potter and the Curse of the Emerald Witch — Part VI, the final and concluding chapter of the fan fiction novel along with the regular posting of a new Crossdressing Charlie episode! So, um, yep! That’s it!

 
When I'm feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
and I know I'll always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead

Perhaps to the world you're just one more,
but you're all the world to me

Well, I had a better day at work last night, and now I'm off for a couple, so I'm going to try and get a few things accomplished. But its not all rosy, as you can guess by the title of this entry, and that's because there are things in my head that kinda scare me, and I have a number of almost-mental-illness like conditions that are less than fun.

They include having some OCD-like traits -I'm not a neat freak, or a germ freak, but I have a number of "magic" little routines that seem to serve no purpose other than keep me calm. ...

Well, for those who have been anxiously waiting, "Quest for the Silver Cleric Chapter 1" is up.

I hope you all enjoy this, my longest story ever.

Not for the cat lover. Wait until this guy dies. I'll bet the cats will think of something for him.

http://on.aol.com/video/dead-pet-cat-is-turned-into-flying-h...

My ebook "Fool Moon" has just been reviewed at Bibrary.com as well as three 5-star reviews at Amazon! Coincidentally, at the same time it was reviewed, I was already doing a fine-tuning on the book that answered some readers' questions, and the New and Improved is now available, as all my ebooks are, at Amazon, Lulu, and Smashwords, as well as mostly available at Barnes Noble and iBookstore.

I felt like sharing a little bit before I go away. Lately I've been having a lot of dreams and remembering them, which really isn't that odd for me but I know some people would be envious. A week ago I had a dream that my Aunt was back living and approved that I bought a house. I was more worried that since she was officially dead and I spent the inheritance, she didn't have anything to live on monetarily (though she would always be allowed to stay with me). Anyway, that's not the dream I wanted to talk about.

First off, real life back story or the dream won't make sense.

Well, the last couple of days I've been in the domestic department, but when the regular staffer came back from her weekend you would have thought I turned the whole department upside down. She actually swore at me, about me, and it was not a fun experience. My trouble with such stuff is that faced with something like that, I tend to turtle and often internalize whatever is being said to me.

This leads me to a point I've been thinking about for the last while.

I'm broken.

I'm a bit confused right now about how to handle this news.

This past week I went to the doctor about my high blood pressure and mentioned the soreness around my right nipple. After examining me, he said I have gynecomastia. I guess I'm not really surprised as I am 55 yrs old, 5'8" and 245 lbs. I'm confused because I have feelings of both "not another problem" and "WOW".

Well, yesterday I came out to my daughter's teacher, basically to get her to watch out for any signs that Sam is getting bullied because of my transition. Coming out wasnt that big a deal - to either of us, based on her reaction, but I felt better for taking a step to help deal with the anxiety I was having over Sam. Hmmm. Actually DOING something proactive? Could be a good idea for other stuff too...

Well, things seem to be looking up. If you read my last blog, you'll recal there were some stumbles. But, well, that's the blog.

Those of you who pray, please do so for me.

I haven't written a word 4 months and I miss it a lot. I have some really radical story ideas and hope that I can somehow find the time to put them into bytes and bits soon.

In the latest update the new girl wakes up - a nice, silly episode - enjoy.

As requested here is a link to Wishful Thinking ( which is what this blog is about)

http://wishful-thinking2.smackjeeves.com/comics/1473118/1/

There have been a number of news articles lately about supposed Christians acting hatefully towards gay, lesbians, or trans people.

But fortunately, not all Christians are like that, even ones who think its a sin.

A couple of people I can point to as examples of that is my brother and sister-in-law.

No matter how much they may think I'm making a mistake in transitioning, they continue to show love and support to me even when I was acting in a way that made me less than loveable.

Just wanted to give them some props for this.

I met a girl today; one of us, and she seemed quite happy and adjusted working the counter at Safeway, a local grocery store. I told her how thrilled to see one of use being treated decently and with respect. Some of us get none.

It made my day. As I finish this, I will return to my sick bed, wishing that she and all of us of the sisterhood will finally be given the lives we so long for.

She says we will meet later. I wonder

Gwendolyn

I hope you dance

Promise me that you will give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice, to sit it out or dance
I hope you Dance

Hi all.

Just thought I'd share my currant WIP's (Work in progress) from a predominantly female craft that seems to be not represented in the stories at all. Patchwork & Quilting.

Firstly, a redwork project that I would have started just after Shrub got elected, all the US presidents in Redwork!

(The strip of blocks in the left of the picture is something of C's called "á–h my gosh" Each 6 inch square block contains, on average, around 40 pieces!)

