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Disappearing

While I seem to be soldiering on, life seems to be far too big for me at times and I am thinking of disappearing. BCTS seems to be the one pleasant and relatively peaceful place in my life, so I would perhaps not disappear from here.

In real life, I have somehow been harnessed as a stalking horse for certain GBLT activist groups and this public life is uncomfortable for me. I'd rather just quietly live my life, not revealing that I am anything but an elderly woman. I've learned some hard lessons in the last few years.

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Holy S--t

Just checked my account and found that I've been a member of BC for seven years twenty one hours. My how time flies when you're having fun. I'm trying to think of all that's happened in those seven years, and how many stories I've posted? I think the thing that amazes me the most is that I'm still alive and kicking. Had a valve replacement three years ago and a defibulator implanted two years ago, which has saved my life twice that I know of. I'm still self employed as a glazing contractor for those that didn't know and still writing stories when I have time.

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Malala Day

"They thought the bullet would silence us, but they failed. Out of that silence came thousands of voices. The terrorists thought they would change my aim and stop my ambitions. But nothing changed in my life except this. Weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born.” ~Malala Yousafzai

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New book idea and a Typhoon

Well, I am sitting in a hotel in Linkou, Taiwan, staring down the barrel of a Cat 3 Typhoon. So, I thought writing would be something to do, instead of watching the windows flex a lot more than I thought glass was capable of. I have a new book on the story board, and I would like to share the concept of it see if I could get some feedback on the interest. It will be a bit different than anything else I have done, but probably not that much so. Anyway, below is the introduction. I hope it is not too big for a blog. Would like some thoughts on the concept. Thanks.

********

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had a talk with my supervisor about my co-worker

Well, last night I had another encounter with my clueless co-worker, and after she once again called me by my male name, I made a point of talking to my supervisor about the situation. She talked to the girl, and the girl said she had met me when we both worked at Zellers (I dont remember meeting her, but that doesnt mean it didnt happen.) So according to her, she was having some trouble doing a mental switch and call me by the right name, but would do better in the future.

For now, I'm going to consider this a win, but I will be on my guard around her ....

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'Tootsie' 'Was Never-

Tootsie' 'Was Never a Comedy for Me. I ran across this while surfing. While it may not be TG per say since Dustin Hoffman is an actor in a role, the interview really touched a place that had me crying.
http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/movie-talk/emotional-dustin-ho...
"That's as good as it gets Charley"
hugs
Grover

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Can't shake this feeling

If I was in a better position financially I would commit myself to a mental ward and never leave. I am dangerously depressed and sleep deprived. Things are going well, but I am so fearful that the bottom is going to drop out and that I'm going to lose everything. I would rather die than to see that happen and that worries me.

I am so tired of the fight, so tired of the struggle, so tired of people looking down at me and sneering at me.

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I need some opinions please.

For those who don't post there's a general rule about how much you can post and how much is on the quickfinds list. Here's my thing and that sometimes that list goes fast with a lots of new stuff coming in and sometimes not. *Note not bitching.*

What I want an opinion on is how long do I leave something in place before putting something up? I mean if it's not getting the comments in that early posted stuff rush and just getting normal comment traffic.

Anybody?

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Contributions to Hatbox and Server Fund Needed

We got in a big check for the server fund in June but other donations for the Hatbox are very behind. The way this is going to work is that when we make the goal for the month, I will donate $500 to the server fund from the Hatbox. Also, donations that come in marked for Server Fund will go there.

So, anything you can chip in will be good. We will probably be using the server fund around October/November to upgrade at least one of the servers to a 3 to 5 year life machine. The other machines may have to wait till next year.

Thanks to everyone.

Hugs,
Erin

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helped out at church again today

Today at church, I was asked to help with the communion service, and it was a good experience. We were given these sashes, then we went down to the front to hold out the bread and the wine for the congregation to come down and partake.

Best part? They gave me a sash with a butterfly on it ....

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Good On Yer, Andy Murray

It's finally happened! A Briton has won the men's singles title at Wimbledon. The first since Fred Perry 77 years ago. I'm no fan of lawn tennis, but I had to wipe away a tear because this was sporting history.

To make the moment even sweeter, Andy Murray hails from a lovely little town on the edge of the Scottish highlands called Dunblane, which was blighted by tragedy in 1996 when a gunman opened fire on a group of schoolchildren with horrendous results. Andy's triumph has now ensured that the town will be remembered for a different reason.

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Hmmm, I don't feel a year older........

