The title of this blog is one of the thoughts I had as Holly Hart went into the crematorium yesterday. The other was the Nazi ovens in Poland. I was there at the time and the event was harder than I thought it would be.
Another note I sent all the comments and private messages that I saw to Holly's sisters. I thought they would appreciate the sentiment.
I am also thinking that there should be a writing contest to honor Holly, as she was an author and major editor.
Shelly
Comments
With the Kodoshim
Dear Shelly,
I have sent you an PM with a message to you at this sad time.
Briefly do not have negative thoughts. Think of her as reaching HaShem, with the Kodishm.
Since you start Shiva, after burial, and the cremation substituted for that, you are within the 7 days. So I will conclude with the tradional form.
"May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem".
Your Chaver
Rami
RAMI
We all need closure when loved ones die
I know that commiting the remains of a loved person to burrial and disposition is hard. Though my personal experience has been, that active participation has helped me a long way towards closure.
16 years ago my daughter died because of medical negligence during the birthing process and did not survive the emergency cesarean. Even though everybody insisted on my being a passive participant, I am glad that I carried her casket to the gravesite, that I lowered the casket into the grave and that I started and helped fill the grave. This active participation has helped me tremendously in the grief process and obtaining closure over losing her. My ex-spouse did not even participate, and even today seems to lack the necesary closure.
10 year ago my grandmother died in Canada, and I allmost moved heaven and earth in order to redeem my frequent flyer miles to be there for the funeral. We grandchildren had the honor of being the pallbearers. As the oldest grandchild, I requested that there be pot of dirt available at the gravesite for a symbolic shoveling, since the burrial there involved a concrete vault before the dirt is packed into the grave. Again, throwing dirt on the casket was very therapeutic for me.
Now almost 2 months ago, my father passed away from cancer. During the planning for his farewell celebration I insisted on being one of the pallbearers and that the grave closure should be done by those present at the cementary. After having held dad's hand until he expired, I again was an active participant in the burrial of his remains. It has not been easy, but it is helping me to get closure on that stage of my life.
I hope my experience can help you all through your own personal journey of grief.
Jessica
I'm so sorry!
I wish I could have been there, but the distance was too great. As I recall, the ashes will be going back out west. May she rest in peace.
Suzij
I like the writing contest idea....
What form do you think it should take? Do you feel it should be limited to a certain subgenre of TG fiction, or should that be open? And would it be an annual thing? In my opinion, it ought to be.
Livin' A Ragtime Life,
Rachel