My first question is, has anyone here hit the hundred kudo mark for any one posting. (Adding all the kudos together for a multi-part story doesn't count)?

I was looking over my stories, like I do, and I noticed that I had no comments for College Girl 3 and 4. This makes me sad. While I am aware that some chapters have only 1 comment, these two are sad and lonely, wasting away for want of a comment, some sort of love or recognition, it is heart breaking... All I can hear now is those poor chapters crying out in their loneliness and privation. I cannot hear any other story because of their lamentations. OH THE HUMANITY!!

They say confession is good for the soul, but bad for the reputation, so I might as well find out if they're right by making a confession of my own.

There are bits of my mind that scare the heck out of me.

Sometimes it feels like I may not be alone in my head, and somewhere in the boatload of darkness inside me there is something, or someone else.

And that something or someone isnt a nice critter in any way, shape or form.

Well, I finally overcame the heat of my shyness and bought "50 Shades Of Grey". The thing I find amazing is the writing style. It just flows so naturally and there is never any need to stop and go back to figure out what happened. This is how I want to write when I grow up! :)

On another note: the protagonist is ME, and I need to get back to the book to see what happens to me.

G

You may all gasp in surprise and fear, for yes indeed it is another chapter and in a timely manner. The world must surely be at an end!

I know I am notoriously slow for a number of different factors, health and other projects being but two of the factors causing this. But I just had to crank this one out to keep you all from hanging. Besides, Takeshi was so sad in my head and I needed to do something before he got my brain soggy... so I was in effect looking out for me.

I was feeling good and Terpsi was feeling spry, despite being evil with Tegan. So there you have it. Enjoy.

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/decisionsselection/36767/2012-...

Voting closes tomorrow, May 28, 2012, before midnight Pacific.

Remember you can vote for more than one.

Hugs,
Erin

I struggled and fought until I was too exhausted to continue, but felt that I had succeeded in resisting temptation. Heavenly Father had been kind to me in a very special way.

The attraction of a young college student to a rich and powerful man who led her to face her darkest weaknesses somehow drew me and made me feel guilty in spite of the fact that I did not sin. I was tempted but did not sin. So why did I feel so guilty, as if I had sinned?

(just going to continue right from last entry)

I was rummaging around, re-reading older stories at FM, and ran across an unfinished story set from Lorraine B, called "The Alien Within or Holy Crap, There's An Alien In My Bed". Part 1 and 2 were posted in mid-2004, with the name given for part 3, but it appears that part 3 never emerged. I'd normally put it down to the author no longer writing, but she continued to post for another 2 years afterwards.

I figured I would ask if anyone knows about the author, or the story.

This is partially an FYI, partially a request for help.

Bill and I (and our Chocolate Lab Penny) recently had to re-locate to a local hotel.

The reason, as you probably suspect, is that "Black Mold" was found in our home.

Much of our furniture and other things are going to be tossed out in the process of cleaning the house.

This process includes tearing up all the carpets, and scrubbing all the walls, floors, and ceiling with bleach to make sure it's ALL GONE.

Good Morning Mr. Sun

Early in the morning comes through my window Mr. Sun
I just thank God for another shiny day
today as another day I’ll keep on trying being better girl
and also I will add a small pinch of love

Good morning to life
good morning to love
good morning to joy
good morning Mr. Sun

I’ll keep on trying being the best everywhere
I’ll keep on trying doing my best anywhere
good morning to all

It is good to give thanks to God
and to make melody to His name.

Well, we were out last night clubbing Thursday 24th and I had a philanthopic interlude just like Ang's experiences with Sam.

Five of use were enjoying ourselves and going 'Over the top a bit. As seen below. (The famous five.)

An apology, to all who called me on my being a drama queen over the incident with my car. I just got off the phone with the insurance company, and it turns out I'm NOT going to have to have a year's worth of coverage up front. Once again, what looked to me like a mountain turns out to be a mole-hill, and boy is my face red over my over-reaction.

Hopefully, this is a lesson I can learn for the next time something happens - dont make more trouble than is actually there, and take it one breath at a time.

Thanks to everyone who puts up with me anyway.

Reading Amy's latest story has given me an idea. Most of you know my history, but just imagine what if the doctor who abused me instead helped me? What might have happened? I'm going to noodle that and see where it goes ....

Every morning, I get up, look at this body of mine, and wonder how I can possibly make being female work. I mean, put it in a suit and have it lose 50 pounds, and it would probably be called "handsome".

And yet here I am, trying to change that, and somehow make this body pass as a woman's.

Its dam hard, and sometimes, it feels like a hopeless task, so why do I bother?

I've never had enough discipline in my life to reach any goal I've set, so why do I think this will be any different than when I tried to become a nurse, or before that a teacher?