(Today anyway). It doesn't really feel like I've started the backside of the Half century mark. You think anyone would notice if I started counting back through the forties instead? (LOL). Well in case anyone hasn't figure out what I'm ramblin' about, I've turned 51 today! I know I know, to some of you out there I'm still a young whippersnapper, But seriously there are many days I just don't feel "This young!" LOL. Big Hugs to all, Taarpa

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The DRU and the Future

Well it looks like the DRU might be winding down sadly, I blame myself. I haven't been giving it the attention and the care that I have been in the past. Stories will still be written for it of course, there are stories being written for it now in fact but sadly its just not as popular as it was before. I promise to try my hardest to finish the last two I've been working on. I know the others will try to finish theirs as well :)

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a day filled with pain

Well, yesterday was a pain-filled day. First, my breasts started hurting, and it got pretty bad. So bad that I started crying on the phone with Jaci and Ruth and pretty much blubbered for more than hour, with the only words I could say were "I'm sorry" over and over again ......

Then, at work, my male bits somehow managed to slip out of my panties, and the pain I experienced was tremendous, and the psychological suffering was just as bad ....

Ah, well. Time to sleep, and hope for a better night tonight.

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A question for other authors

I was wondering if other author's did the same thing as I do or if I am totally nuts. See, when I am in the middle of writing a work, I make it a habit not to read anybody. I don't mean just reading things on line, I won't even read a newspaper article (even if I really wanted to).

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assumptions

The biggest thing about being trans is that it forces you to deal with the assumptions people have about gender. Most people dont think about their gender, or how being male or female influences how people treat you, but as a trans person, I have to face those assumptions every day. Along with the assumptions comes judgement - am I feminine enough, or too feminine? How do people see me, and how do I interact with them?

I'm trying to learn to give myself some slack in these judgments, and am hoping others will do the same.

So far so good .....

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Summer's Here! County Durham Sizzles In The Seventies!

Well it's sort of about holidays. In a single afternoon I saw two crowded beaches, three lighthouses, two windmills, lots of cormorants and kittiwakes, a funfair and a zoo. It's probably the nearest I'll get to a holiday this year.
 

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When doing Amazon searches

I had an interesting question and I think it might help other authors who also publish on Kindle (I'm hard at work at a brand new novel which is why I haven't posted anything here for a while and after 100k words decided things will work better if I made it first person so it's going to be a while since I haven't even finished the plot yet).

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4th of July

since today is the official birthday of The United States of America I wantto wish all here Happy birthday... To all my brothers at arms whom are veterans like my self. It was an honor to have served our country......Happy Birthday America

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The Family Girl #063: Happy 4th of July

The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #63: Happy 4th of July

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

It's too bad that the 4th of July's just a regular workday around here, except at my office, of course - only essential people or on-duty call agents were required to report for work.

Unfortunately, per the office's operations guide, my position is considered "essential," hence I had to work today... darn...

But, nevertheless, A hearty Happy 4th of July to everyone! Enjoy the day, and keep safe!

And a special shoutout to our brave fighting men and women! This is your day as much as it is anyone's.

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Had an awesome birthday !

had an awesome birthday yesterday. I got tons of well-wishes from my online friends, I had a decent dinner with my brother and sister-in-law, and then got serenaded by my co-workers at work. Then to add the cherry to the sundae, two people at work made a point of saying "hey there, birthday girl" to me, which felt awesome.

It was so much fun, I almost dont wanna wait a year to do it again ...

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Thanks, Dorothy, for reminding me of something important!

In a recent blog you mentioned re-reading an older story. That reminded me of what a marvelous repository of excellent fiction we have here at Big Closet. Erin and the other Admins. are to be thanked for what they have provided here.

I often read stories that are many years on the site. But, you know, they're all new when you read them for the first time. I like to thank the author by signing in and giving a Kudos for each chapter: It takes little time and effort and gives them a thank you for their work.

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The Family Girl #062: What can you do?

The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #62: What can you do?

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

I don't know if you read my blog from a couple of months back, but, in that blog, I talked about a friend who was having problems at home, including fighting a weight problem and a diabetic condition (she had lost a foot already), and her insistence on continuing with transitioning.

As with most families, her family was not uderstanding of her transgender issues, and it has become worse and worse for her (She said, "I have examined my living conditions, and found them wanting."). Her children have even threatened her with violence. She and I talked about it and we both agreed that, if she continues to insist on pushing through with her transitioning, there really is no choice but to move out. She set it for July 1, a date I'm sure she picked at the time because she felt it was far enough away to be comfortable.

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/43879/family-girl-55-remi...

Alas, it's July 1 today. And it hasn't happened. I guess I just have to shrug and say to myself, "what can you do?"

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Looking for a story

It's my time again. I am trying to find a story called Being Beautiful or The Importance of Being Beautiful. Author unknown. I know I had copies of it but it's gone now. I think it was on FM, but I can't locate it. If any of you other old people out there have a copy, let me know. It was in two parts, the second part was not as good as the first. The storyline was simple. A guy bets his sister in law she can't make him woman enough to enter a beauty contest for impersonaters, and she wins of course, so she gets to make him beautiful and makes him request it.

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Sometimes it feels lonely

being one of the few intelligent life forms on this planet. Over the weekend I laboured in my garden removing an invasive species of plant, periwinkle, which forms matted roots which required me to use a mattock to get through. I took them to my back garden and tried to burn them. The fire smouldered all night, but didn't destroy half the pest. I'll finish the job tonight, thought I.

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About the Through the years

I am still alive, but I have been busy. I have been searching for a job and not finding anything. I also don't own a car, so I walk everywhere. So when I get home I am tired and don't write. I also am running out of money, so my stress is starting to rise.

I will try and get something Tracy related out soon, but no promises. I have a lot of stuff half done, but currently going back over and changing stuff and also dealing with the thoughts that it may just be too weird.

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One Hundred and Forty-six years ago today

One hundred and forty-six years ago today, a strange, improbable, and fantastic country came into being. Its the most awesome place in the world, for a lot of reasons, but there are two that mean the most to me.

First, its my home and native land, and I'd be glad to stand on guard for it.

Second, its the most tolerant country in the world for trans people like me. Nowhere else would be as welcoming, and I am so proud of my countrymen for that.

Happy Canada Day, everybody.

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What's next? I don't know....

Just so everyone knows what's going on, since most (and I emphasize MOST) of this group has been very supportive in the past (especially with my personal and health issues), I'm at a crossroads. The private-side reaction to Bikini Beach: Heroes has been ugly. Very ugly. What you've read in the reviews and comments is extremely mild. A lot of folks disliked the ending, and let me know. These comments were relatively polite, if at times a bit forceful.

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re-reading "Stark"

thanks to the track feature, I happened to re-read Randalynn's "Stark" stories and once more was hit by how well Randalynn writes. Not for the first time, I wished I could meet Jo Stark, since we have a few things in common ...

For those who havent read them before, or just want to read them again, here is a link:

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/906/stark

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Problems responding to a PM or possibly many.

I've been trying to reply to a PM well several from the same person but I get the red line saying that my e-mail didn't go through but it shows in the thread that I posted it. Is this just because the person I'm sending it to is offline or is it something here?

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I need help with a story I'm writing. Can someone help with

reading it for content and flow/edit/proofread or collaborate if you find the premise interesting.I don't mean to indicate I need someone to do all those things or maybe an editor does that anyway. I don't know this is my first attempt at writing for consumption though I have written about 100,000 words in three stories that are gathering dust in my hard drive that I'd like to post.

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Hope to hear from You

Welcome to BC; I see we have at least ten new members to BC. I hope you experience it as a community as well as a place to read and be here just for yourself as the need or desire arises. Hearing from one another through story comments or writing to an author is a neat part of BC for me. I read more than I write; I enjoy comments and hearing from others. It helps as a writer and as a person.

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New Peaches

As RL has been a bitch this week and i'm working hard to get Gaby Book 11 finished before my summer holiday, apart from catching a new Gaby chapter here on BC you can read a new Peaches chapter on my site http://www.maddybell.com/page600.htm

Look out on Sunday for part three of Gaby Book 11 which is just 4000 words short of completion!

ttfn

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Same Sex Marriage To Resume In California

As expected, the Supremes have found that if California officials refused to defend Prop 8 in court because they thought it was unconstitutional, no private citizen could defend it, either. This means, the Circuit Court never should have even heard the appeal, and the District Court decision, which found Prop 8 to be unconstitutional, is the final one.

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The Family Girl #061: It's Too Obvious Now

The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #61: It's Too Obvious Now

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

It was actually confirmed February 22, but Sweetie and I haven't been telling anyone. We weren't really keeping it a secret, but we would only tell people if they asked. So we've been able to keep it quiet for a while. Which was something we thought was important. I being a post-op TG girl wasn't the issue (as very, very few here know), but the fact that we were in a same-sex relationship was. Especially in a very conservative, predominantly-catholic country like the Philippines. (Guess that's the advantage of Washington DC - people are more blasé about such things back home.) And adding this to the mix will just make us doubly... controversial... So we though keeping this quiet was important.

But that's impossible now.

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